example of family conflict essay

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Family Conflict (Essay Sample)

Family conflict.

It is normal to disagree with one another from time to time. Intermittent conflict is part of family life . Family members can disagree when they have different beliefs or views that clash with the interests of others. However, family conflict can be stressful and damage the relationships among family members especially when the members are prone to misunderstanding one another and jumping to wrongly skewed conclusions. The result may be unresolved conflicts that manifest in continuous arguments and end in resentment. Intense family conflict can lead to break-ups and dissolution of marriages or separation of siblings and everlasting disunity even in important matters that affect the family members.

Family conflicts arise for various reasons. Finance and jobs are the main causes of family conflicts. Failure to secure a good job that earns the breadwinner significant income to pay for bills, service mortgages or pay rent, buy food, and fund recreation activities for the family members is the main cause of conflict between the spouses and by extension the siblings. Most often, one of the spouses will tend to believe that the other spouse is spending the money  elsewhere and is not caring for them and begin to quarrel. Also, where one of the spouses is engaged with a job that keeps him or her away from the other spouse and the children will feel neglected and incite conflict. Similarly, if the breadwinner loses the job, the family members are likely to be stressed and quarrel as their future financial situation becomes uncertain.

Apart from finances and jobs, family conflicts could arise from sibling rivalry. Siblings will naturally compete with one another for parental approval or attention. Such competition may involve causing harm to others, teasing one another, or tattling. Either of such practices will eventually result in conflict among the siblings, especially where the parent does not intervene and uphold equality among the siblings through showing equal love and acceptance for all.

In addition to finance, jobs, and sibling rivalry, lack of patience and understanding among the family members is another cause of conflict. The sustainability of families requires patience from both members since there are events that occur along the way which could be unfavorable. For instance, at some point, a breadwinner may lose his or her job. Family members ought to be patient and understand the situation as they await a resolution to the situation. Most often, the other spouse would be impatient and rush to conclude that the family has lost direction leading to quarrels and conflict in the family.

Since family conflicts are inevitable, there should be ways of resolving or avoiding the conflicts to avoid the adverse effects of these conflicts. One of the ways to resolve family conflicts is to be patient and slow to quarrel. Holding the tongue for a few seconds can be a great step towards resolving a conflict. Spouses can calm down and think of better ways to respond to a situation or a developing conflict. With patience, a better thought solution can be offered to resolve a conflict than quickly rushing to fight with one another. Also, family members can avoid conflicts by getting hard on their problems and not just blaming one another. Avoiding the blame games opens room for concessions and allows the family members to work together in finding solutions to their problems.

Overall, family conflicts can easily be predicted as they develop from obvious issues such as finance, jobs or sibling rivalry. As a family head, one ought to keep track of these issues and be in the leading line to offer solutions to such problems before the conflict arises. Patience and understanding are crucial for all family members if conflicts are to be avoided.

Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

Relationships Articles & More

Family conflict is normal; it’s the repair that matters, here's how to navigate the inevitable tension and disconnection in family relationships..

Three months into the pandemic, I had the urge to see my 28-year-old daughter and her husband, 2,000 miles away. She had weathered an acute health crisis, followed by community protests that propelled them both onto the streets to serve food and clean up neighborhoods. They were coping, but the accumulation of challenges made the mom in me want to connect with and support them. So, together with my husband, my other daughter, and her husband, our family of six adults and two dogs formed a new pod inside my daughter’s home in the steamy heat of the Minneapolis summer.

As I packed, a wisp of doubt crept in. We six hadn’t lived together under the same roof, ever . Would I blow it? Would I “flap my lips,” as a friend calls it, and accidentally say something hurtful? Some time back, in a careless moment of exhaustion, I had insulted my brand-new son-in-law with a thoughtless remark. He was rightfully hurt, and it took a long letter and a phone call to get us back on track.

My own siblings and I were raised inside the intractable rupture that was my parents’ marriage. Their lifelong conflict sowed discord and division in everyone around them. I worked hard to create a different, positive family climate with my husband and our children. My old ghosts were haunting me, though, and I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. 

Yet research shows that it’s not realistic, or possible, or even healthy to expect that our relationships will be harmonious all the time. Everything we know from developmental science and research on families suggests that rifts will happen—and what matters more is how you respond to them. With many families spending more time together than ever now, there are ample opportunities for tension and hurt feelings. These moments also offer ample invitations to reconnect.

Disconnections are a fact of life

Researcher Ed Tronick, together with colleague Andrew Gianino, calculated how often infants and caregivers are attuned to each other. (Attunement is a back-and-forth rhythm of interaction where partners share positive emotions.) They found that it’s surprisingly little. Even in healthy, securely attached relationships, caregivers and babies are in sync only 30% of the time. The other 70%, they’re mismatched, out of synch, or making repairs and coming back together. Cheeringly, even babies work toward repairs with their gazes, smiles, gestures, protests, and calls.

These mismatches and repairs are critical, Tronick explains. They’re important for growing children’s self-regulation, coping, and resilience. It is through these mismatches—in small, manageable doses—that babies, and later children, learn that the world does not track them perfectly. These small exposures to the micro-stress of unpleasant feelings, followed by the pleasant feelings that accompany repair, or coming back together, are what give them manageable practice in keeping their boat afloat when the waters are choppy. Put another way, if a caregiver met all of their child’s needs perfectly, it would actually get in the way of the child’s development. 
 “Repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting,” says UCLA neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel , director of the Mindsight Institute and author of several books on interpersonal neurobiology.

Life is a series of mismatches, miscommunications, and misattunements that are quickly repaired, says Tronick , and then again become miscoordinated and stressful, and again are repaired. This occurs thousands of times in a day, and millions of times over a year.

Greater Good in Spanish

Read this article in Spanish on La Red Hispana, the public-facing media outlet and distribution house of HCN , focused on educating, inspiring, and informing 40 million U.S. Hispanics.

Other research shows that children have more conflicts and repairs with friends than non-friends. Sibling conflict is legendary; and adults’ conflicts escalate when they become parents. If interpersonal conflict is unavoidable—and even necessary—then the only way we can maintain important relationships is to get better at re-synchronizing them, and especially at tending to repairs when they rupture.

“Relationships shrink to the size of the field of repair,” says Rick Hanson , psychologist and author of several books on the neuroscience of well-being. “But a bid for a repair is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that humans offer to each other,” he adds. “It says you value the relationship.”

Strengthening the family fabric

In a small Canadian study , researchers examined how parents of four- to seven-year-old children strengthened, harmed, or repaired their relationships with their children. Parents said their relationships with their children were strengthened by “horizontal” or egalitarian exchanges like playing together, negotiating, taking turns, compromising, having fun, or sharing psychological intimacy—in other words, respecting and enjoying one another. Their relationships were harmed by an over-reliance on power and authority, and especially by stonewalling tactics like the “silent treatment.” When missteps happened, parents repaired and restored intimacy by expressing warmth and affection, talking about what happened, and apologizing.

This model of strengthening, harming, and repairing can help you think about your own interactions. When a family relationship is already positive, there is a foundation of trust and a belief in the other’s good intentions, which helps everyone restore more easily from minor ruptures. For this reason, it helps to proactively tend the fabric of family relationships. 
 That can begin with simply building up an investment of positive interactions:

• Spend “special time” with each child individually to create more space to deepen your one-to-one relationship. Let them control the agenda and decide how long you spend together.
• Appreciate out loud, share gratitude reflections, and notice the good in your children intermittently throughout the day or week.

You also want to watch out for ways you might harm the relationship. If you’re ever unsure about a child’s motives, check their intentions behind their behaviors and don’t assume they were ill-intentioned. Language like, “I noticed that…” or “Tell me what happened…” or “And then what happened?” can help you begin to understand an experience from the child’s point of view.

A Loving Space for Kids’ Emotions

Show love to your children by helping them process emotions

When speaking to a child, consider how they might receive what you’re saying. Remember that words and silence have weight; children are “ emotional Geiger counters ” and read your feelings much more than they process your words. If you are working through feelings or traumas that have nothing to do with them, take care to be responsible for your own feelings and take a moment to calm yourself before speaking.

In this context of connection and understanding, you can then create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed:

• Watch for tiny bids for repairs . Sometimes we have so much on our minds that we miss the look, gesture, or expression in a child that shows that what they really want is to reconnect.
• Normalize requests like “I need a repair” or “Can we have a redo?” We need to be able to let others know when the relationship has been harmed.
• Likewise, if you think you might have stepped on someone’s toes, circle back to check. Catching a misstep early can help.

