opening wedding speech jokes groom

50 Funny Groom Speech Jokes to Win Over Wedding Guests

Updated on: August 28, 2023

Jessica Amlee

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The groom speech: that time-honored tradition where the groom grabs a microphone, clears his throat nervously, and tries not to humiliate himself in front of family, friends, and that one weird uncle everyone warned him about. It’s the verbal equivalent of a high-wire act. Too sappy, and you’ll hear groans. Too short, and people will think you didn’t even try. This is not just another toast; it’s the emotional climax of the wedding reception. If movies have taught us anything, it’s that a groom’s speech should be written by an Oscar-winning screenwriter, delivered like Denzel, and revered like the halftime pep talk in every sports movie ever.

That’s where Groom Speech Jokes come in! Because let’s be honest, weddings can be long affairs. By the time you stand up to speak, folks have been through appetizers, entrées, and maybe even a slide show set to a Kenny G soundtrack. People need a pick-me-up. And nothing wakes up a room faster than a well-timed joke. These groom speech jokes include everyone – from you and your bride’s sisters, brother, and parents to the rest of the lot including the best man and the bridesmaids.

Humor adds sparkle to your words and keeps the audience on their toes. You don’t want your love story to sound like a quarterly report on dishwasher sales, do you? So, toss in a joke or three. Make ’em laugh. Trust us, it’s the best way to ensure that your wedding day will be remembered for all the right reasons—and not because Uncle Bob dozed off and snored through your declarations of eternal love.

Best Groom Jokes for Speech

Add these one-liners and puns in your groom speech to woo your wedding guest:

• I remember the first time I met [Father of the Bride’s Name], he took me aside and gave me some advice. He said, ‘Son, marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.’ Don’t worry, sir, I got the message—loud and clear!”
• Let’s give it up for our ushers! Those are the guys you saw on your way in, showing you to your seats—kind of like the flight attendants of the wedding world, but without the peanuts and tiny cans of soda.
• The first time I ever set eyes on the [Bride’s Name], I was awestruck by her looks – to me she was ‘drop dead gorgeous’, I said to her ‘you’re gorgeous’, she said ‘drop dead!’
• I learned very early on just how close [Bride’s Name] and her mother are. During one of our first dates, she told me to hold on because she had to call her mom. I thought she was joking. Three hours later, they’re still talking, and I’ve memorized the entire menu of the restaurant. Thank you, [Mother of the Bride’s Name], for finally hanging up so I could learn if I was getting a second date!”
• [Bride’s Name] says she loves me more every day. I told her that at this rate, she’ll soon reach a point where she can’t stand to be without me for even a second. She said she’s already there but will give me five minutes today to talk to my buddies.
• I want to thank my parents, who have been married for [number of years] years and have set an incredible example. I asked them for their secret to a long-lasting marriage. They handed me earplugs and a blindfold. Love you, Mom and Dad.
• [Younger Brother’s Name] has been so welcoming since day one. He gave me the most heartfelt advice on joining the family. He said, ‘Bro, you’re cool and all, but if you make my sister cry, I have a black belt in remote control throwing.’ Duly noted, my man, duly noted.
• I want to thank everyone for coming to what I like to call ‘The Sequel.’ You know, sequels are always a bit controversial—some people think they can never be as good as the original, but others think they’re a chance to correct the mistakes of the first one. I’m just glad there’s no option for a reboot!
• They say practice makes perfect, and after last night’s rehearsal dinner, I can confidently say we’ve mastered the art of pretending to know how to cut a wedding cake.
• Now, I want to give a shoutout to my Best Man, [Best Man’s Name]. He’s been my confidant, my wingman, and my therapist. And after tonight, he will also be my debt collector because have you seen the bar tab?
• I know the bridesmaids have put in a lot of effort into looking good today, but I’m here to tell you, ladies, it was all in vain. Nobody could ever outshine my beautiful bride. But hey, second place is still good
• If I’ve learned anything from being with [Bride’s Name], it’s that she’s always right. Even when she’s wrong, she’s ’emotionally right,’ which I’ve learned is a completely different category of being right that men know nothing about.
• Let’s not forget [Older Sister’s Name], the original role model for [Bride’s Name]. She taught her so many important life skills—like how to expertly dodge chores and blame it on the sibling. Thanks to her, I now have a wife who can ‘disappear’ every time the garbage needs taking out.
• To my friends who couldn’t make it, thanks for sending your well wishes and apologies. By the way, your portions of the cake will be mailed to you. Expect a very squished box in 5-7 business days.
• My parents are incredible people. They’ve always been there for me. Literally. They even followed me on my first date with [Bride’s Name]. We thought we were being tailed by the FBI, but it was just Mom and Dad in oversized sunglasses and a baseball cap.
• I have to thank [Younger Sister’s Name] for helping me survive my first ‘Meet the Parents’ dinner. She sent me a text under the table that read: ‘If you want to impress them, mention your 401(k) and pretend you like dad’s jokes.’ Worked like a charm.
• Getting to know [Bride’s Name] meant getting to know [Twin Brother’s Name] too. It’s like studying for two exams at once. The good news is, I think I’ve passed. The bad news is, I still can’t tell their childhood photos apart. I just nod and say, ‘Wow, you both look so cute!’
• They say that bridesmaids are like the GPS of the wedding—always there to point you in the right direction, especially when it comes to avoiding disastrous hairstyle choices and horrific dance moves. Thanks for keeping us all on the right track.
• Dad taught me some valuable lessons about love. For instance, the words ‘Yes, Dear’ are the key to marital bliss. And if you forget your anniversary, the doghouse isn’t as uncomfortable as you’d think.
• I’ve got to say, the wedding feels a little different the second time around. The first time, I was nervous about the little things, like tripping over my vows. This time, I’m just glad I remembered where the church is!

