personal essay examples for 4th grade

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Student Opinion

650 Prompts for Narrative and Personal Writing

By Michael Gonchar

• Oct. 20, 2016

Update, Sept. 4, 2019: Check out our newest evergreen collection of “ 550 Prompts for Narrative and Personal Writing ” that includes dozens of new prompts.

Update, Feb. 15, 2019: Learn more about how to use our 1000s of writing prompts by watching our free on-demand webinar: “ Give Them Something to Write About: Teach Across the Curriculum With New York Times-Inspired Daily Prompts. ”

Every school day since 2009 we’ve asked students a question based on an article in The New York Times.

Now, seven years later, and in honor of the Oct. 20 National Day on Writing , we’ve collected 650 of them that invite narrative and personal writing and listed them by category below. Consider it an update of a previous post, and a companion to the list of 301 argumentative writing prompts we published in 2015.

Here is a PDF of all 650 prompts , and we also have a related lesson plan, From ‘Lives’ to ‘Modern Love’: Writing Personal Essays With Help From The New York Times .

Below, a list that touches on everything from sports to travel, education, gender roles, video games, fashion, family, pop culture, social media and more. Like all our Student Opinion questions , each links to a related Times article and includes a series of follow-up questions. All questions published since May 2015 are still open to comment by any student 13 or older.

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Narrative Writing | Student Writing Samples

Personal Experience Narrative Sample- Grade 4- Snowed

Read Time 3 mins | Dec 8, 2021 3:30:06 PM | Written by: Toolbox

Personal Experience Narrative Grade 4 Sample Snowed

Summarizing Framework

This is a story about Danny and me. The experience was playing in the snow . The experience concluded when the boys were so cold they went inside .  

What worked:

• Organization: There is a sense of story with a beginning, middle, and end.
• Entertaining Beginning:   There is a good action beginning statement.

Feedback with Prescriptive Feedback:

CHOOSE a Focus Skill: One skill that will make the biggest impact

For this student, genre and organization needs to be the focus.

Genre and Author’s Purpose:   This story was difficult to summarize because it is a classic list of actions rather than a fully elaborated main event.  What is the main event from the list of actions in the middle of your story?  The story does not begin as close to the main event as possible because the main event is unclear.

• Section 1 Lesson 1: Introducing Graphic Organizers - Summarizing Framework
• Section 1 Lesson 8: Annotating Narrative Stories - the organizational structure and features of narrative 
• Section 1 Lesson 10: Givens and Variables - practice planning focused narrative stories

Elaborative Detail: This student needs modeled lessons in description of setting and feelings.  Elaborative detail is a critical foundational skill that builds the essential parts of the narrative story. 

• Section 3 Lesson 3: General or Specific?  The awareness level for elaborative detail.
• Section 3 Lesson 5: Creating Elaborative Segments (modeling is crucial)

Entertaining Beginnings:  

• Section 2 Lesson 1: Starting Off on the Right Foot
• Section 2 Lesson 2: Analyze the Beginning
• Section 2 Lesson 3: Revising Story Beginnings

Main Event:  What is the main event?  Student needs to establish a single, significant event.  Is it the snowball fight?  Is it going sledding?  Is it building an igloo?  Once that is established then add a balanced mix of action, description, thoughts/feeling, dialogue, and sound.

• Section 5 Lesson 1: Comparing Summaries and Fully Elaborated Main Events
• Section 5 Lesson 2: Main Event: apply the productive questioning techniques

Recommended Resources

• Empowering Writer's Methodology
• Narrative Writing Guide for Grade 4  

Using Personal Narrative Examples While Teaching Writing in 3rd, 4th, and 5th Grades

When you teach personal narrative writing to your third, fourth, or fifth grade students, you should be teaching them using personal narrative examples to guide your lessons.

Students who are expected to write a narrative piece, should be given an exemplar one to study and learn from.

This is also known as a mentor text.

In this blog post, I’ll talk about using the rubric to guide your lesson and how you can use personal narrative examples to teach your students what you expect from their writing.

Step 1: Teach the Characteristics of a Personal Narrative

Before you begin teaching from the example narrative you should first introduce the characteristics of a personal narrative.

There are several main characteristics that elementary teachers focus on with their students.

• The narrative focuses on a small moment in time.
• The narrative has a beginning, middle, and end.
• It uses words for transitions.
• It includes descriptive details to help the reader imagine the setting, characters, and events.
• It can include dialogue. (Typically saved for 4th and 5th grade)
• Has a strong meaningful ending.

READ MORE>>> 5 Hooks to Teach Your Students for Writing Strong Introductions READ MORE>>> 6 Easy Tips for Teaching Personal Narrative Writing (Small Moment Graphic Organizer)

Step 2: Introduce the Rubric and a Checklist

The next thing you will want to do is introduce a rubric and a checklist.

The checklist is really helpful because it can guide students as they write their narrative drafts.

The rubric is important so students can understand how they’ll be graded. Keeping your rubric kid-friendly is key!

Step 3: Use Personal Narrative Examples to Model What a Personal Narrative Should Look Like

Now that you’ve introduced the characteristics of the personal narrative and gone over your rubric, you’re ready to use the mentor text.

It’s very important to choose a personal narrative example that exemplifies what you want your students’ final writing pieces to look like.

How should I use the personal narrative example during my lesson?

There are several different ways you can use the mentor text.

First and foremost, read it over with your students. Ask them what they noticed about the writing. Compare it to the personal narrative characteristics poster. Does the piece have all of the characteristics?

Below are some more suggestions on how you can use the example narratives:

My favorite idea is to use the rubric to “grade” the narrative using your rubric.

For future years of teaching, save your students’ writing and use it with your next class.

Make sure you white out the student names for privacy and use the writing pieces to discuss the rubric with your students. You can even have “grading” be a center in your classroom.

Do You Need Personal Narrative Examples for Your Lessons?

Check out these packs of example pieces for 3rd, 4th, and 5th grades!

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Writing a Personal Narrative (Gr. 4)

Help your students tell their own stories!

Scott Foresman, an imprint of Pearson

Featured 4th grade resources.

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5 Helpful Hints On Writing A 4th Grade Personal Narrative Essay

If you are struggling to create the perfect narrative essay and to describe the perfect event you want to make sure you use a vivid description. For each event, object, or person that you describe you should try to answer the following information about them:

• What did you smell?
• What did you hear?
• What did you taste?
• What did you feel or touch?
• What did you see?