When you’re annoyed by a family member’s behavior, try to frame your request for change in positive language; that is, say what you want them to do rather than what you don’t. Language like, “I have a request…” or “Would you be willing to…?” keeps the exchange more neutral and helps the recipient stay engaged rather than getting defensive.

You can also model healthy repairs with people around you, so they are normalized and children see their usefulness in real time. Children benefit when they watch adults resolve conflict constructively.


Four steps to an authentic repair

There are infinite varieties of repairs, and they can vary in a number of ways, depending on your child’s age and temperament, and how serious the rift was.

Infants need physical contact and the restoration of love and security. Older children need affection and more words. Teenagers may need more complex conversations. Individual children vary in their styles—some need more words than others, and what is hurtful to one child may not faze another child. Also, your style might not match the child’s, requiring you to stretch further.

Some glitches are little and may just need a check-in, but deeper wounds need more attention. Keep the apology in proportion to the hurt. What’s important is not your judgment of how hurt someone should be, but the actual felt experience of the child’s hurt. A one-time apology may suffice, but some repairs need to be acknowledged frequently over time to really stitch that fabric back together. It’s often helpful to check in later to see if the amends are working.

While each repair is unique, authentic repairs typically involve the same steps.

1. Acknowledge the offense. First, try to understand the hurt you caused. It doesn’t matter if it was unintentional or what your reasons were. This is the time to turn off your own defense system and focus on understanding and naming the other person’s pain or anger.

Sometimes you need to check your understanding. Begin slowly: “Did I hurt you? Help me understand how.” This can be humbling and requires that we listen with an open heart as we take in the other person’s perspective.

Try not to undermine the apology by adding on any caveats, like blaming the child for being sensitive or ill-behaved or deserving of what happened. Any attempt to gloss over, minimize, or dilute the wound is not an authentic repair. Children have a keen sense for authenticity. Faking it or overwhelming them will not work.

A spiritual teacher reminded me of an old saying, “It is acknowledging the wound that gets the thorn out.” It’s what reconnects our humanity.

Making an Effective Apology

A good apology involves more than saying "sorry"

2. Express remorse. Here, a sincere “I’m sorry” is sufficient.

Don’t add anything to it. One of the mistakes adults often make, according to therapist and author Harriet Lerner , is to tack on a discipline component: “Don’t let it happen again,” or “Next time, you’re really going to get it.” This, says Lerner, is what prevents children from learning to use apologies themselves. 
 Apologizing can be tricky for adults. It might feel beneath us, or we may fear that we’re giving away our power. We shouldn’t have to apologize to a child, because as adults we are always right, right? Of course not. But it’s easy to get stuck in a vertical power relationship to our child that makes backtracking hard.

On the other hand, some adults—especially women, says Rick Hanson —can go overboard and be too effusive, too obsequious, or even too quick in their efforts to apologize. This can make the apology more about yourself than the person who was hurt. Or it could be a symptom of a need for one’s own boundary work.   

There is no perfect formula for an apology except that it be delivered in a way that acknowledges the wound and makes amends. And there can be different paths to that. Our family sometimes uses a jokey, “You were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong,” to playfully acknowledge light transgressions. Some apologies are nonverbal: My father atoned for missing all of my childhood birthdays when he traveled 2,000 miles to surprise me at my doorstep for an adult birthday. Words are not his strong suit, but his planning, effort, and showing up was the repair. Apologies can take on all kinds of tones and qualities.

3. Consider offering a brief explanation. If you sense that the other person is open to listening, you can provide a brief explanation of your point of view, but use caution, as this can be a slippery slope. Feel into how much is enough. The focus of the apology is on the wounded person’s experience. If an explanation helps, fine, but it shouldn’t derail the intent. This is not the time to add in your own grievances—that’s a conversation for a different time.

4. Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and to prevent it from happening again. With a child, especially, try to be concrete and actionable about how the same mistake can be prevented in the future. “I’m going to try really hard to…” and “Let’s check back in to see how it’s feeling…” can be a start.

Remember to forgive yourself, too. This is a tender process, we are all works in progress, and adults are still developing. I know I am.

Prior to our visit, my daughter and I had a phone conversation. We shared our excitement about the rare chance to spend so much time together. Then we gingerly expressed our concerns.

 “I’m afraid we’ll get on each other’s nerves,” I said.

“I’m afraid I’ll be cooking and cleaning the whole time,” she replied.

So we strategized about preventing these foibles. She made a spreadsheet of chores where everyone signed up for a turn cooking and cleaning, and we discussed the space needs that people would have for working and making phone calls.

Then I drew a breath and took a page from the science. “I think we have to expect that conflicts are going to happen,” I said. “It’s how we work through them that will matter. The love is in the repair.”

This article is excerpted from a longer article on Diana Divecha’s blog, developmentalscience.com.

About the Author

Diana Divecha

Diana Divecha, Ph.D. , is a developmental psychologist, an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and on the advisory board of the Greater Good Science Center. Her blog is developmentalscience.com .

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Essay about Family: What It Is and How to Nail It

Humans naturally seek belonging within families, finding comfort in knowing someone always cares. Yet, families can also stir up insecurities and mental health struggles.

Family dynamics continue to intrigue researchers across different fields. Every year, new studies explore how these relationships shape our minds and emotions.

In this article, our dissertation service will guide you through writing a family essay. You can also dive into our list of topics for inspiration and explore some standout examples to spark your creativity.

What is Family Essay

A family essay takes a close look at the bonds and experiences within families. It's a common academic assignment, especially in subjects like sociology, psychology, and literature.

So, what's involved exactly? Simply put, it's an exploration of what family signifies to you. You might reflect on cherished family memories or contemplate the portrayal of families in various media.

What sets a family essay apart is its personal touch. It allows you to express your own thoughts and experiences. Moreover, it's versatile – you can analyze family dynamics, reminisce about family customs, or explore other facets of familial life.

If you're feeling uncertain about how to write an essay about family, don't worry; you can explore different perspectives and select topics that resonate with various aspects of family life.

Tips For Writing An Essay On Family Topics

A family essay typically follows a free-form style, unless specified otherwise, and adheres to the classic 5-paragraph structure. As you jot down your thoughts, aim to infuse your essay with inspiration and the essence of creative writing, unless your family essay topics lean towards complexity or science.

Here are some easy-to-follow tips from our essay service experts:

• Focus on a Specific Aspect: Instead of a broad overview, delve into a specific angle that piques your interest, such as exploring how birth order influences sibling dynamics or examining the evolving role of grandparents in modern families.
• Share Personal Anecdotes: Start your family essay introduction with a personal touch by sharing stories from your own experiences. Whether it's about a favorite tradition, a special trip, or a tough time, these stories make your writing more interesting.
• Use Real-life Examples: Illustrate your points with concrete examples or anecdotes. Draw from sources like movies, books, historical events, or personal interviews to bring your ideas to life.
• Explore Cultural Diversity: Consider the diverse array of family structures across different cultures. Compare traditional values, extended family systems, or the unique hurdles faced by multicultural families.
• Take a Stance: Engage with contentious topics such as homeschooling, reproductive technologies, or governmental policies impacting families. Ensure your arguments are supported by solid evidence.
• Delve into Psychology: Explore the psychological underpinnings of family dynamics, touching on concepts like attachment theory, childhood trauma, or patterns of dysfunction within families.
• Emphasize Positivity: Share uplifting stories of families overcoming adversity or discuss strategies for nurturing strong, supportive family bonds.
• Offer Practical Solutions: Wrap up your essay by proposing actionable solutions to common family challenges, such as fostering better communication, achieving work-life balance, or advocating for family-friendly policies.

Family Essay Topics

When it comes to writing, essay topics about family are often considered easier because we're intimately familiar with our own families. The more you understand about your family dynamics, traditions, and experiences, the clearer your ideas become.

If you're feeling uninspired or unsure of where to start, don't worry! Below, we have compiled a list of good family essay topics to help get your creative juices flowing. Whether you're assigned this type of essay or simply want to explore the topic, these suggestions from our history essay writer are tailored to spark your imagination and prompt meaningful reflection on different aspects of family life.

So, take a moment to peruse the list. Choose the essay topics about family that resonate most with you. Then, dive in and start exploring your family's stories, traditions, and connections through your writing.