Recommended : Best Man Speech Jokes

• I owe a lot to my Best Man. In fact, if it weren’t for [Best Man’s Name], I might not be standing here today. He’s the one who taught me the secret to a happy relationship: Always have the last word, and make sure that last word is ‘Sorry.’
• [Bride’s Name] is so punctual; she’s never late for anything. She even starts worrying about being late while she’s still early. I think our future is going to be meticulously planned and extremely punctual. Our first child will probably be born saying, ‘Am I late?’
• If the wedding is anything like the rehearsal dinner, we’re in for a good time. The food, the drinks, the awkward speeches—it’s like a family holiday, but with better table settings.
• “Let’s all give it up for [Elder Brother’s Name], the original ‘Gatekeeper.’ I had to answer three riddles and beat him at arm wrestling just to be granted an audience with his sister. Thankfully, he didn’t ask me to climb a tower or slay a dragon—those are in the advanced tests, I hear.
• [Father of the Bride’s Name], you’ve been like a second father to me. Or rather, a financial advisor, mechanic, DIY expert, and occasional golf buddy all rolled into one. So, if I make any mistakes, just remember—you’re partially to blame!
• Some of our dearest friends couldn’t be here tonight, but they sent their love and some truly unforgettable text messages—most of which are better read when not standing next to my new in-laws.
• Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a very emotional day. Even the cake’s in tiers…!
• [Bride’s Name] is a firm believer in ‘retail therapy.’ And by that, I mean she goes to therapy, finds out it’s my fault, and then goes shopping to feel better.”
• [Younger Sister’s Name] has been practicing for months to catch the bouquet tonight. So, ladies, consider this your fair warning: you’re competing against someone who’s been doing wrist exercises and has studied the aerodynamics of flower-throwing. May the odds be ever in your favor.
• The bridesmaids have been like the secret service agents of this wedding. They’ve guarded [Bride’s Name] from stress, shielded her from bad advice, and screened all her calls. I’m considering hiring you all full-time.
• When we first started dating, [Bride’s Name] told me that communication is key. So now, we have a very open dialogue about how I’m always wrong. It’s quite enlightening.
• I want to thank [Mother of the Bride’s Name] for raising such a wonderful daughter. She taught her everything: how to be kind, how to be thoughtful, and how to be patient. And let’s not forget, how to dissect every single word a man says. I’m pretty sure that when I said ‘I do,’ [Bride’s Name] heard ‘I do… promise to never leave my socks on the floor, take out the trash without being asked, and always, always agree that your mother is right.’
• [Best Man’s Name] is so trustworthy, I even let him plan my bachelor party. Of course, that was before I found out it would involve bungee jumping and a petting zoo. Let’s just say it was a wild ride in more ways than one.
• A big shout-out to [Older Sister’s Name]. She’s the one who’s been vetting me from day one. Our first meeting felt like a job interview. There were background checks, personality quizzes, and a lie detector test—or at least it felt that way. Happy to report, I got the job!
• [Bride’s Name] is great with directions; she can find her way anywhere. Except for the laundry room—somehow, that place remains a mystery to her.