These are the most important five questions to answer/hints to follow when writing a 4th grade personal narrative essay successfully. Answering these five questions about each object, person, or event that you experience will help you to present a much better story which the reader can appreciate.

You want to avoid ever describing what something just looks like. Do not say that the woman was tall. Instead explain to the reader what colors the woman was wearing, what close she was wearing what smells came off of her from her perfume or even her shampoo, what sounds you heard when she walks and even perhaps what she felt like when she hugged you.

Concrete language gives information that can be easily understood and sometimes that allows the reader to empathize. But abstract language will leave the reader feeling disconnected and even confused. Abstract means that there are no recognizable objects and it can be difficult to see what the story is trying to say. Simply saying that it was a nice day outside is very abstract and much brought. For each reader the definition of the word nice might be something different and therefore it might be challenging for them to truly understand what the day was like that you are describing. But if you instead say that the sun was shining and the wind blew softly against your cheek then the readers can all visualize the same day.

If you write that Mrs. Johnson is a good teacher that might not mean the same thing for another reader as it does for you. You, as the author, want the reader to think exactly what you were thinking about Mrs. Johnson. But in order for them to do this you have to give concrete details. You have to say, instead, that Mrs. Johnson knew how to help each student turned their individual thoughts into a good story.

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Fourth Grade Essay Writing Worksheets and Printables

4th grade nonfiction writing samples

by: Jessica Kelmon | Updated: July 22, 2024

Print article

In fourth grade, students are starting to prepare for middle school, when nonfiction writing is practiced in all subjects. What’s more, under the Common Core Standards, nonfiction writing is more and more essential to the curriculum. Learn more about your fourth grader’s writing under Common Core . According to the standards, students should be learning three types of writing:

Informative/explanatory writing

Like a report, the purpose of this type of writing is to convey information accurately with facts, details, and supportive information.

These can be stories or screenplays or other fiction written in the first, second, or third person.

Opinion pieces

In opinion writing, students encourage readers to accept their opinion about something by writing what they and why.

Fourth grade writing sample #1

John Cabot and the Rediscovery of North America

In this child’s report on John Cabot, you’ll see a few important features. First, there are five sections, each with a bolded header announcing what sort of information follows. Note that the fifth section is the bibliography, where everyone can see the two sources this student relied on for her information.

Type of writing: Informative/explanatory writing

Fourth grade writing sample #2

Big Book of Evolution

Dylan’s report on evolution is also divided into sections. Note that Dylan uses visuals throughout this report. What’s more, the report has a table of contents at the beginning, and at the end, Dylan cites his sources for the written information and the visuals.

Fourth grade writing sample #3

A Tale of Despereaux

This is a classic fourth grade book report. Note that the student uses headers to announce what type of information follows: the summary, the characters, and the writer’s recommendation about the book.

Fourth grade writing sample #4

Zoos Should Close

This student writes an opinion piece about why she thinks zoos should close. Note that she cites multiple reasons with examples of why zoos aren’t good for animals. She also addresses a counterargument and refutes it, which isn’t actually required until seventh and eighth grade.

Type of writing: Opinion writing

See more examples of real kids’ writing in different grades: Kindergarten , first grade , second grade , third grade , fifth grade .

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40 Impressive Personal Narrative Examples in Children’s Books

This post may contain affiliate links.

Build empathy by reading personal narrative examples in children’s books , including picture books and middle grade books . In other words, read someone’s authentic memoir based on their life experience. And see how it gives you empathy as you walk in that person’s shoes. (It will also help you become a better personal narrative writer!)

Choose from these picture book and middle-grade book mentor text examples to show your growing writers examples of good personal narrative mentor texts with sensory details, vivid verbs, small moments, and organization. Share with your writers how these personal narrative examples are written with sensory details to show experience and authority.

NOTE: I’m listing children’s books that are not personal narratives per se but still can be used as personal narrative examples. I’m doing this so you have a bigger list of choices to find good books that appeal to your writers and model skillful writing.

If you’re teaching personal narrative, it’s worth reading adult memoirs like Anne Laaott’s Bird by Bird , Jeannee Wall’s The Glass Castle , or Suleika Jaouad’s Between to Kingdoms . (Three of my favorite books of all time.)

Here are my favorite children’s memoir books to share with growing writers who want to write a personal narrative or memoir. Starting with a mentor text of sample writing will make your students’ writing stronger. That’s what I recommend that works for me in my writing workshops for children.

Picture Books: Personal Narrative Examples

Palace of Books  by Patricia Polacco Fans of Polacco’s books will enjoy this personal narrative story of her moving from the farm to a town where she starts school. Patricia discovers the library and the library’s collection of bird artwork from John Audubon. Not only does she fall in love with the library, but drawing her own bird pictures as well.

My Very Favorite Book in the Whole Wide World  by Malcolm Mitchell, illustrated by Michael Robertson Henley finds reading hard — and when his teacher gives the class an assignment to find their favorite book in the whole wide world, he struggles to find anything that he doesn’t hate. After asking his librarian and bookstore owner for help unsuccessfully, his mom helps him realize that inside he has his own story.  What he brings to school, his favorite book in the world–is a story that he writes about himself!  Use this as a personal narrative example.

Priya Dreams of Marigolds and Masala  by Meenal Patel An irresistible sensory experience of India with vivid descriptions ! When Priya helps her Babi Ba cook rotli, her Babi Ba shares her memories of India… the smell of roasted cumin and masala, the sound of motorbikes whizzing by, the taste of a steaming cup of cha, the feel of the hot sun on your face, views of arches and domes of the buildings, rainbow of saris, and brightly colored marigolds. I adore the writing, the illustrations, and the story that celebrates India’s culture and their grandparent-grandchild relationship.

Finding My Dance  by Ria Thundercloud, illustrated by Kalila J. Fuller Ria loves dancing — and starts dancing as a child in a powwow.  As her love of dancing grows, she learns different styles and becomes a professional dancer, and travels all over the world.

Alma and How She Got Her Name  by Juana Martinez-Neal Alma Sofia Esperanza Jose Pura Candela thinks her name is too long …until her father explains about each person she was named for — like Esperanza, Alma’s great-grandmother who hoped to travel.  This helps Alma make a personal connection to each person she’s named after.

Middle-Grade Books: Personal Narrative Examples

Knucklehead Tall Tales & Mostly True Stories of Growing Up Scieszka by Jon Scieszka Growing up Scieszka was a WILD time. There’s quite a bit of potty humor in Scieszka’s hilarious musings on his childhood, but the writing is excellent and captures personal narrative in short, digestible stories.