• Supporting Family Through Tough Times
• Staying Connected with Relatives
• Empathy and Compassion in Family Life
• Strengthening Bonds Through Family Gatherings
• Quality Time with Family: How Vital Is It?
• Navigating Family Relationships Across Generations
• Learning Kindness and Generosity in a Large Family
• Communication in Healthy Family Dynamics
• Forgiveness in Family Conflict Resolution
• Building Trust Among Extended Family
• Defining Family in Today's World
• Understanding Nuclear Family: Various Views and Cultural Differences
• Understanding Family Dynamics: Relationships Within the Family Unit
• What Defines a Family Member?
• Modernizing the Nuclear Family Concept
• Exploring Shared Beliefs Among Family Members
• Evolution of the Concept of Family Love Over Time
• Examining Family Expectations
• Modern Standards and the Idea of an Ideal Family
• Life Experiences and Perceptions of Family Life
• Genetics and Extended Family Connections
• Utilizing Family Trees for Ancestral Links
• The Role of Younger Siblings in Family Dynamics
• Tracing Family History Through Oral Tradition and Genealogy
• Tracing Family Values Through Your Family Tree
• Exploring Your Elder Sister's Legacy in the Family Tree
• Connecting Daily Habits to Family History
• Documenting and Preserving Your Family's Legacy
• Navigating Online Records and DNA Testing for Family History
• Tradition as a Tool for Family Resilience
• Involving Family in Daily Life to Maintain Traditions
• Creating New Traditions for a Small Family
• The Role of Traditions in Family Happiness
• Family Recipes and Bonding at House Parties
• Quality Time: The Secret Tradition for Family Happiness
• The Joy of Cousins Visiting for Christmas
• Including Family in Birthday Celebrations
• Balancing Traditions and Unconditional Love
• Building Family Bonds Through Traditions

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Family Essay Example

For a better grasp of the essay on family, our team of skilled writers has crafted a great example. It looks into the subject matter, allowing you to explore and understand the intricacies involved in creating compelling family essays. So, check out our meticulously crafted sample to discover how to craft essays that are not only well-written but also thought-provoking and impactful.

Final Outlook

In wrapping up, let's remember: a family essay gives students a chance to showcase their academic skills and creativity by sharing personal stories. However, it's important to stick to academic standards when writing about these topics. We hope our list of topics sparked your creativity and got you on your way to a reflective journey. And if you hit a rough patch, you can just ask us to ' do my essay for me ' for top-notch results!

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FAQs on Writing an Essay about Family

Family essays seem like something school children could be assigned at elementary schools, but family is no less important than climate change for our society today, and therefore it is one of the most central research themes.

Below you will find a list of frequently asked questions on family-related topics. Before you conduct research, scroll through them and find out how to write an essay about your family.

How to Write an Essay About Your Family History?

How to write an essay about a family member, how to write an essay about family and roots, how to write an essay about the importance of family, related articles.

Family Conflict Essay

When family members fight, it can tear the family apart! Family conflict is nearly inevitable in many family units. Conflict in family can be defined as “disagreement or opposition; clash” (Dictionary. com). When family members disagree on something, it is difficult to make them see eye-to-eye and resolve their conflict. Family conflict can arise in family units when family members have different values or priorities. It may be due to lack of communication, family roles, family structure, family traditions, children, money management and more.

For example, if one family member likes sports while another is uninterested in them family conflict can occur. Another example would be if nobody on the family manages the household budget. If that goes unresolved it can cause fear among family members that their hard-earned money might go missing. This kind of conflict is caused by lack of communication between family members about what they value and how they define importance of certain aspects regarding their life together as a family unit (Minuchin).

Sometimes these conflicts are not resolved because it becomes easier for family members to relinquish family roles and just agree with each other. For family conflict to be resolved, family members must be willing to communicate with each other and find a suitable solution that works for everyone in the family unit (Minuchin). A number of factors can affect family conflict such as: family income level, family roles, family structure and more (Dictionary. com).

These factors can add an element of stress when it comes to family conflict resolution because there is additional pressure coming from outside sources into the unit which causes even more conflict. Every family has their own way of handling conflict among family members. It could be based on their culture or it could stem from previous generations and how they had been taught (or not taught) to deal with family conflict. For example, family members might not address the issue at hand and prefer to avoid it by changing the topic or turning attention away from the family member who is unhappy about how things are done in their home (Minuchin).

This can cause family conflict to fester until there is a blowout which causes family members to lash out at one another. One common solution for family conflict resolution can be found through family communication, but this requires family members engaging with each other positively and without judgment. Asking questions such as “what could we do so you feel more comfortable” instead of questions that start with “why” add an element of positive communication into family relationships (Min).

By having open dialogue among family members, family conflict will be addressed and resolved in a non-threatening way. While family conflict is normal, it shouldn’t be allowed to escalate to violence or abuse among family members. If family conflict is not resolved family members might begin to avoid one another which can cause family structure to fall apart (Dictionary. com). It could also lead family members to neglect family traditions that have been passed down from generation after generation which causes the foundation for the family unit as well as its values to become damaged or broken down.

When this occurs family members might feel even more disconnected from each other than they did before there was any type of conflict within the unit. If left unresolved these issues can create an environment where children are exposed to things such as family violence and family abuse. Family conflict can arise due to family values or priorities getting in the way of family members sharing the same space (Dictionary. com). This type of conflict is not resolved if family members wish to avoid it instead of discussing their feelings with each other and finding a common ground where everyone feels comfortable.

These types of problems can affect family structure, traditions and family roles which could cause the family unit as a whole to fall apart (Dictionary. com). For family conflict resolution to work all family members must engage in dialogue without judgment and be willing to cooperate with one another until there is a solution that works for everyone involved (Minuchin). The factors such as family income level, family roles, family structure and more can affect family conflict resolution because family members are not always willing to communicate with each other.

Asking questions such as “what could we do so you feel more comfortable” instead of questions that start with “why” add an element of positive communication into family relationships (Minuchin). When family conflict is resolved, family members will have a stronger foundation for the family unit as well as its values. Family conflict should never be allowed to escalate to violence or abuse among family members because this can cause family members to neglect family traditions that have been passed down from generation after generation which causes the foundation for the family unit as well as its values to become damaged or broken down.

There are many different family types today, and there is tremendous amounts of family conflicts that a lot of the time end in a family breaking apart. The number one reason for family conflict is miscommunication, wherein most families emotions can run high creating very heated arguments that lead to regrettable things being said between family members which turn into long-term resentment.

Another cause of family conflict is unrealistic expectations from family members. For example, parents may expect their children to fulfill certain roles within the family when they grow up such as becoming a doctor or lawyer even though their child indicated from an early age that this was not the path they were interested in pursuing.

In these situations, it is best to talk openly with each other about these family expectations to ensure that family members are staying true to themselves and their goals while still satisfying the family. If family members show interest in pursuing these family expectations, then there should be no issues; however if family members still express disinterest in fulfilling these family roles, it is best to explore alternative options for them even though they may not fully satisfy the family.

Family conflict can also be caused by a lack of resources within families, where family resources are very limited due to low income or unemployment. In many cases, this causes family stress as family members do not have enough money or resources available to fulfill certain responsibilities such as paying bills, purchasing groceries for dinner every night, etc.

There are many different reasons why a family member would experience a lack of resources, however, family conflict arises when family members are unable to communicate their feelings with each other. If family resources are very slim, family members may want to sit down together and have an open discussion about the family’s current situation so that they can make sure all family members are kept well-informed of what is happening within their family.

This also helps family members understand why certain things are being prioritized over others, for example, if food or rent is not purchased regularly it may be because most of the family income has been allocated towards buying medication for a sick family member. When there is lack of resources in a family, everyone should feel included in decisions that affect them as this builds trust between all involved parties.

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Encyclopedia of Quality of Life and Well-Being Research pp 2164–2167 Cite as

Family Conflicts

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• Sara Alfieri 3  
• Reference work entry

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Family conflict refers to active opposition between family members. Because of the nature of family relationships, it can take a wide variety of forms, including verbal, physical, sexual, financial, or psychological. Conflicts may involve different combinations of family members: it can be conflict within the couple or between parents and children or, again, between siblings.

All interpersonal conflicts, whether they occur between family members, romantic partners, or groups, have certain elements in common. One of the popular definitions of conflict offered by Coser ( 1956 ) asserts that conflict is a “struggle over values and claims to scarce status, power, and resources in which the aims of the opponents are to neutralize, injure or eliminate the rival” (p. 8).

In 1973 , Deutsch maintained that conflict “exists whenever incompatible activities occur… an action which prevents, obstructs, interferes with, injures or in some way makes (resolution) less likely or less...

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Boardman, S. K., & Horowitz, S. V. (1994). Constructive conflict management and social problems: An introduction. Journal of Social Issues, 50 (1), 1–12.

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Bowlby, J. (1982). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment (2nd ed.). New York: Basic Books.

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Marta, E., Alfieri, S. (2014). Family Conflicts. In: Michalos, A.C. (eds) Encyclopedia of Quality of Life and Well-Being Research. Springer, Dordrecht. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-94-007-0753-5_997

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Family Conflict Resolution Tips and Strategies

Sometimes, family issues can be the most complex

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Rachel Goldman, PhD FTOS, is a licensed psychologist, clinical assistant professor, speaker, wellness expert specializing in eating behaviors, stress management, and health behavior change.