• A big thank you to all the bridesmaids for planning such a memorable bachelorette party for [Bride’s Name]. I wasn’t there, of course, but I did see some interesting props lying around the house. I’m looking forward to the explanation.
• They say that when you marry someone, you marry their family too. Well, if that’s the case, I hit the jackpot twice. I got a beautiful, loving wife and in-laws who are already showing me how to up my BBQ game and Pinterest-worthy home decor. What more could a guy ask for?
• When I asked [Elder Brother’s Name] for his sister’s hand in marriage, he said, ‘Are you sure you can handle her?’ I thought it was a cautionary statement until he handed me a survival kit with earplugs and a bottle of aspirin. So far, so good!
• I asked [Bride’s Name] what her dream destination was for our honeymoon. She said, ‘Anywhere, as long as you’re there.’ I told her that’s sweet because my dream destination is anywhere with free Wi-Fi. We’re still negotiating.
• When [Younger Brother’s Name] found out his sister was getting married, he had only one concern: ‘Does this mean I get her room?’ Well, buddy, you might have to negotiate that with your parents, but if it helps, you can have all my old baseball cards.
• Let’s hear it for [Twin Brother’s Name], the man who knows [Bride’s Name] so well, they literally shared a womb. I’ve been told they even had a secret language as kids. I’ve tried learning it, but it turns out, ‘Don’t mess this up, bro,’ sounds the same in every language.
• I learned very quickly that ‘Do you want to watch a romantic comedy?’ is [Bride’s Name]’s code for ‘We are watching a romantic comedy.’ Now, I not only know who Hugh Grant is, but I also have strong opinions on his best roles.
• You know you’re part of the family when the older sister starts asking you for tech support. [Older Sister’s Name], I promise to keep helping you with your computer problems, as long as you promise to keep telling [Bride’s Name] how amazing her choice in husband is. Deal?!
• [Younger Sister’s Name] told me the quickest way to her sister’s heart was through her stomach. So, I tried cooking dinner for [Bride’s Name] one night. After that culinary disaster, [Younger Sister’s Name] handed me a stack of takeout menus and said, ‘Let’s keep this our little secret.’
• [Bride’s Name] once said that marriage is all about compromise. For instance, she wanted a cat, and I wanted a dog. So we compromised, and now we have a cat.
• I’ll never forget the time [Twin Sister’s Name] and [Bride’s Name] decided to switch places to test if I could tell the difference. I panicked and accidentally said, ‘Wow, honey, you look different today, did you do something new with your hair?’ Never making that mistake again!
• They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. [Bride’s Name] took that literally and first won me over with her amazing ability to order the best thing on any takeout menu. It’s a talent, really.
• [Bride’s Mom’s Name] and [Bride’s Dad’s Name], you’ve raised a wonderful daughter, and for that, I owe you everything. Literally. Have you seen the cost of weddings these days? I think we’ll be paying this off until our golden anniversary!
• I asked [Bride’s Name] what she loved most about me. She said, ‘Your ability to listen.’ I’m not sure what she said after that; I was too busy celebrating the compliment.
• Our ushers have done a great job seating everyone today. And don’t worry, they’ll also be available after the ceremony to help you find your cars. No, seriously, they’ve got maps and everything.