Lawn Boy  by Gary Paulsen It’s summer vacation and  our 12-year-old narrator needs to earn money.  Which he does by starting a lawn mowing business. Not only that, he learns about investing his money and makes a lot more money than he could have imagined. Fictional but reads like personal narrative examples.

I Can Make This Promise by Christine Day The author of this book skillfully crafts a heartfelt story about growing up, family, and finding your identity in the context of adoption, the historical maltreatment of Native Americans, and the mystery of your own heritage.  Edie’s mom is an adopted Native American who can’t trace her heritage. When Edie unexpectedly finds a box of photos and letters from the woman she suspects was her mom’s birth mother, it prompts a journey to discover the truth of her heritage. And the truth is not what she expects but it opens her eyes (and ours.)

Inside Out & Back Again  by Thanhha Lai ( VERSE ) In this personal narrative memoir,  Thanhha reveals the overwhelm of immigrating from Vietnam to the American South in the 1970s, a completely different culture and language.  Despite feeling turned inside out, Hà resiliently figures out life in the U.S., despite the many challenges she faces. I loved this book –it’s written with such an authentic voice . Plus, it gives readers a first-hand look at an immigrant experience. Winner of the National Book Award and Newbery Honor.

Brown Girl Dreaming  by Jacqueline Woodson ( VERSE ) Written in verse, this is the author’s life story about  growing up as an African-American girl in the South and the North during the Civil Rights movement.  It’s a powerful introduction to this time period and the issues of race in the United States since it’s told through the eyes of a child. National Book Award finalist.

For Black Girls Like Me  by Mariama J. Lockington Just like the author’s own experience as an adoptee,  it’s hard for Makeda to be a black adopted girl in a white family  that she loves but doesn’t feel like she fits– or is even seen. But there are even more challenges for Makeda these days, starting with being the little sister to a newly-distant teenager, moving to a new town away from her BFF, having parents who constantly fight, and watching her mom’s mental health deteriorate and blaming herself. After her mom’s mania takes them on a trip to Colorado which abruptly nose dives into severe depression and a suicide attempt, Makeda reaches out for help.

The Last Cherry Blossom  by Kathleen Burkinshaw (ages 11+) In this beautifully written, eye-opening story, we follow the life of Yuriko,  a Japanese girl who lives in Hiroshima during World War II.  Initially, her life revolves around drama with her family and friends, just like a typical child’s life in any country. But, in this recounting of Burkinshaw’s mother’s actual experience, her life is torn apart when the atomic bomb is dropped. Not to mention that it comes as a shock to learn that Japan has been losing the war. Yuriko’s life becomes a nightmare of survival and endurance.

Family Style by Thien Pham ages 12+ In Thien Pham‘s immigration story, he begins with his life in a refugee camp where he played and watched his parents be entrepreneurial. When they immigrate to the US, he learns English slowly and makes friends as he watches his parents be entrepreneurial by starting their own bakery after working hourly jobs. When he is an adult, Thien becomes a citizen to vote. I love how the earthy color palette and gorgeous illustration style help to narrate Pham’s personal memoir.

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Mentor Text Book Lists

Books to Teach Description

Writing Prompts for Kids

Melissa Taylor, MA, is the creator of Imagination Soup. She's a mother, former teacher & literacy trainer, and freelance education writer. She writes Imagination Soup and freelances for publications online and in print, including Penguin Random House's Brightly website, USA Today Health, Adobe Education, Colorado Parent, and Parenting. She is passionate about matching kids with books that they'll love.

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Hello, I used your letter writing unit and loved it. The students were very involved in the unit. on the last page that I printed off, yoiu mention other units you have such as personal narrative, fictional narrative, informational and procedural. There is a link to SEE ALL THE WRITING UNITS. I have searched throughout your website and cannot find these links. I’d love to incorporate them into my lessons. Can you please send me the link to them as I am not having luck with my search.

I sent you an email.

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115 Exciting 4th Grade Writing Prompts for 2024 (Free Slides!)

Journal writing, essay topics, story starters, and much more!

Fourth grade is a time for students to continue to hone their writing chops as they put to use the skills they’ve learned and gain confidence in their abilities. All writers can have a little trouble getting started, though, which is why you need this big collection of 4th grade writing prompts. They include essay writing prompts, creative writing story starters, journal prompts, and much more. Sharpen your pencils and get ready to write!

You can get 50 of these 4th grade writing prompts in a free PowerPoint slideshow bundle! They make it easy to share these writing ideas with your students.  Grab your free PowerPoint bundle by filling out the form on this page .

• Journal Writing Prompts
• Funny Writing Prompts
• Persuasive and Opinion Writing Prompts
• Descriptive Writing Prompts
• Narrative Writing Prompts
• Creative Writing Prompts
• Story Starters
• Current Events Writing Prompts

4th Grade Journal Writing Prompts

• What’s the best book you’ve read recently? What was it about, and why did you like it?
• What is the worst book you ever read?
• Write five rules for staying organized.
• What’s the best gift you’ve ever gotten? How did it make you feel?
• One of your little cousins is very nervous about starting kindergarten. What would you tell them to make them feel better?
• There’s an old saying: “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” What do you think this saying means?
• Write about an adult you look up to.
• What’s the nicest thing anybody has ever done for you?
• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
• What makes your family unique?
• What would you say is your greatest strength? Greatest weakness?
• Are you a patient person? Why or why not?
• What is something you’ve never done that you would like to try?
• What is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you?
• What’s your favorite holiday? What makes it so special?

Funny Writing Prompts for 4th Grade

• What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?
• Imagine you came to school one day and found your teacher had turned into an animal. What animal would it be, and what would happen?
• Write a poem where most of the words start with the letter K.
• Imagine you and your pet switched bodies for a day, and tell the story of what would happen.
• Who is the funniest person you know? Describe them, and explain why they’re funny.
• When was the last time you laughed so much you couldn’t stop? What happened?
• What is something adults do that you think is funny or strange?
• Write a review of a restaurant that serves the worst food in the world.
• What is the funniest thing that someone could become famous for? Tell the story of how it happened.
• Write a story about someone who could never lie, no matter what.

Persuasive and Opinion 4th Grade Writing Prompts

• Are 4th graders ready to stay home alone? Why or why not?
• Would you rather be good at sports or good in school? Why?
• Would you rather have lots of money or lots of friends? Why?
• What is your favorite subject in school? Why?
• Name two characters from different books that you think might be good friends. Why?
• Which is more important for success, skill or luck?
• Should kids be paid an allowance to do chores around the house? Why or why not?
• Why are classroom rules important?
• If you had a time machine, what era of history would you visit?
• Why is math important?