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• Defining What You Can Control and What You Can't

The Role of Patterns

Simple changes for better results, what you can do now.

When families get together, we hope for fun times characterized by love and bonding, but we often find that family conflicts occur during these times as well. In fact, in most families, there are longstanding patterns of interaction and roles that people traditionally play within these interactions. When adult children get together with family, they often find themselves slipping back into these patterns, something laughingly referred to as "revertigo."

These interactions can be positive, but when they’re negative, they can bring high amounts of stress to a family gathering. That's where family conflict resolution comes in.

Defining What You Can Control and What You Can't

How often have you had an experience where you knew you were going to see your family and could predict in advance what annoying or frustrating interactions you might have with certain family members, and things went exactly as you’d hoped they wouldn’t? Have you ever wished you had a remote control for humans, complete with pause, rewind and mute buttons?

While you can’t control the actions of others, you can control your response to their actions, which can alter the whole dynamic and create more positive interactions.

In fact, Dr. Kathleen Kelley Reardon, USC Marshall School professor and author of Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation, estimates that 75% of how people treat us is under our control because of this. She advocates taking a different approach if you want to experience new, more positive results with these types of conflicts in the future.

“Communication is like chess where every move one person makes influences the choices of the other,” says Reardon.

A good rule of thumb is to not say what you would normally say in response to any provocation.

"If you let someone go on and on and that leads to anger, link something you have to say to his or her topic and then change to another one," she says.

If you think you’re being blamed for something, instead of getting your back up, try saying, “There’s some truth to that” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way but I see your point.” In other words, tweak what you normally do. Then you won’t just slip into conflict. Above all, don’t be predictable. When we’re predictable, those who want to argue can maneuver us into doing just that.”

This solution is based on the observation that many of our conflicts with people we know well are based on repeated patterns that we unwittingly perpetuate.

We may try to be proactive about responding in a way that will resolve the conflict each time (though let's face it, many of us are more focused on “winning” the argument rather than on dissolving or resolving the conflict, and there’s often a difference). This response could actually serve to keep things going the way they have in the past, which may not be what we want.

“All families and most friends bring with them emotional baggage from the past,” explains Reardon. “In Comebacks at Work we describe how this leads to URPS (unwanted repetitive episodes) in conversation. Most of us slip into these dysfunctional and stressful patterns without even noticing because we’ve been in them so many times before.

Some of the common URPS involve sibling rivalry issues, patterns with parents that have never gone away, political issues even in families where everyone identifies with the same political party, and who is more right about topics that aren’t really important.

According to Reardon, the key to getting out of these URPS situations is to recognize “choice points” in a conversation, or points in the discourse where you can alter the tone and direction that the exchange takes, by altering your own responses. She gives the following scenario as an example:

Alan: That’s a stupid idea. Eleanor: What makes you a genius? Alan: I’m not a genius but I know when something is ridiculous. Eleanor: You’re ridiculous.

“After Alan said, “That’s a stupid idea,” Eleanor was at a choice point, explains Reardon. “She reacted in the way many people would. But, she could have altered this conversation.” Here’s how that might look:

Alan: “That’s a stupid idea.” Eleanor: “At first, I thought so too. But hear me out.”

Or Eleanor might have said: “New ideas tend to sound stupid, but you’ll see in a minute why this one isn’t.”

“Instead of reacting to Alan with an attack, she chose to bypass that option,” Reardon points out. “Instead, she allowed that he may have a point but he’ll think differently when she finishes speaking.

“This is responding rather than reacting,” she says. “It gives the other person a chance to rethink whether he or she wants to argue. It’s a gift of sorts to be accepted or not – the other person’s choice point. Most people respond to such generosity in conversation with returned generosity.”

If you're anticipating conflict the next time you get together with certain people, you may want to think about things ahead of time and identify patterns you've experienced before, think about potential choice points, and consider alternative responses you may choose.

Try to come up with a few tactics for each scenario, and think about what would feel right for you.

Rather than getting caught up in the usual conflict and hurt feelings, try to imagine what tone you'd like the conversation to take, and see if you can lead the interaction in that direction with your own responses at pivotal choice points.

You may be surprised at how quickly things can change.

Learning better conflict resolution skills , knowing what to avoid in a conflict, and how to cool off when upset can also help immensely. And when all else fails, extra-strong listening skills have helped de-escalate many a conflict.

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

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Crafting gobs of Family Conflict papers is an inherent part of modern studying, be it in high-school, college, or university. If you can do that all by yourself, that's just awesome; yet, other students might not be that savvy, as Family Conflict writing can be quite laborious. The database of free sample Family Conflict papers presented below was set up in order to help flunker learners rise up to the challenge.

On the one hand, Family Conflict essays we showcase here distinctly demonstrate how a really exceptional academic paper should be developed. On the other hand, upon your demand and for a fair price, a competent essay helper with the relevant academic experience can put together a top-notch paper model on Family Conflict from scratch.

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ENTER TITLE/TYPE OF YOUR REPORT [OPTIONAL] DSM-5 Case Number: F 32.1 MDD single episode. Moderate

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“Psychologist”: YOUR NAME (STUDENT NUMBER) Referral Ms. Smith is an African American homemaker; she referred to the therapist because of inability to cope with the feelings of hopelessness, weakness, and sadness preventing her from lading a normal life and handling family and home issues. She needed someone to discuss that with, and was also recommended to find professional mental health assistance by her husband.

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Family Conflict and Effective Communication

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Effective communication issues, resolving the conflict, recommendations, works cited.

• Stinson, Morgan A., et al. "Marital Satisfaction, Conflict Resolution Styles, and Religious Attendance among Latino Couples: Using the Actor–Partner Interdependence Model." The Family Journal 25.3 (2017): 215-223.

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Counseling for Family Conflicts Resolution Essay

All people are different, meaning that conflicts are inevitable, even when it comes to members of the same family. Misunderstanding between spouses and between parents and children is common, and this state of affairs denotes that many individuals suffer from this issue. Family Life Education Institute addresses this situation and provides people with needed support and assistance. It is possible to suggest that family counseling is a suitable intervention to provide people with a better understanding of why conflicts occur and how they should be managed. That is why it is reasonable to conduct a specific research project to determine whether it is justified to develop and implement such an intervention. Consequently, the purpose of the given paper is to highlight a research process needed to identify whether family counseling can help address the problem under analysis.

Introduction and Background

Statement of the problem.

The given proposal focuses on a significant problem referring to family conflicts. For the purposes of this project, it is rational to present the definition of this term. Thus, a family conflict is a misunderstanding or argument between spouses or between parents and children regarding a number of affairs, including social, economic, political, behavioral, and other issues. A characteristic issue of this problem is that it typically results in worsened relationships within families because conflicts can involve insulting language and even aggressive actions. This problem statement reveals that the phenomenon under consideration deserves attention because it can lead to significant adverse consequences for numerous individuals. One should admit separately that the suggested definition does not imply to be comprehensive or overwhelming because the task only was to define the term used in a research paper.

Significance of the Problem

One can suppose that it is impossible to overestimate the significance of the selected problem. It is challenging to find official statistics showing how widespread family conflicts are because not many people want to disclose such details of their personal lives. In addition to that, it is challenging to find a reliable and credible instrument that would allow for collecting this data. Furthermore, family conflicts are not considered extremely negative on their own, meaning that their potential consequences receive all attention. On the one hand, the problem adversely impacts children, and specific outcomes include substance abuse, delinquency, and an increased opportunity to involve in family conflicts in the future (Mowen & Boman, 2018). Children and teenagers can face numerous challenges when they often participate in family conflicts. On the other hand, the issue is negative for adults, and Jones et al. (2021) comment on stress, while Sinko et al. (2021) mention that the outcomes are parental substance abuse, violence at home, and others. This information demonstrates that sufficient evidence justifies focusing on the identified problem.

Populations Served

The problem under analysis is significant for many people because it affects individuals of all genders, ages, professions, religions, and nationalities. According to official statistics, there are more than 83.8 million families in the United States (Statista, 2021). Since an average size of a family in the US is three persons, one can calculate that 251.4 million individuals represent the family population (Statista, 2021). According to this data, it is possible to state that families account for more than three-quarters of the US total population. That is why it is challenging to overestimate the significance of the project for the community. A higher portion of society can find the research paper relevant and even helpful for them because they can learn how to address family conflicts and mitigate their adverse consequences.