Do you have a funny Groom Speech Joke? Write down your own Groom jokes for speech in the comment section below!

Jessica Amlee, born in 1996 in Laughlin, Nevada, is a delightful humorist and joke writer with a penchant for puns. She studied at Emerson College, earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Comedy. Jessica's comedic style combines snappy one-liners and observational humor, making her a rising star in the world of comedy.

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10 Classic Wedding Speech Jokes that Work Again & Again

Love them or hate them, jokes are at the heart of any good wedding speech. And whether you’re the master of ceremonies, the groom, best man, maid of honor, or father of the bride, it never hurts to kick off your wedding toast with a knee-slapper.

Of course, since no one is expecting you to become a professional stand-up comedian overnight, it’s okay to turn to some tried-and-true wedding speech jokes. So here are some of the best-ever wedding jokes to roast the newlyweds before you toast them!

Want to make everyone in the room laugh during your speech? Check out these 10 classic wedding speech jokes that work again & again & again.

#10: Leave ‘Em Wanting More

Leave it to our longtime friends to kick up the laugh factor at the wedding by subtly mentioning our cringiest, most embarrassing, and possibly drunkest moments without actually revealing the whole story to the entire reception. This quote perfectly encapsulates the “always leave ’em wanting more” approach to toast-giving!

“May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”

#9: A Little Dig Won’t Hurt

Here’s a light-hearted wedding speech joke that will inspire laughs but won’t hurt any feelings.

“I just want to start by congratulating (previous speech giver’s Name) on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow—and I was right; I couldn’t follow a word of it.”

#8: No Interruptions

When it’s the groom’s turn to deliver his speech, things can sometimes get dicey. But here is an excellent example of humor that most can relate to.

“I’ve been told that this is usually one of the only times in a man’s life when he can be around his wife and mother-in-law and not be interrupted—so hang in there, I’m going to take full advantage.”

#7: A Little Cliché Can Go a Long Way

Playing with the cliché of wedding speeches is always good to get the guests giggling—and no one can achieve this level of snark and still come off charming like a bestie!

“[Partner one] stole [Partner two’s] heart, so [Partner two] stole [Partner one’s] last name. All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely, considering neither of them ended up in prison.”

#6: A Great Father or Mother Joke

This is a great quote, isn’t it? It’s a lovely joke from a parent who spent at least 18 years irritated by the bride or groom before passing the torch to their future in-law.

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

• Rita Rudner

#5: A Husband Jab

We have to say, husband jabs delivered by wives are always crowd-pleasers (sorry, guys), but of course, this wedding speech joke could be re-gendered to work for any couple. And it can be customized by replacing the word “old” to make more sense for the couple (bad with technology would be one potential substitute!).

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”

• Anne Bancroft

#4: Sound Advice from the Parents

There’s no one better to give good marriage advice than the happy couple’s parents. This famous saying will undoubtedly bring a smile to your face, but it also contains some smart advice to live by as your marriage progresses—in short, always remember that you’re on the same team.

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”

• Henry Kissinger

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#3: know who they really are (a good intro for a bride or groom speech).

This hilarious quote from comedian Will Ferrell would work great in a speech from the groom or bride. When you want to really get to know someone, seeing how they react to problems, struggles, delays, and technology problems can really make them show their true colors.

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”

• Will Ferrell

#2: Support the Family

This is a great joke that the groom can include in his wedding day speech. It’s light-hearted and simple, and everyone can relate!

“When I asked [partner’s] father if I could marry his daughter/son, he immediately wanted to know if I would be able to support a family. The answer was no. I was only planning to support his daughter/son. The rest of them would have to look after themselves.”

#1: A Cheeky Wedding Toast (Sure to Have Them Rolling!)

OK, so not many can get away with making a murder joke during a wedding toast (probably not a good idea for the mother of the bride). But your cheeky best man, sassy maid of honor, or part-time-wannabe-comedian best friend in the bridal party could totally pull it off. And, hey, stats are stats!