• Which would you rather read: a scary story that gives you goosebumps or a funny story that cracks you up? Why?
• Why is science important?
• Should 4th graders have cell phones? Why or why not?
• If you could open a store, what type of store would it be and why?
• What is the hardest thing about being a 4th grader?
• If I were the ruler of the world, the first law I would pass would be … because …
• Is it ever OK to tell secrets? Why or why not?
• What animal makes the best pet? Why?
• Is it better to spend an hour a day reading or an hour a day exercising? Why?
• Do you like nonfiction books or fiction books better? Why?

Descriptive 4th Grade Writing Prompts

• If you won a million dollars, how would you spend the money?
• If you had a YouTube channel, what would you talk about?
• Describe what you think of as perfect weather.
• Describe how to build a birdhouse step-by-step.
• Imagine you are in a hot-air balloon above your house. Describe everything you can see.
• Describe the physical appearance of someone in your family in detail.
• Describe how to play your favorite board game.
• Explain the right way to do one of your household chores, like making your bed or cleaning your room.

• Describe your perfect day.
• Imagine you are an adult and describe your dream job.
• Explain your morning routine in detail, from waking up to arriving at school.
• Describe the perfect meal, including what you’d eat and where you’d dine.
• Share what you do on a typical non-school day.
• Describe your favorite room at home in detail.
• How do you prepare for a big test? Describe the ways you study or practice.

Narrative Writing Prompts for 4th Grade

• Share one of the stories your family has told you about when you were a baby.
• If you found a backpack filled with dollar bills, what would you do?
• Write about a time when you felt proud of yourself.
• Imagine your parents let you plan your next family vacation. Tell about what you’d do, and how your family would react.
• Write about a time you felt like quitting but didn’t. How did you keep yourself going?
• Tell about an event that happened recently at your school or in your town.
• Start a story in the middle, and use “flashbacks” to fill in what happened earlier.
• Describe the most exciting game or sports event you ever saw or participated in.

• What is your earliest memory? Describe it in detail.
• Write about a time you tried something new and how you felt before, during, and after.
• Tell a story that a family member loves to share over and over again.
• Tell the story of your favorite field trip of all time.
• If you could relive any day in your life, what would it be? Would you want it to be the same or different?
• Write about a time you visited a haunted house or other scary place.
• Tell a story about a time you visited someplace new.

Creative Writing Prompts for 4th Grade

• Pretend you ate a magic pill that made you as tall as a redwood tree. Where would you go and what would you do?
• If you met an alien, what three questions would you ask them?
• Pretend you drank a magic potion that made you as tiny as an ant. Where would you go and what would you do?
• What would the world be like if dinosaurs still existed?
• If you could invent something new the world really needs, what would it be? How would it work?
• Describe a world where it rains fruit juice and snows M&Ms.
• Come up with the most ridiculous excuse possible for why you are unable to turn in your homework today.
• Describe a world where all the adults are robots, but kids are still human kids.
• Imagine a conversation between yourself and a talking animal.
• Describe the kind of creature you’d create if you were a mad scientist. Would it be scary and mean? Nice and friendly?
• Invent a new kind of candy. Give it a name, and write a commercial jingle for it.

4th Grade Story Starters

• Retell a classic story, making the villain the hero instead.
• Write a story that includes these five words: keys, spaghetti, uncle, jellyfish, spaceship.
• Imagine that one day you woke up and found everyone in the world could no longer talk. What would happen next?
• Write about a day where kids are in charge instead of grown-ups.
• Imagine you’re lost in a haunted wood, and tell the story of your escape.

• Describe a night in the life of the tooth fairy.
• Tell a story that ends with these words: “… and that’s how we all learned to fly.”
• Use these words to start a story: “When I opened the box that came in the mail, I never expected to find …”
• Write a new chapter of your favorite book, with yourself as a new character.
• Imagine you woke up one morning with a superpower, like invisibility or the ability to fly. Describe your experiences learning how to use that power.

Current Events Writing Prompts for 4th Grade

• Learn about an endangered animal, and describe what we can do to help it.
• If you made a time capsule for this year, what would you put in it?
• Describe something that you saw in the news recently and how it made you feel.
• What do you think is one of the world’s biggest problems right now, and how would you solve it?
• Read a news story about something happening in another country and summarize it.
• Write a news article about something important that happened to you this week.
• Create a poem about something in the local news right now.
• Write a letter to the editor about a current issue, explaining your opinion.
• Find a “good news” story, and share why it makes you happy.
• What living famous person do you most admire and why?
• What do you think kids today can do about climate change and global warming?
• What does the word “racism” mean to you?
• What is one thing you would do to make your school or town a better place?
• Choose an upcoming sports event, and explain who you think will win.
• Describe a current fashion trend or something that’s very popular in your school right now and how you feel about it.
• What can we do to help people with different opinions get along with one another better?
• Interview a grown-up you know, and write a news article about them.
• What do you think is the best new song right now? The worst? Why?
• Describe an event that’s happening in the world right now that you don’t understand. What questions would you ask a grown-up about it?

Looking for more? Check out 150 Inspiring Picture Writing Prompts To Spark Creativity !

How do you use writing prompts with your students come share your ideas and ask for advice in the we are teachers helpline group on facebook ., you might also like.

150 Inspiring Picture Writing Prompts To Spark Creativity (Free Google Slides)

Use a picture to write a thousand words! Continue Reading

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The Not So WImpy Teacher creates resources for busy teachers in grades 2-5 who are looking to deliver engaging and meaningful lessons without overwhelm and chaos.

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Last updated on October 20, 2023 by Not So Wimpy Teacher

8 Must-Do Tips for Teaching Personal Narrative

When I was in the classroom, I organized my writing instruction into units of study. Focusing on one unit at a time helps students become better writers. Rather than skipping around from topic to topic, students get to dig into one genre for eight weeks. This helps them truly master the skills and strategies of each genre. You can read more about teaching writing in units  here .

My favorite genre to teach at the beginning of the year is personal narrative.

A personal narrative is a true story based on personal experiences. All students have personal experiences that they can write about it (although you may have to help them realize this), so this makes it an easy genre to use when you introduce writing. Students enjoy writing about themselves. They get excited to write narratives. Personal narratives also help you get to know the students at the beginning of the year.

Here are some tips for teaching personal narratives

1. start with a pre-assessment.