Proposed Solution

Since the identified problem is significant for the entire community, it is necessary to offer a practical solution. Family counseling seems a suitable approach because this strategy can result in essential benefits. According to Sari et al. (2021), this intervention “is a method designed and focused on family problems in an effort to help solve the client’s personal problems” (p. 38). In other words, a counselor believes that individual problems affect the dynamics within a family, meaning that all the members should join their efforts to overcome existing problems (Sari et al., 2021). Consequently, the proposed solution seems appropriate for the problem under analysis because all family members can suffer from conflicts, and their combined efforts are needed to improve the situation.

Research Questions

The given research proposal focuses on a tentative topic, meaning that specific research questions are needed to indicate the direction of the scientific process. The first question is: To what extent does family counseling reduce the incidence of family conflict? Thus, it is necessary to determine the effectiveness of the selected intervention in addressing the problem. The second question is: Does family counseling result in the reduced presence of negative conflict consequences as per the respondents’ self-reports? Another effort is to determine whether the intervention minimizes the effects of conflicts’ negative consequences.

Methodology

Conceptual framework.

According to the research questions above, the given proposal aims to assess the effectiveness and potential benefits of family counseling. This intervention is an independent variable in the project, meaning that it will be necessary to consider how it affects respondents. Then, the dependent variables are family conflicts and their adverse outcomes. Family conflicts are considered in the project, and it is expected that the intervention will lead to a decreased incidence of the given phenomenon. As for negative consequences, including stress, substance abuse, and others, one can also suppose that the suggested intervention should reduce the presence of these phenomena among respondents. Consequently, the conceptual framework reveals that the research project is expected to demonstrate that family counseling (independent variable) results in a decrease in family conflicts and their adverse outcomes (dependent variables).

It is necessary to choose the appropriate methodology to ensure that the research questions can be answered and that the obtained outcomes are reliable and credible. It seems that the quantitative method should be used in this research study. According to Rahman (2020), quantitative methodology “emphasizes quantification in the collection and analysis of data” (p. 105). The scholar also admits that this approach is effective in answering questions starting with “To what extent.”

It is also reasonable to consider that the given method was chosen because it implies specific advantages. Firstly, data analysis is less time-consuming in quantitative methodology because it is only necessary to find specific sets of data, meaning that one does not need to analyze large texts, which can be required in qualitative methodology. Secondly, the selected approach is “based on the positivist paradigm of measuring variables” (Rahman, 2020, p. 106). However, the given methodology also has certain disadvantages, and one of them refers to the fact that this approach fails to explain the nature of connections between variables and find deeper meanings (Rahman, 2020). With this in mind, the selected method seems suitable to investigate the problem under analysis.

After methodology, one should select the suitable design to investigate the issue under analysis. Since it is necessary to identify whether the selected intervention impacts the incidence of a dependent variable over a certain period of time, a pretest-posttest design is suitable. This approach involves measuring a specific phenomenon before an intervention has been implemented and after it (Chen et al., 2021). Since the first research question aims to determine the extent to which a change in one variable affects the other one, it is reasonable to implement a correlational study. According to Leedy and Ormrod (2019), this design focuses on such possible connections and states that a correlation exists “if, when one variable increases, another variable either increases or decreases in a somewhat predictable fashion” (p. 176). That is why the selected approach seems appropriate for the current study.

In addition to that, it is necessary to admit that the suggested design implies a few additional peculiarities. Firstly, the research paper only relies on participants’ self-reports to collect data, and a specifically tailored questionnaire seems appropriate for this task. This tool was chosen because it is impossible to find other more objective instruments to measure the presence of family conflicts. Secondly, the current study does not imply a control group. This statement denotes that the same individuals participate in pretest measurement, are subject to the intervention, and involve the object of posttest analysis. That is why it is impossible to mention that the study is a true experiment. Consequently, it is now possible to present the complete articulation of the design used. Thus, the research is a pretest-posttest, correlational study relying on the participants’ self-reports and implying no control group.

The given section is used to demonstrate that the selected methodology and design are perfectly suitable for the given research. On the one hand, it is possible to support this statement by showing that other methodological approaches do not allow for meeting the research purpose. The qualitative methodology cannot help answer the research questions because they involve the quantification of some data. However, the qualitative method is used to investigate phenomena or generate new ideas regarding a specific concept. A true experimental design is not necessary for the research paper because there is no need to introduce a control group (Leedy & Ormrod, 2019). Finally, systematic reviews and meta-analyses are not helpful because they completely rely on other scholars’ evidence, while the present study aims to collect new data to test the research questions.

On the other hand, the rationale behind choosing the given methodological approach can be traced from looking at other studies that utilized the same approach to test the effect of particular interventions. For example, Farahanifar et al. (2019) conducted a pretest-posttest study and found that systematic motivational counseling was an efficient intervention to improve conflict resolution strategies. In addition to that, a correlational study by Cerrato and Cifre (2018) demonstrated that the selected design could be used to assess the effect of different conflict situations on families. That is why this evidence reveals that other scholars frequently use the selected methodological approaches to investigate the same or related phenomena.

Planning Strategy

A planning strategy is an essential element of methodology because it reveals what processes and in what sequence should be performed to conduct the study and arrive at reliable outcomes. The present research proposal relies on rational planning because this strategy seems the most suitable. This planning approach steps include “assessing needs, identifying and analyzing problems, selecting intervention strategies, writing goals and objectives, decision-making about the details of program design, and evaluation” (Netting et al., 2008, p. 113). These steps should be performed in a fixed order because each activity builds on the previous ones. It is worth admitting that the given research proposal has already completed some of these steps. For example, the need or the gap has been found, and the absence of literature about how family counseling can manage the problem of interfamily conflicts should be addressed. In addition to that, the identified problem demonstrated that a response was necessary, and the literature review chose counseling as a potential intervention. These examples reveal that rational planning is an appropriate strategy for the given research proposal.

Ethical Considerations and Concerns

Since the project involves working with human subjects, it is necessary to ensure that relevant ethical issues are adequately addressed. On the one hand, participants should sign an informed consent form. This document is used as an indicator that the individuals agree to participate in the research project and are aware of the research process, possible consequences, and risks (Gefenas et al., 2022). It is reasonable to make the recruited individuals sign these documents and store them as proof that the participants were informed about the research activities. On the other hand, these individuals should reflect that they are voluntarily involved in the project. For this purpose, they are asked to complete informed consent forms.

In addition to that, one should clarify that some ethical concerns can affect the proposed research. Firstly, the work with sensitive information about interfamily conflicts demonstrates that adequate attention should be drawn to ensuring privacy and confidentiality. Participants should be certain that their personal details will not become known to the general public. Secondly, research authors should ensure that their recruiting strategy does not imply any discriminatory practices. For example, a higher number of minorities in the sample size can place a stigma on these populations. This information indicates what ethical issues and considerations are significant for the proposed project.

Management Plan

Proposed timeline.

The project implies pretest and posttest measurements, with the intervention being implemented in between. That is why it is rational to comment on an expected timeline of the project. The sample size selection and recruitment is the first step, and one week seems sufficient to cope with the task. Once the required number of individuals is reached, the participants should participate in a pretest measurement. Two-three days will be needed to organize the test and analyze the results. After that, the involved people should be subject to the proposed intervention. It seems that a suitable option is to make the participants attend family counseling sessions over a 4-week period. Posttest measurement is the following step, and 2-3 days seem sufficient to perform it. The final process in the project will imply summarizing the findings and creating a formal report. Approximately one week will be needed to complete this task. This information demonstrates that it will take about seven weeks for the research authors to conduct the project.

Feasibility

At this point, one should comment on whether it is feasible to conduct the proposed research project. For this purpose, it is necessary to look at the cost-and-benefit analysis. It is worth admitting that the project implies many strengths and advantages that deserve attention. The proposed research addresses a topical issue because family conflicts are widespread and have adverse consequences for numerous individuals. That is why it is scientifically justified to make the study that aims to assess the effectiveness of a specific intervention to mitigate the problem. This information demonstrates that the project is going to present useful information for the area of social work because practitioners can understand the impact of using family counseling in conflict management.

Simultaneously, it is not impossible to mention that the research requires many resources. There is no need to deal with paid software programs or information that implies any fees to be accessed. Furthermore, it is not necessary to involve many specialists in the proposed project. The research author will recruit the participants, conduct the literature review, conduct all the necessary measurements and calculations, as well as create the final project. In addition to that, it is necessary to find and recruit a social worker who will lead family counseling sessions with the participants. Thus, the cost-and-benefit analysis reveals that the project is feasible because its potential advantages outweigh the costs.