“[Newlywed 1] and [Newlywed 2], before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!”

It’s an honor to speak at a wedding, but don’t be afraid to include jokes. Laughter sets the soul on fire. The best gift you can bring to any wedding is a well-rehearsed speech that is fun, light, and hopeful.

Want to try your hand at writing your own jokes instead? See the anatomy of a good wedding joke here .

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38 Funny Wedding Toasts That'll Leave Everyone in Tears

• Chapelle writes articles for The Knot Worldwide. She covers all things wedding-related and has a personal interest in covering celebrity engagements and fashion.
• Before joining The Knot Worldwide, Chapelle was an editorial intern for Subvrt Magazine.
• Chapelle has a degree in English writing from Loyola University New Orleans.

If you think you're the funniest person you know but can't put that humor on paper, you might be worried about writing your funny wedding toast. But don't let that blinking cursor on a blank page intimidate you. I've found tons of giggle-worthy inspiration from all my favorite books, movies and public figures to help add pizzazz to your wedding speech . Whether you start or end with one of these funny wedding toast quotes, these are the building blocks to a legendary, laugh-packed wedding reception, rehearsal dinner or engagement party moment.

In this article:

Funny Wedding Toasts

Funny wedding toast quotes.

All these funny wedding toast examples are perfect for people who weren't born with the right kind of funny bone. And if anyone asks you after the toast how'd you come up with something so hilarious, I suggest just laughing loudly and walking away briskly.

Funny, Short Wedding Toasts

Need something short and sweet for your wedding toast? Try one of these, which will be a sure hit during the reception.

1. "[Name of partner one] stole [Name of partner two]'s heart, so [Partner two] stole [Partner one's] last name. All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely, considering neither of them ended up in prison..." – Anonymous

2. "A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. That's unfortunate for these two!" – Anonymous

3. "Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, to hell with you." – Anonymous

4. "I would like to reintroduce the most important people here tonight. We know them, we love them and it's probably why we're all here…the bartenders." – Anonymous

5. "May your marriage be so solid it could last through being on a Bravo reality TV show." – Anonymous

Funny One-Liners for Wedding Toasts

A quick zinger, said in the middle of a serious or sentimental speech, will throw guests off in a good and hysterical way. Just remember to slow down and annunciate so no one misses it.

6. "Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park." – Anonymous

7. "May our children be blessed with rich parents!" – Anonymous

8. "Hello everyone. For those of you who don't know me, I'm [Name of newlywed one]'s and [Name of newlywed two]'s mistress." – Anonymous

9. "May the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out." – Anonymous

10. "I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always." – Anonymous

Funny Wedding Toast Closing Lines

Send guests off with something memorable at the end of your funny wedding toast. Be prepared for lots of high-fives and congratulatory pats on the back.

11. "May we never forget what's worth remembering or remember what's best forgotten." – Anonymous

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12. "I'm going to ask everyone to take their glasses–and for those who still can–stand and raise a glass to the newlyweds." – Anonymous

13. "[Name of newlywed one] and [Name of newlywed two], before I finish, I'd like you to turn to face each other. You're now looking into the eyes of the person who's statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!" – Anonymous

14. "I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are horrible." – Anonymous

15. "To our best friends, who know the most about us, but refuse to believe it." – Anonymous

16. "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." – Anonymous

Here are some popular and unique funny wedding toast quotes from my favorite things and people. If you don't see anything below that you resonate with, use this as inspiration to find quotes from your beloved poems, movies, songs or people.

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Poems

Love poems come in heavy supply, so surprise guests with a funny wedding quote from one of these poets.

17. "To keep your marriage brimming / With love in the loving cup / Whenever you're wrong, admit it; / Whenever you're right, shut up." – "A Word to Husbands" by Ogden Nash (American poet)

18. "No teacher, preacher, parent, friend / Or wise man can decide / What's right for you—just listen to / The voice that speaks inside." – "The Voice" by Shel Silverstein (American poet and cartoonist)

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Movies

Snatch your favorite quote from a movie you love to personalize your funny wedding toast and allow guests a sense of familiarity.