It’s important to start each writing unit with a pre-assessment. This allows you to see what students know before you teach the unit. A pre-assessment helps you plan lessons and form conference groups. It also gives you a baseline from which to measure student growth at the end of the unit. 

Keep the pre-assessment assignment super simple. Give students a prompt so you can be sure they are using the right type of writing. And offer some suggestions for how to answer that prompt. For example: “Tell me about a time you visited a new place, such as a new school, a new friend’s house, a new playground, or a new city.” These suggestions help get students thinking about how to answer the prompt. Allow one writing period, between 30-45 minutes, to respond to it the best they can. Then use a simple rubric to score the sample, but don’t add the grade to the grade book. 

Expect your students to struggle. Remember you haven’t taught this material yet. But make sure you let them work independently without commenting on their work.

2. Make sure students know what a personal narrative is

If you want your students to be able to successfully write a personal narrative, you need to explicitly teach them what that is. Spend a day or two looking at examples of personal narratives. Use lots of mentor text passages and books. My writing units include the relevant mentor texts, but your classroom or school library also has many examples.

After you’ve provided several examples, give students a chance to apply what they learned. A task card scoot is a great way to check for understanding.

3. Teach students how to generate a personal narrative topic

When students are permitted to choose their own topic, they are more excited about writing. Selecting a topic that is interesting to them gives them ownership over their writing and makes it more meaningful. So rather than directing all your students to write about “A Time I Felt Proud,” allow them to select their own topic.

But, and this is so important, you need to teach them how to do this. Otherwise, you’ll be faced with a lot of blank pages and “I don’t know what to write about” complaints. Plan to spend a couple of days demonstrating strategies for generating topics. My writing units include these lessons.

4. Let them write right away

One of the biggest mistakes teachers make when teaching writing is waiting too long to let kids start drafting. If you try to teach every skill related to personal narrative before letting students write, they will get bored. 

Let them start drafting early. As soon as you’ve taught students how to generate a topic, let them get their ideas on paper. The first draft won’t be perfect, but it’s not supposed to be. They are just getting started.

5. Don’t get discouraged

Their first drafts are not going to be very good. This is true of all first drafts. But especially at the beginning of the year. Students might be a little rusty after summer vacation. Or they may have never learned how to write before.

Don’t get discouraged. You haven’t even started teaching writing yet. Over the next several weeks, you will teach them lots of strategies to improve their writing. And they will have many opportunities to revise that first draft. Between mini lessons, writing conferences, and independent practice their writing will get better.

6. Teach one skill at a time

After students have completed their first draft it’s time to get into the nitty-gritty lessons of what makes a good personal narrative. Plan to focus on just one skill at a time. And take your time teaching that skill.

Some important skills to teach during personal narrative are strong leads, dialogue, paragraphs, and show don’t tell. But you can’t teach any of these topics in one day.

Instead of introducing the topic of interesting leads and giving students three or four examples at once, you might teach the skill over three days. Each day you can introduce just one interesting type of lead and have students go back to their draft and revise it to reflect what they just learned. This means they’ll write three interesting leads for one story. At the end of the topic, they can choose the one they like best. But they will have had practice experimenting with all three and will have three new tools in their writing toolbox.

Curious about what other skills you should teach in the personal narrative unit? Check out my FREE What to Teach in Writing Guide for a complete list.

7. Break down the editing process

It’s important that you teach kids how to edit. If you just tell them to edit their work, chances are they will spend two minutes skimming it and tell you it’s good. And you will see ten errors in two seconds.

Rather than just giving them the task of editing, break down the process and have them focus on one specific item. Maybe you want your students to make sure all their sentences start with a capital letter or end with a punctuation mark. Or maybe you want them to focus on indenting their paragraphs. 

You can choose any skill you want to emphasize, but don’t expect them to edit everything all at once. And once they are finished editing, resist the urge to point out all the other mistakes. Remember, the purpose of writing is communicating ideas, not perfecting spelling or grammar. 

8. Celebrate student writing

This is the best part! Once students have finished their masterpieces, find a fun way to publish them. You can create class books or blogs. Or let students write their final copy on fancy paper. 

Make sure to allow time for students to share with one another. Authors write so that they can share their stories with others. And kids really enjoy the opportunity to share their writing.

Try an author celebration. There are many ways to do this in the classroom. You might turn your classroom into Camp Share-a-Story.  Bring in sleeping bags, flashlights, and simple s’mores and allow students to share their stories in small groups while a campfire plays on YouTube on the whiteboard. 

Or invite parents to visit for a “book launch.” Let the students read their stories to their adult visitors while sipping punch. The key is to make it fun so that students look forward to their next writing piece.

Personal Narrative Writing Units

If you’d like even more help teaching personal narrative, my writing units may be just what you are looking for.

These units are available for grades 2-5 and come with EVERYTHING  you need to teach personal narrative writing for 8 weeks. I’ve even included all the mentor texts you need. You don’t have to purchase any additional books or spend hours hunting in the library!

The lesson plans are simple. All you have to do is print and teach.

Students will learn all the skills necessary for a small moment story with dialogue, a strong lead, interesting word choice, paragraphs, and so much more. There are digital anchor charts you can just project onto your whiteboard to save time.

Finally, these units make writing fun for your students. You may even find that your students moan and groan when writing time is over. And when students enjoy writing and get lots of practice, they perform better on standardized tests. 

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Personal Narrative Writing Unit – 2nd Grade

Personal Narrative Writing Unit – 3rd Grade

Personal Narrative Writing Unit – 4th Grade

Personal Narrative Writing Unit – 5th Grade

Or, save money and buy a bundle of all 4 writing units: personal narrative, informational essay, opinion, and fiction narrative. You’ll have everything you need to teach writing for the entire year!

Work With Me

I created the Not So Wimpy Writing Masterclass , an online professional development course specifically for teachers in grades 2-5 . The tips and strategies inside the course will help you ditch the overwhelm and become a more confident writing teacher who inspires students and transforms them into kids who love to write.

When you enroll in the Masterclass, you’ll learn tried and true strategies for how to teach writing , including how to:

• Teach writing in units
• Create manageable mini-lessons  
• Keep students on task during independent writing time
• Implement a successful writing workshop without chaos and confusion
• Transform ALL your students into eager and excited writers who have the skills needed to perform well on standardized tests

This course will make teaching writing easier, more effective, and a heck of a lot more fun! And this professional development is easy! The course is completely online and self-paced. So you are in complete control of your schedule.

​​ Registration for the Not So Wimpy Writing Masterclass is currently closed. Be sure to sign up for the Waitlist so you will be the first to know when we open it again. Sign up now so you don’t miss out!