Anticipated Challenges

This section comments on what difficulties can affect the project and its implementation. Firstly, it is quite possible that not many individuals will be willing to participate in the project because it means that they will need to disclose their personal problems. That is why the invitation to participate in the project should include a detailed description that the project guarantees confidentiality and that its results can help solve the problem. Secondly, the design implies that participants’ self-reports are a principal data collection tool. This information denotes that the results may not be accurate if some participants want to embellish their answers for this or that reason. It is reasonable to acknowledge this fact while interpreting the obtained results. Finally, it can be challenging to ensure that the recruited individuals participate in all the family counseling sessions. Low attendance rates can make it challenging to assess the effectiveness of the intervention under consideration.

The given paper has presented a research proposal to investigate the issue of family conflicts. These occurrences are common between spouses and between parents and children. In the United States, more than 250 million people represent the family population, meaning that the problem is topical for the entire nation. That is why this state of affairs needs a response, and family counseling seems a suitable option. The proposed research suggests conducting a quantitative, pretest-posttest, correlational study relying on the participants’ self-reports. This design involves a few ethical issues, including informed consent, voluntary participation, and confidentiality, and the research proposal has demonstrated how they can be addressed. It will take approximately seven weeks to complete the project, and the cost-and-benefit analysis has demonstrated that it is feasible. A few challenges can adversely affect the research and its implementation, but specific actions have been discussed to understand how this negative effect can be minimized. In conclusion, the research proposal demonstrates how and why this study should be conducted.

Cerrato, J., & Cifre, E. (2018) . Gender inequality in household chores and work-family conflict . Frontiers in Psychology, 9 , 1330.

Chen, C. A., Hsieh, C. W., & Chen, D. Y. (2021). Can training enhance public employees’ public service motivation? A pretest–posttest design. Review of Public Personnel Administration, 41 (1), 194-215.

Farahanifar, M., Heidari, H., Davodi, H., & Aleyasin, S. A. (2019). Comparison of effectiveness of systematic motivational counseling and acceptance and commitment therapy on conflict resolution styles of incompatible marital woman. Journal of Research in Behavioral Sciences, 17 (1), 44-55.

Gefenas, E., Lekstutiene, J., Lukaseviciene, V., Hartlev, M., Mourby, M., & Cathaoir, K. Ó. (2022). Controversies between regulations of research ethics and protection of personal data: informed consent at a cross-road. Medicine, Health Care and Philosophy, 25 (1), 23-30.

Jones, J. H., Call, T. A., Wolford, S. N., & McWey, L. M. (2021). Parental stress and child outcomes: The mediating role of family conflict. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 30 (3), 746-756.

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Mowen, T. J., & Boman, J. H. (2018). A developmental perspective on reentry: Understanding the causes and consequences of family conflict and peer delinquency during adolescence and emerging adulthood. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 47( 2), 275-289.

Netting, F. E., O’Conner, M. K., & Fauri, D. P. (2008). Comparative approaches to program planning . Wiley.

Rahman, M. S. (2020). The advantages and disadvantages of using qualitative and quantitative approaches and methods in language “testing and assessment” research: A literature review. Journal of Education and Learning, 6 (1), 102-112.

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Sinko, L., He, Y., Kishton, R., Ortiz, R., Jacobs, L., & Fingerman, M. (2021). “The stay at home order is causing things to get heated up”: Family conflict dynamics during COVID-19 from the perspectives of youth calling a national child abuse hotline. Journal of Family Violence, 1-10.

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IvyPanda. (2023, August 20). Counseling for Family Conflicts Resolution. https://ivypanda.com/essays/counseling-for-family-conflicts-resolution/

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Family Conflict Examples (Plus Stress-Free Ways to Deal)

As a fomer educator and mom blogger who's a mother of four, Kristin shares helpful tips and advice on a variety of topics.

Learn about our Editorial Policy .

No matter how tight-knit a family is, at some point in their lives, they will encounter family conflict. Conflict within families can arise at any time and be the result of just about anything. The key to overcoming family conflict is knowing how to best resolve it and move forward.

What Is Family Conflict?

Family conflict is defined by an active opposition between family members. The opposition can be over nearly anything and can involve any combination of related individuals. Conflicts are often presented as disagreements between people regarding areas of topic that both parties feel strongly about. In regard to families, there are four primary causes or sources of conflict.

• Sibling rivalry
• Disagreements over financials and occupations
• Conflict regarding extended family and in-law relationships
• Child-rearing or discipline techniques, measures, and principals
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Types of Family Conflict Resolution Categories

When family conflict arises in a family, it is handled and resolved in one of three primary ways.

Conflict-Avoidant

Conflict-avoidant-prone families will normally be presented with a conflict and then act as if nothing is happening. They are masters at sticking their heads in the sand and avoid getting to the root of the issue. They might act as if the problems don't exist, but that doesn't mean that anger, sadness, and resentment aren't brewing underneath the surface. Without any resolution, family members sometimes choose to remove themselves from the family altogether, because it feels easier to do that than to handle the conflict head-on.

Collaborative

Families with a collaborative approach to resolving conflict will talk issues out, allow their emotions to surface, and discuss the things that are bothering them. These families value communication , have higher rates of children with solid interpersonal skills, healthier marriages .

Families who take conflict on in an aggressive manner tend to attack each other either verbally or physically as a primary means of handling disagreements. Living situations that involve aggression can be stressful for everyone. Families that adopt this conflict resolution approach would benefit from positive conflict resolution strategies in order to work out differences more effectively.

Examples of and Resolutions for Common Conflicts in Families

Conflict has a wide range of intensity and variation types. No matter how uncomfortable a conflict within a family might feel, the vast majority of disagreements are common and fixable. They can be resolved with the correct steps and approach.

Your Sibling "One-Ups" You

You have dreaded coming together for Christmas for months because you knew this was going to happen. It has happened for as long as you can remember. Everything you share and celebrate, from a job promotion to your child's A in math, gets "one-upped" by your sibling. It's frustrating. It makes you angry, hurt and constantly ready to lash out.

Resolution Strategies

First, recognize that sibling rivalry often stems from jealousy or feelings of inferiority. His behavior feels undermining, but know that this has more to do with his own feelings of self-worth than it does your accomplishments. When the one-upping begins, try to recognize his great achievements as well. Be the first one to congratulate him on something. Pair your news with a nice comment about something that will validate him as well. Model positive behavior for him in what you say and what you do.

Disagreement Over Money

You and your spouse can not see eye to eye on spending and saving. You want to save more and he likes to spend it. Every time you start to discuss money, the conservation ends in yelling and both of you storming out of a room.

Set the stage. Pick a time of day to discuss the issue that doesn't tend to trigger you both. (Agree on a space and time to converse and avoid high-stress times in the family.) Avoid laying blame. When you want to express concern or thought, use an "I feel" statement rather than a "you" statement. Allow for each party to speak their peace. Actively listen to what your partner has to say, rather than think up comebacks during his share session. Know that in situations regarding money, it is likely that both of you will have to compromise a little.

War With Your Mother-in-Law

You want to have a low-key first birthday party for your baby, only including a few family members and close friends, but she wants to celebrate the day in the biggest and showiest way possible. It's a stand-off and neither of you seems to want to budge.

A bit of budging is ultimately what you will both have to do. First, consider her feelings. Why does she need a big event? Are there feelings going on with her that you might have not considered? Perhaps you jumped to conclusions and assumed that she wanted the day to be all about her. Ask her why it is important to have a big party. Consider giving her part of what she wants. In the case of in-law conflict, a bit of compromise can go a long way. She might not get her 50-person invite list, but maybe a few of her close friends could attend the party and soothe her needs.

When working out the issue, keep a united front with your spouse and don't budge on any hard lines in the sand. Compromise isn't the same thing as relinquishing all desires. In-laws should be included in much of the child-rearing, but you are the parent and your thoughts and opinions do come first.

Disagreement Over Child-Rearing

You and your husband were raised differently, so you will probably have at least some different opinions on how to raise your child. You want to send her to a private school, but he is adamant that public school is the way to go. The disagreement is making your life together unbearable, and the conflict is pouring into other aspects of family life.

Don't ignore the elephant in the room. You have to deal with this head-on. Make time for each of you to state your case. Try making a pro and con list and attempt to remain non-biased in doing so. Hear what he is saying. Maybe there are some true pros to his perspective. Make sure to validate his thoughts, you are equal partners in the parenting game. Use language like, "I head what you are saying," and, "Your point is a good point." If you can not come to a decision in a single evening, table the discussion temporarily. Decide on a time and date in the future to revisit your conflict and see if things shift after the initial discussion.