19. "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." – Forrest Gump (1994)

20. "I love you. That's why I make you miserable." – Real Women Have Curves (2002)

21. "I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting." – Love Actually (2003)

22. "Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever." – Knocked Up (2007)

23. "Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love." – A Lot Like Love (2005)

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Songs

By quoting a song for your wedding toast, you get two choices for how it can be delivered. Ask the DJ to cue the song to play so you can sing along, which will garner laughs, or read it if singing isn't your strong suit.

24. "Can I be the man you're looking for? / Can I be your girl forever more? / I'll try real hard not to lose her / I'll try to be less of a loser" – "F*ck You," by Garfunkel & Oates

25. "I can make you angry, you can make me smile / We can make origami with the kids for a while / You turn me on to the idea of growing old" – "The Idea of Growing Old," by The Features

26. "Remember back when we had problems? Oh man, that was annoying! / But now our love has magically solved them / And there won't be any more in our future at all" – "We'll Never Have Problems Again," by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

27. "I'd buy you Rogaine / When you start losing all your hair / Sew on patches / To all you tear" – "The Way I Am," by Ingrid Michaelson

28. "Now when arrows don't penetrate, see (cupid grabs the pistol) / Uh, yeah, now, now lookie here / He shoots straight for your heart / Now, and he won't miss you" – "Happy Valentine's Day," by OutKast

29. "Here is the church and here is the steeple / We sure are cute for two ugly people / I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else / But you" – "Anyone Else But You," by The Moldy Peaches

30. "Here is a heart / I made it for you so take it / Battered and braised / Grilled and sauteed / Just how you like it" – "Here Is a Heart," by Jenny Owen Youngs

Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Famous People

Sometimes celebrities can have wise words to provide the masses. Use one of these famous quotes for your funny wedding toast.

31 . "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." – Henny Youngman (British-American comedian)

32. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." – Anne Bancroft (American actress)

33. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." – Rita Rudner (American comedian)

34. "True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." – Mindy Kaling (American actress and comedian)

35. "Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." – Henry Kissinger (Former United States Secretary of State)

36. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." – Will Ferrell (American actor and comedian)

37. "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." – Charles M. Schulz (American cartoonist)

38. "If I didn't do this well, I just wouldn't have anything to do…I can't cook, and I'd be a terrible housewife." – Freddie Mercury (British singer and songwriter)

How to Begin a Wedding Speech: Our Favourite Opening Lines

Handy one-liners to get your speech off to an amazing start.

If you've read our feature on how to make a great wedding speech , you'll know that it's really important to start strong! Well, today, we're showing you how to do exactly that, with a list of the best wedding speech opening lines . The beauty of this list is that it works for any kind of wedding speech, whether you're the bride, groom, best man, bridesmaid, father-of-the-bride, or even the flower girl or the groom's granny! We've made sure to include lots of different options so there's something to suit every style of speech, whether you want to keep it super simple, bring the audience to tears, or wow them with a joke ! Some of our wedding speech opening lines can be customised, too, to help you make your speech even more personal. So, let's dive in!

Our Favourite Wedding Speech Opening Lines

To help you find what you're looking for, we've split our sample opening lines into three categories; simple and sincere opening lines, funny opening lines and opening lines with quotes from famous people.

Note: (name) can indicate yourself, the bride/groom, the couple as a whole, or another member of the wedding party.  

Wedding Speech Opening Lines: Simple and Sincere Opening Lines

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and thank you (name) for the kind introduction."

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. As (name's friend/relative), I'm delighted to welcome you all here tonight."

"Thank you so much, (name), for such a wonderful introduction. I only hope I can live up to your kind words!"

"Hello everyone. I hope you're all having a great night so far."

"Hello, I'm (name) and, for those of you who don't already know me, I'm (relation to couple)."

"Hi everybody, I'm (name), and I'm here to talk a little bit about my good friend (name)."

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and I'm going to talk a little bit about (name). When I was writing this speech, I asked myself how I could sum up (X) years of friendship, laughter and adventures in one speech, and I decided that I can't. We'd be here all night."