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Not So Wimpy Writing Masterclass

Do you struggle to find time to teach writing? Do you find it a challenge to deliver lessons that help all of your writers? Would you like to learn a simple and effective way to teach writing? The Not So Wimpy Writing Masterclass is an online professional development course for grades 2-5. In this course, you will go from feeling overwhelmed to feeling confident and excited about teaching writing.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

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Thesis Statement for Personal Essay

Thesis statement generator for personal essay.

Personal essays are intimate reflections, weaving together narratives and insights to deliver profound messages. Central to these essays is the thesis statement — a guiding beacon that directs the narrative and offers clarity to readers. Crafting a resonant thesis for a personal essay requires introspection and a deep understanding of one’s own journey. This guide will illuminate the path to writing compelling thesis statements for personal essays, complete with examples and expert tips.

What is a Personal Essay Thesis Statement? – Definition:

A personal essay thesis statement is a concise expression of the central theme or primary insight of the essay. Unlike thesis statements in more formal academic papers, a personal essay’s thesis often captures an emotion, lesson learned, or a core truth about the writer’s experience. It provides readers with a glimpse into the essence of the writer’s story and sets the stage for the unfolding narrative.

What is the Best Thesis Statement Example for Personal Essay?

While the “best” thesis statement for a personal essay would depend on the specific topic and the individual’s experience, here’s a general example:

“Through the winding journey of self-discovery amidst challenges, I realized that embracing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to the strength of the human spirit.”

This final thesis statement encapsulates a personal insight while hinting at a narrative of challenges and self-discovery, drawing readers into the essay’s deeper exploration of the topic.

100 Thesis Statement Examples for Personal Essay

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Personal essays are windows into the author’s soul, glimpses of moments, lessons, and reflections that have shaped their journey. The good thesis statement in these essays is more than just a mere statement; it’s the heartbeat of the narrative, encapsulating the essence of the tale and the wisdom gleaned from it. Let’s explore a collection of thesis statements, each weaving its unique tapestry of human experience.