Code Red Conflicts

While most familial conflicts are common and strike at one point or another, some family conflicts deserve more attention and assistance than the status quo. Knowing when something is entirely out of your control is a powerful tool in itself. These "code red" conflicts generally require the help of someone outside of the family that has special capabilities, such as a mediator, counselor, or mental health professional.

When to Seek Help

If a family member is exhibiting any of the following symptoms or behaviors, seek professional help. While many types of conflict can be resolved with the tools that you already have, some issues are best left to the professionals who are trained to handle them.

• Loss of sleep
• Consistently poor performance at school or at work
• Sudden marked impairment with typical social functioning
• Excessive sadness or anger
• Exhibits physical violence
• Expression of wishing violence upon themselves

Conflict Doesn't Mean Doomed

Yes, some types of conflict can definitely warrant serious intervention strategies, but most family conflict is something that will pop up and pass if handled correctly. No family is perfect, and every single one has their squabbles and battles. Know that your family conflict does not mean that something is wrong with you or yours or that your family is doomed. Having conflict and working through it effectively is a sign of strength, intelligence, and devotion.

Family Conflict Resolution: 6 Worksheets & Scenarios (+ PDF)

It is perhaps unrealistic to expect that relationships remain harmonious all the time; occasional disconnections and disagreements are a fact of life that can help a family grow and move forward, accommodating change (Divecha, 2020).

Repeating patterns of conflict, however, can be damaging for family members, especially children, negatively affecting mental and physical wellbeing (Sori, Hecker, & Bachenberg, 2016).

This article explores how to resolve conflict in family relationships and introduces strategies and activities that can help.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free . These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

This Article Contains:

How to resolve conflict in family relationships, 2 examples of conflict scenarios, 3 strategies for family counseling sessions, 6 activities and worksheets to try, a note on conflict resolution for kids, 3 best games and activities for kids, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

“Families typically develop certain basic structural characteristics and interactive patterns that they utilize to respond to internal and external stressors.”

Goldenberg, 2017, p. 4

Built on shared assumptions and narratives that exist within the family structure, family members support the group as it adapts and copes with shifting environments and life events.

Such structures, at times, may support and even promote conflict that occurs within families. Indeed, rifts, clashes, and disagreements within the family can take many forms, including physical, verbal, financial, psychological, and sexual (Marta & Alfieri, 2014).

Therapy has the potential to help a family understand how it organizes itself and maintains cohesion, while improving how it communicates and overcomes problems that lead to conflict (Goldenberg, 2017).

As psychologist Rick Hanson writes, “a bid for repair is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that humans offer to each other” (cited in Divecha, 2020).

Crucially, families can learn to navigate the inevitable tension and disconnection that arise from falling out of sync with one another (Divecha, 2020).

Repairing ruptures resulting from miscommunication, mismatches, and failing to attune to one another is vital for parenting and maintaining family union. But how?

While there are many ways to recover from and resolve conflict, the following four steps are invaluable for authentic repair (modified from Divecha, 2020):

• Acknowledge the offense Try to identify and understand the hurt you’ve caused. Whether intended and with apparent good reason or not, this is a valuable opportunity to dial down your defenses and focus on how the other person is feeling.

Acknowledging the hurt without adding caveats is a powerful way to show humanity.

It can help to check your understanding, “Did I upset you? Help me understand how.” Your approach must be open and authentic; unless heartfelt, it risks escalating emotions.

• Express remorse Sometimes, simply saying, “I’m sorry,” is enough, or at least an excellent place to start.

Take care though. Adding a comment, such as, “Well, you shouldn’t have done X,” weakens your expression of remorse, especially when dealing with children. They are learning from what you do – right and wrong.

Also, don’t go overboard. Being too quick to say sorry or going over the top with an apology can make it more about yourself than the person hurt.

• Offer a simple explanation If the other person is ready to listen (neither too upset nor too angry), a brief explanation can clarify the thinking behind your actions.

Remember to focus on the other person’s experience rather than a litany of excuses for poor behavior. And avoid using this as an opportunity to add grievances or assign blame for issues that have arisen recently.

• Learn and practice expressing your intentions to fix the situation and stop it from happening again. Be sincere. Say that you are sorry and mean it.

There is little point in apologizing and recovering from conflict if you intend to repeat the behavior.

Conflict is often avoidable. But if it isn’t, then it is possible to recover and maintain family relationships through authentic activities that repair damage (Divecha, 2020).

Family therapy can help resolve conflicts within the family unit through multiple routes, including:

• Exploring various relationships that make up the family.
• Bringing couples and families together to resolve interpersonal conflicts rather than treating them separately.
• Focusing on interventions with entire families rather than individuals.
• Establishing the role of dysfunctional families in individual mental health problems.

Family conflict can appear in all shapes and sizes. While minor disagreements between siblings may be resolved quickly, major rifts can form between child and parent, damaging previously strong bonds.

All relationships within a family can at one time or another descend into conflict. Two such examples include (modified from Goldenberg, 2017):

• Conflict over money Bob and Tess are married with two children. In therapy, Tess claims that Bob is mean with his money: checking grocery bills and yelling at the cost of their children’s birthday presents. Along with other relationship issues, conflict had led them to sleep in separate rooms.

Bob argues he works hard for his money and gives her a generous amount each month, but Tess spends beyond their means.

During therapy, it became clear that Bob comes from a working-class family and was taught from an early age to live frugally. His long-standing beliefs underpin (but do not excuse) his outbursts.

In time, therapy helps them become more supportive of one another, giving up their underlying power struggles and successfully moving away from stereotypical gender roles.

• Cultural and intergenerational conflict Despite Indira and Sanjay Singh moving to the United States while they were still at preschool age, they have retained the cultural and moral values of their place of birth: India. When their two children were born, they were also taught to be compliant and respect their parents, while friends from school were discouraged.

As the children grew older, it became clear that the conflict between the old and new culture was causing a rift, dividing children and parents. Despite reluctance from the parents, in time, all four attended family therapy and began to deal with cultural differences and expectations arising from multiculturalism.

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Conflict in family situations can be “chronic and unresolved,” cycling through “periods of emotional distance and closeness with intense negative feelings” (Metcalf, 2011, p. 45).

In family therapy, the many theories offer different lenses through which to view the world and, most importantly, help families manage and resolve conflict (Metcalf, 2011).

The following strategies can help protect the family from or cope with conflict in its many forms.

Build an environment of connection and understanding

Divecha (2020) suggests that by building an environment of connection and understanding, you can “create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed.”

Encourage clients to make small but vital changes to the family setting (modified from Divecha, 2020):

• Watch out for the easily missed signs that indicate a child, young adult, or partner wishes to find a way to reconnect and recover from conflict.
• Normalize requests, such as, “I need a repair” and “Can we have a redo?” that tell us a family member is ready to fix a damaged relationship.
• Maintain awareness. If we think we may have caused upset or harm, circle back and check in with the other person.

Building a better environment through frequent repairs can catch problems early and reduce the likelihood of escalation.

Use “I” statements

How we say something can have a significant impact on what others hear. Encourage family members to express how they feel without blaming others, such as (modified from Goldenberg, 2017):

“I am hurt by what you said last night” rather than accusations, such as, “You were out of order last night.”

Speak directly to the therapist

There may be times during a therapy session when tension between family members heightens and the emotional intensity needs to be de-escalated (Goldenberg, 2017).

A helpful communication technique is to ask the family member talking to address the therapist directly. This refocus encourages the speaker to express themselves more calmly and allows the other person time and space to listen and respond under less pressure.

The following activities focus on exploring family structures, beliefs, and problem-solving behavior to avoid or resolve conflict within the group.

Recognizing Family Narratives

Family narratives provide support for coping with upsetting events and recovering from conflict (Goldenberg, 2017).

Use the Recognizing Family Narratives worksheet to identify narratives that explain and justify the structure and interactive patterns that exist within the family.

The constructs we form can enable or inhibit how we cope with conflict and other life events within the family (Goldenberg, 2017).

Parenting With Purpose

Parenting can be difficult; it is easy to lose sight of what is important. Defining meaning and purpose for ourselves as parents and our children can offer a valuable compass for day-to-day decision-making (Hart, 2006).

The Parenting With Purpose worksheet is a helpful reminder of your values and purpose as a parent.

The answers to the questions can help you understand what kind of relationship you would like with your children and why.

What Is Working Within the Family?

While it is essential to identify and fix what is causing conflict within a family, it is equally valuable to recognize what is working.

Once we recognize where we are successful in a relationship, it can remind us that not everything is terrible. We are doing some things right, and we have something upon which we can build.

The What Is Working worksheet helps identify and share the positives in the relationships within the family.

Recognize that conflict doesn’t occur in the family all the time and encourage the activities that unite you as a group.

Meeting Our Family’s Needs

Sura Hart (2006, p. 175), former teacher and education project director for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, says that “you can find conflict in every human story, and in the conflict situation you can find the needs people are wanting to meet.”

Use the Meeting Our Family’s Needs worksheet to help each family member have their needs heard, understood, and, ultimately, accepted.

Consider Your Intentions

Words have the power to share love and anger. Without clear and conscious intention, it is possible to communicate unhelpful and even harmful messages (Hart, 2006).

Use the Consider Your Intentions worksheet to identify and understand your intentions and help you respect and care for other family members’ needs.

Perform an early check on your intentions before you engage with the other family member, especially if it has the potential to turn into conflict.

Using the answers, consider how you can show positive intentions and steer clear of harmful intentions, such as proving yourself right.

Seeing Family Conflict as a Problem to Solve

Conflict isn’t always to be avoided; clashes can be productive, stimulating learning, fostering understanding, and moving a relationship forward (Hart, 2006).

However, some conflict is unnecessary and avoidable, especially regarding daily tasks, such as tidying the house, going to bed, and completing chores.

Use the Seeing Family Conflict as a Problem to Solve worksheet to help recognize everyday actions as problems to overcome rather than points of contention.

14 Effective conflict resolution techniques – BRAINY DOSE

“Life is a series of mismatches, miscommunications, and misattunements that are quickly repaired” says family researcher Ed Tronick (cited in Divecha, 2020).

Children can learn from the family environment that conflict need not be out of proportion to the situation and may, ultimately, lead to positive change.

It helps when family relationships are overwhelmingly positive. Make sure to make “special time” available for each child, where they have control over what you do and for how long, writes Divecha (2020). Learn to show gratitude and appreciation for what the child does more readily without it becoming predictable and unthinking.

Board games such as Monopoly, Checkers, and Life can be played as a pair or a family. The children see that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from their parents’ reaction to losing.

More physical, active games such as Tag or Hide and Seek allow the whole family to have fun, while, importantly, seeing each other having fun. Children need to experience their parents as humans with a wish to enjoy themselves. Parents benefit from experiencing their family laughing – a reminder that life is not all about duty and rules.

Quieter pastimes, including art and craft, can be a time to build and use mindfulness practices, considering colors, textures, and smells. Interactive activities such as making funny characters out of play dough or houses out of Lego is fun and beyond rules or feelings of failure.

17 Exercises To Develop Positive Communication

17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDF] to develop help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Family conflict can often be avoided. The following resources help individuals gain a greater understanding of other family members’ needs and feelings.

• Mind the Gap Identify and share the values you would like to exist within your family, such as love, trust, compassion, and teamwork.
• Conflict at School Conflict outside the home can have an impact inside. Help your children to reflect on the relationships they have at school.

Additional reading and resources include:

• Conflict Resolution in Relationships and Couples: 5 Strategies For more ideas on how to resolve conflict in other types of relationships, read our conflict resolution in relationships article.
• 14 Conflict Resolution Strategies & Techniques for the Workplace This article about conflict resolution in the workplace is a helpful additional read, especially where the lines between family and work is blurred – working in the family business, working from home – these all can cause conflict so be sure to have a look at this article too.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, check out this collection of 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

It is vital that families learn to survive – and even grow – under adverse conditions. The family unit faces daily challenges from outside and conflict from within that can upset the internal stability that rests upon existing narratives, shared beliefs, and sometimes mistaken assumptions (Goldenberg, 2017).

It can become less about preventing all conflict, which is impossible, and more about creating a family environment that reduces unnecessary friction, repairs rifts and misunderstandings, grows, and moves forward.

Our communication – what we say and how we say it – remains crucial and can improve over time with practice and an improved awareness of one another’s needs. Family members can also learn skills and techniques to improve self-regulation, resilience, and coping that strengthen internal structures.

This article introduces tools and worksheets that help remove avoidable conflict and manage and resolve it within the family unit, where disagreement is inevitable. Try them out with your clients or within your own family to improve engagement, strengthen relationships, and build a more supportive and resilient family structure.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

• American Psychological Association. (2011). Family interventions. Retrieved October 6, 2021, from https://www.apa.org/pi/about/publications/caregivers/practice-settings/intervention/family
• Divecha, D. (2020, October 27). Family conflict is normal; it’s the repair that matter s. Greater Good. Retrieved October 4, 2021, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/family_conflict_is_normal_its_the_repair_that_matters
• Goldenberg, I. (2017). Family therapy: An overview . Cengage Learning.
• Hart, S. (2006). Respectful parents, respectful kids: 7 Keys to turn family conflict into co-operation . PuddleDancer Press.
• Marta, E., & Alfieri, S. (2014). Family conflicts. In A. C. Michalos (Ed.), Encyclopedia of quality of life and well-being research . Springer.
• Metcalf, L. (2011). Marriage and family therapy: A practice-oriented approach . Springer.
• Sori, C. F., Hecker, L., & Bachenberg, M. E. (2016). The therapist’s notebook for children and adolescents: Homework, handouts, and activities for use in psychotherapy . Routledge/Taylor & Francis.

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Mastering The Art Of Writing A Great Conflict Essay

Table of Contents

… But how to write a conflict essay?

This task can become a real stone of stumbling for many students, especially when they write admissions essays.

The practice shows that students tend to describe conflicts in the one-dimensional narrative, where one side of the conflict is depicted as a knight in shining armor and the other side is a complete villain.

Of course, it is the simplest way to manage conflicts (as anyone sees clearly, who is right), however, this approach highlight the inability to give an unbiased assessment of both sides of the conflict.

Here we will cover the essentials of writing such essays and how to avoid the most common mistakes in the conflict papers.

Studying the basics of the conflict essay

What is conflict, and what are its causes? Is it possible to avoid it, and how to solve it? Who are the participants, and is there a possibility for them to have a peaceful order? Here are the main points that should be covered in your text.

But what are you going to write about?

Different vocabularies give so many different definitions of this term that it is so easy to be bamboozled by all these meanings.

• A war of a fight.
• A mental struggle.
• An opposition of persons or forces.
• Anything that sets the character back from achieving a specific goal (in fiction).

That is why it is crucial to read and understand the task before you start writing.

Writing guideline for the essays about conflict

Your journey to the perfect paper should start with the proper investigation:

• What is the type of conflict you are writing about?
• What are its reasons?
• What are the consequences?
• How to solve it?

Taking into consideration all mentioned above, it becomes clear that the disagreement between two people does not limit the type of conflict. It also may cover a conflict between a man and society or nature, or even a fight against self.

And do not forget about the key players: the protagonist and antagonist of the conflict.

As soon as you have defined the central conflicts and leading players, it is time to gather facts that prove this point of view. Arm yourself with a pen and start searching for the evidence of conflict in the literary work, if your task is to cover the conflict depicted in a novel or a poem.

You may use many sources for data collection; however, make sure that they are reliable and relevant. And do not forget to jot down the information about the source for proper referencing; otherwise, using materials without appropriate arrangement will be considered plagiarism.

Carefully analyze gathered material and single out a precise thesis statement that will be the basis of the paper. Later it will become the last sentence of the introduction, but now it is the basis of the outline for your essay on conflict. The basic outline template for such paper will look like this:

• A hook sentence – an interesting fact, question, quote, or anecdote.
• Introduction part that makes readers aware of the conflict.
• Thesis statement.
• 3 body paragraphs , each with one issue of the conflict and several proofs.
• Address whether the conflict was resolved or not.
• You may also discuss the ways of avoiding or solving the conflict.
• The conclusion  should cover the main points of the paper with the rephrasing of a thesis.

Breaking down a personal conflict essay

Two types of conflict can be covered in the essay – personal and internal. Personal, on its turn, can be divided into a conflict between people, or a person and organization, or a person and a state (especially in the countries of the totalitarian regime).

Usually, students prefer to describe their own conflict experience, for example, with parents or peers. In this case, one has to define the purpose of writing as thereon hangs the tone of the text. For example, the aim is to show that there are no right or wrong, but two legitimate points of view.

Then the tone of the paper will be empathic as the writer has the insight into the opposite point of view and there are two sides of every story.

What about an internal conflict essay?

Such essays deal with the psychological conflicts inside one person. Thus, they discuss what happens when we have to do something that is against ethical standards or values, or the clash of logical and emotional response to something.

Here much prominence should be given to the ways of overcoming this conflict and as a result, becoming a better person.

And in both cases, it is necessary to follow these guidelines to improve the quality of the text:

• Pay attention to the task requirements: do not exceed the word limit , arrange the quotes according to the chosen referencing style, format the paper properly.
• Make sure that the paper is plagiarism-free .
• Edit and proofread the text.

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