• “The echoes of my grandmother’s stories taught me the power of legacy and the importance of preserving memory.”
• “Navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence, I discovered the anchoring power of self-acceptance.”
• “In the silent corridors of grief, I unearthed the profound strength that lies in vulnerability.”
• “The tapestry of my multicultural upbringing illustrated the beauty of diversity and the bridges it can build.”
• “Amid the cacophony of urban life, the serenity of nature became my sanctuary and muse.”
• “Love, in its many shades, revealed to me that it is more about giving than receiving.”
• “Facing the monolith of failure, I realized it’s but a stepping stone to success.”
• “The journey from solitude to loneliness taught me the invaluable nature of genuine connections.”
• “Chasing dreams on the canvas of a starlit sky, I learned that ambition has its roots in passion, not just success.”
• “The silent conversations with my reflection taught me the transformative power of self-love.”
• “In the crossroads of life’s decisions, I discovered that intuition often holds the compass to our true north.”
• “The rhythms of dance became my language, translating emotions words often couldn’t capture.”
• “Wandering through foreign lands, I understood that home isn’t a place but a feeling.”
• “The unraveling of old beliefs led me to the mosaic of perspectives that color the world.”
• “In the realm of dreams, I grasped the significance of perseverance and the magic of belief.”
• “As seasons changed, so did my understanding of the impermanence of life and the beauty it holds.”
• “The melodies of my mother’s lullabies became the soundtrack of my resilience and hope.”
• “In the pages of forgotten diaries, I retraced the evolution of my thoughts and the depth of my growth.”
• “The culinary adventures in my grandmother’s kitchen were lessons in love, tradition, and the art of giving.”
• “Amidst life’s cacophony, the whispering pages of books became my escape and my anchor.”
• “Through the lens of my camera, I captured the transient nature of moments and the eternity they hold.”
• “The mosaic of friendships over the years showcased the fluidity of human connections and their timeless essence.”
• “Under the shade of ancient trees, I learned patience, growth, and the cycles of life.”
• “The footprints on sandy shores traced my journey of introspection and the tides of change.”
• “In the embrace of twilight, I unraveled the beauty of endings and the promises they carry.”
• “From handwritten letters, I unearthed the magic of words and the bridges they create across distances.”
• “The undulating paths of mountain hikes mirrored life’s ups and downs, teaching me resilience and wonder.”
• “Within the hallowed halls of museums, I discovered humanity’s quest for expression and the stories etched in time.”
• “The serendipities of chance encounters taught me the universe’s uncanny ability to weave tales of connection.”
• “In the garden’s bloom and wither, I saw life’s ephemeral nature and the rebirth that follows decay”
• “The tapestry of city sounds became my symphony, teaching me to find harmony in chaos.”
• “Between the pages of my journal, I discovered the transformative power of reflection and the stories we tell ourselves.”
• “In the heartbeats of quiet moments, I recognized the profound value of stillness in a world constantly in motion.”
• “Through the myriad hues of sunsets, I learned that endings can be beautiful beginnings in disguise.”
• “The labyrinth of memories illuminated the idea that our past shapes us, but doesn’t define us.”
• “The first brush strokes on a blank canvas taught me the courage to start and the potential of the unknown.”
• “In the aroma of rain-kissed earth, I found the connection between nature’s simplicity and life’s profound moments.”
• “The gentle tug of ocean waves mirrored the ebb and flow of emotions and the healing power of letting go.”
• “Amidst the ruins of ancient civilizations, I grasped the timeless human desire to leave a mark and be remembered.”
• “The resonance of old songs brought back memories, revealing how art transcends time, reminding us of who we were.”
• “In the mirror of my parents’ aging faces, I saw the passage of time and the stories etched in every wrinkle.”
• “The spontaneity of impromptu road trips unveiled the joy of unplanned adventures and the paths less traveled.”
• “The aroma of childhood meals evoked memories, teaching me that senses can be portals to the past.”
• “From the heights of skydiving, I felt the exhilarating blend of fear, freedom, and the joy of being alive.”
• “In the cadence of poetry, I learned the power of words to heal, inspire, and transport to different realms.”
• “The play of shadows and light during an eclipse taught me about life’s dualities and the balance they bring.”
• “The laughter and tears shared with friends showcased the depth of human connection and the shared threads of our stories.”
• “Amidst the solitude of silent retreats, I discovered the voice within and the wisdom it holds.”
• “Through the changing vistas of train journeys, I realized life is less about destinations and more about the journey.”
• “The cycles of the moon became my reflection on the phases of life and the beauty in its transitions.
• “In the silent flight of a butterfly, I witnessed the delicate dance of change and the beauty of metamorphosis.”
• “The melodies of street musicians became my muse, illustrating the universal language of passion and art.”
• “Within the pages of fairy tales, I unraveled deeper truths about hope, bravery, and the magic within us all.”
• “The fragility of a snowflake mirrored the fleeting moments of life, urging me to cherish each one.”
• “Through the lens of history, I understood the cyclical nature of time and the lessons it persistently offers.”
• “Amid the vastness of deserts, I felt the weight of solitude and the freedom it silently gifts.”
• “In the embrace of night’s silence, I learned to listen to my inner voice, undistracted by the day’s clamor.”
• “The ritual of morning coffee became a meditation, teaching me to find joy in simple routines and moments.”
• “The constellation of stars in the night sky showed me the beauty of small lights in vast darkness.”
• “In the hustle of marketplaces, I perceived the intricate dance of life, commerce, and shared human experience.”
• “The whispers of old trees carried tales of time, resilience, and the secrets of unwavering growth.”
• “From the peaks of mountains, I felt the world’s vastness and my tiny yet significant place within it.”
• “The riddles of childhood games taught me the joys of curiosity and the journey of seeking answers.”
• “The seasons’ rhythmic dance became my muse, reflecting life’s constant change and the beauty in every phase.”
• “In the flicker of candle flames, I felt the warmth of hope and the luminescence of undying spirit.”
• “The ever-expanding universe became a metaphor for boundless possibilities and the mysteries yet to be unraveled.”
• “The resonance of church bells reminded me of the call to introspect and find solace within.”
• “The chorus of chirping birds at dawn became an ode to new beginnings and the melodies of nature.”
• “In the winding paths of forests, I discovered life’s unexpected turns and the revelations they bring.”
• “The myriad hues of a painter’s palette echoed the diversity of human emotions and the art of expressing them.
• “Beneath the veil of city lights, I discerned the contrast between loneliness in crowds and solace in solitude.”
• “In the ripples of a serene pond, I realized that even the smallest of actions can have far-reaching effects.”
• “The ballet of autumn leaves taught me about graceful endings and the promise of rebirth.”
• “From the labyrinths of ancient libraries, I uncovered the timelessness of knowledge and human quest for understanding.”
• “Through the whispers of midnight winds, I felt the comforting presence of the unseen and the mysteries of the night.”
• “In the patchwork quilt passed down generations, I recognized the warmth of stories and the fabric of shared memories.”
• “The ascent and descent of tides taught me about life’s cyclical nature and the inevitability of change.”
• “Amidst the aroma of old bookstores, I discovered portals to different worlds and the eternal allure of stories.”
• “In the footprints on a snowy path, I saw the transient nature of moments and the lasting impressions they leave.”
• “The harmonies of a choir became an emblem of unity, diversity, and the beauty of voices coming together.”
• “The transformation of a caterpillar into a butterfly illuminated the wonders of change and the potential within us all.”
• “From the symphony of city streets, I deduced that every individual has a story, waiting to be told.”
• “The unfurling of a rosebud spoke of patience, time, and the elegance in gradual blooming.”
• “In the dance of shadows during twilight, I grasped the interplay between light and dark in our lives.”
• “The handwritten notes in the margins of used books unveiled strangers’ thoughts and the universality of human reflections.”
• “Amidst the patterns of falling rain, I perceived nature’s rhythm and the cleansing it offers.”
• “The voyage across seas showed me the vastness of the world and the adventure of discovering uncharted territories.”
• “The warmth of a fireplace in winter became a symbol of comfort, home, and the gentle embrace of memories.”
• “Through the kaleidoscope of festivals, I appreciated the richness of traditions and the unity they foster.”
• “The arcs of rainbows painted the sky with hope, reminding me of the beauty after storms and the treasures of optimism.
• “In the tapestry of a spider’s web, I witnessed the marvel of intricate designs and the beauty in nature’s craftsmanship.”
• “Through the rhythms of folk dances, I felt the heartbeat of cultures and the stories they carry through generations.”
• “In the embrace of a mother’s lullaby, I rediscovered the profound connection of roots and the safety of unconditional love.”
• “The alchemy of turning clay into pottery taught me about the transformative power of touch and the art of creation.”
• “Amid the grandeur of cathedrals, I sensed the union of devotion, art, and the timeless quest for meaning.”
• “In the migrations of birds, I observed the marvels of nature, the journey of seasons, and the allure of homecomings.”
• “The flavors of grandmother’s recipes held the essence of traditions, stories, and the magic of hands that tell tales.”
• “Through the reflections in a tranquil lake, I grasped the duality of reality and the depths beneath calm surfaces.”
• “In the footsteps across deserts, I felt the perseverance of souls and the vastness of life’s journeys.”
• “The fluttering pages of an old diary brought me back to past selves, the continuum of growth, and the chapters yet unwritten.”

Every one of these thesis statements serves as a unique prism, refracting the singular experiences of life into universally relatable insights. They beckon readers to delve deeper, to embark on introspective voyages, and to resonate with the emotions, memories, and discoveries that are so innately human. Personal essays anchored by such profound statements become more than mere stories; they evolve into shared chronicles of the human spirit, its challenges, joys, and ever-evolving wisdom.  You should also take a look at our  concise thesis statement .

How do you write a thesis statement for a personal essay? – Step by Step Guide

• Understand the Topic (if given): Before you begin, thoroughly read and understand the essay topic, if provided. This will guide your reflection and thought process.
• Reflect on Your Subject: Think deeply about your experiences, feelings, and insights. Identify what story or perspective you want to share.
• Pinpoint the Central Theme: Decide on the main idea or lesson from your reflection. What message or insight do you want your readers to take away?
• Be Specific: Instead of being broad or general, delve into a particular incident, emotion, or realization that epitomizes the theme.
• Draft a Statement: Begin writing your thesis. This should be a concise sentence that encapsulates the essence of your essay.
• Revisit and Refine: As you progress in your essay, revisit your thesis. Ensure it aligns with your narrative and make any necessary refinements.
• Seek Feedback: Share your thesis with peers or mentors. Fresh perspectives can offer invaluable insights or suggestions.

Is there a thesis in a personal essay?

Yes, there typically is a thesis in a personal essay, but it might not be as direct or argumentative as in other types of essays. Instead, the thesis in a personal essay is a central idea or theme that the writer intends to convey. It serves as an anchor, guiding the narrative and ensuring that readers understand the core message or insight of the piece.

How do you start a personal thesis statement?

• Begin with a Bang: Start with a striking statement or a profound realization that encapsulates your story.
• Use Vivid Imagery: Paint a picture with words to immediately engage your readers.
• Pose a Question: Starting with a reflective or rhetorical question can provoke thought and pull readers in.
• Relate to a Universal Theme: Touch on a theme that many can resonate with, such as love, loss, growth, or transformation.

Tips for Writing a Personal Essay Thesis Statement

• Stay Authentic: Your personal essay is your story. Ensure your thesis reflects your genuine emotions, experiences, and insights.
• Keep it Concise: A thesis should be clear and succinct, capturing the essence of your narrative in one or two sentences.
• Avoid Clichés: Steer clear of overused phrases or generalizations. Your thesis should be unique to your story and perspective.
• Maintain Coherence: As you draft your essay, ensure every part of your narrative aligns with and supports your thesis.
• Engage Emotionally: While a thesis should be clear and direct, it should also evoke emotion or curiosity, compelling readers to explore the rest of your essay.
• Revise: As with any part of writing, don’t hesitate to revise your thesis as you refine your essay, ensuring it remains the best reflection of your narrative.

Remember, the thesis of your personal essay is the heart of your narrative. It’s the essence of your story and the message you want to share with the world. Crafting it with care will set the tone for the entire essay and guide your readers on the journey you wish to take them on

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Narrative Writing for Grade 4

Narratives tell stories.

These worksheets and writing prompts focus on creative and effective story writing for kids . 

Writing hooks : 5 ways to get your reader's attention

Plot structure : 5 stages of plot structure

Creating settings : place, time and environment of a story

Character development : create character traits through Q&A

Show, don't tell! : actions and details rather than exposition

Sensory details : writing about what characters see, smell, taste, feel & hear

Descriptive writing : create a complete mental picture of a scene

Small moments writing : write in great detail about a specific moment

Point of view : first, second and third person

Writing personal narratives : organize and write a personal recollection

Narrative writing practice : tying together characters, setting and plot

Narrative writing prompts : creative prompts for grade 4 students

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Home — Essay Samples — Philosophy — Ethics — The Importance of Virtue Ethics

The Importance of Virtue Ethics

• Categories: Ethics

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Published: Mar 20, 2024

Words: 656 | Page: 1 | 4 min read

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Personal development, professional conduct, societal well-being.

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A Portrait of Resilience: the Story Behind North Country

This essay about North Country explores the powerful narrative of Josey Aimes, a woman fighting for equality in the male-dominated mining industry of Minnesota during the late 1970s. It highlights her struggles against sexism and harassment while emphasizing the importance of solidarity among women. The film portrays complex relationships, particularly between Josey and her father, reflecting societal tensions around gender roles. As Josey courageously decides to file a lawsuit for sexual harassment, the essay discusses the broader implications of her actions for labor rights and gender equality. Ultimately, North Country serves as a poignant commentary on the ongoing fight for justice and the strength found in community.

How it works

The film North Country presents a powerful narrative that resonates deeply within the realm of social justice and personal resilience. Set against the backdrop of the iron mines of Minnesota during the late 1970s, it captures the tumultuous journey of women striving for equality in a male-dominated industry. This poignant story, inspired by true events, not only sheds light on the challenges faced by its protagonist, but it also opens a dialogue about broader societal issues that continue to be relevant today.

At the heart of North Country is the story of Josey Aimes, portrayed by Charlize Theron, whose determination to provide for her family drives her to return to her hometown and take a job in the local mine. Her journey, however, is fraught with adversity. From the moment she steps into the predominantly male workplace, she confronts a hostile environment marked by sexism and harassment. The film does not shy away from depicting the harsh realities of this setting, illustrating the daily battles Josey and her fellow female miners face as they strive for dignity and respect. The stark portrayal of these struggles serves as a reminder of the ongoing fight for gender equality in various fields, echoing the voices of countless women across the world who continue to challenge systemic injustice.

The film’s emotional weight is further intensified by the relationships Josey navigates throughout her story. Her connection with her father, played by Sean Bean, adds complexity to her character as he embodies the traditional values of masculinity, often struggling to reconcile his love for his daughter with his ingrained beliefs about gender roles. This internal conflict reflects a broader societal tension, as many individuals grapple with evolving norms while remaining tethered to past ideologies. Josey’s fight is not just against the men in the mine, but also against the expectations of those she holds dear, which complicates her path to empowerment.

Another crucial aspect of North Country is the collective strength of the women in the film. The narrative highlights the importance of solidarity among female characters, illustrating how their shared experiences forge unbreakable bonds. The camaraderie they develop serves as a powerful counterforce to the oppressive environment, reinforcing the idea that unity is essential in the face of adversity. This theme resonates widely, reminding audiences of the transformative power of community and the strength found in shared struggles.

As the film progresses, Josey’s resolve intensifies, culminating in her courageous decision to file a lawsuit against the mining company for sexual harassment. This pivotal moment serves as a turning point not only in her life but also in the broader context of labor rights and gender equality. It raises critical questions about the consequences of standing up against systemic oppression and the personal toll that such battles can exact. The film adeptly navigates the complexities of this choice, showcasing both the empowering aspects of resistance and the profound vulnerabilities that come with it.

Visually and thematically, North Country employs striking imagery and raw emotional authenticity to draw viewers into its narrative. The harsh landscapes of the mining town symbolize both the rugged determination of its inhabitants and the relentless challenges they face. Cinematic choices, such as the stark contrasts between the brutal working conditions and the intimate moments shared between characters, deepen the audience’s engagement with the story. This visual storytelling amplifies the film’s message, reminding us that the fight for justice often takes place in the shadows of societal norms and expectations.

In reflecting on North Country , it becomes clear that its significance extends beyond the confines of the screen. The film acts as a mirror, reflecting the ongoing struggles faced by many in their quest for equality and justice. It invites viewers to confront uncomfortable truths about workplace dynamics and the societal structures that perpetuate discrimination. Through Josey Aimes’ journey, North Country challenges us to consider our own roles in the fight against injustice and to champion the cause of those whose voices remain silenced.

Ultimately, North Country serves as a compelling narrative that not only captures the essence of one woman’s fight for dignity but also ignites a broader conversation about the ongoing battle for gender equality in all spheres of life. Its raw portrayal of courage and resilience continues to inspire audiences, reminding us that the path to justice is fraught with challenges, yet paved with hope and solidarity.

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