"Hello everybody and welcome. I think we can all agree that it's been a wonderful day so far. (Couple names), you should be really proud of the amazing day you've put together. We're all very lucky to be a part of it."

"Hello everyone. I hope you're all having a great night so far. My life changed completely on (date, year), when (name) came into my life, and it changes again today, as they embark on their latest adventure with (name)."

"Hi everybody. Thank you for the warm welcome. Mark Twain once said that 'there are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.' I'm definitely in the former category, so I hope you'll forgive me if I'm a little bit shaky this evening."

Wedding Speech Opening Lines: Funny Opening Lines to Make Guests LOL

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and before any of you ask, yes I am single."

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and I'll be your speaker for the next 95 minutes."

"Hi everybody. If you don't know who I am... well, you're probably at the wrong wedding! But stick around, we need extra people for the conga line."

"Hi everyone. You're probably wondering why I gathered you here today. I've got a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity that I know you're going to - sorry, wrong speech!"

"Hello everyone! Thank you all for being here on such an exciting night. Yes, the rumours are true, I will be debuting some new choreography on the dance floor this evening. But in the mean time, I suppose I should talk a little bit about (couple names)."

"Hello, and welcome. You may know me as (name's friend/relative), but tonight, I go by the title, (name), Lord of the Dance."

"Hi everyone. Just in case you don't already know, I'm (name) and I'm the best man. There are some really successful, good-looking, charming men in the room tonight, but now that it's written on the ceremony program in black and white, it's official - I am the best."

"Hi everyone, I'm (name), and I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from the great Seamus Heaney/Maya Angelou/Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr./Mother Teresa... but unfortunately I left my speech in my other jacket. So you'll have to make do with me!"

“Hi everyone. If I could just say a few words … I’d be a better public speaker! That gag was actually stolen from Homer Simpson, which should give you an idea of the caliber of speech you can expect from me tonight.”

"Hi everyone, and welcome. Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as, 'The process of removing weeds from one's garden'. That's a Homer Simpson quote, which should give you an idea of the caliber of speech you can expect from me tonight.”

"Hello everyone, I'm (name.) According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right?"

"Hi everyone. When I was preparing this speech, (name) gave me a list of topics that were strictly off-limits, so I'd like to start with those."

"Hi everyone. I'm (name). Anyone who knows me knows that I'm (name)'s biggest fan. So much so, that I was actually quite hurt when I learned that I wasn't going to be involved in the first dance!"

"Hi everyone. I just want to take a few minutes to talk about my good friend (name). I first met (name) when we were 13, and since then, I've always looked up to him. He was, after all, the only 6ft 2' student at (school name)!"

"Good evening everyone. To our English speakers, I'd like to say welcome, we're delighted that you could be with us today to celebrate the marriage of (couple names). To our (other language) speakers, I'd like to say (use Google Translate or ask a native speaker to translate, 'My llama is very handsome. I hope my translation is correct.')"

Wedding Speech Opening Lines: Beginning with a Quote

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from Dr. James Dobson, who said, 'Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.' "

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from Franz Schubert, who said, 'Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.' "

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who said, 'There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.' "

"Hi everyone. I'd like to begin my speech with a quote from Franklin P. Jones, who said, 'Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.' "

"Hi everyone, I'm (name.) I hope you're all having a wonderful day so far. When I got married to my partner (name), somebody told me, 'Don't just be husband and wife, be president of each other's fan clubs,' and I'd like to pass on that same advice to (couple)."

"Hello everyone. I'd like to begin with a quote from Mignon McLaughlin, who said, 'A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.' Over the past (x) years, I've had the pleasure of watching (name) fall in love with (name) over and over again."

You've found your opening line - now what? Click over to this feature  for a handy checklist of people to thank in your wedding speech.

Image credits

Adam and grace, via one fab day, see more in:.

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Best groom jokes for a wedding speech to remember

"i only found out today that a toastmaster isn’t actually a kitchen appliance.".

Traditionally, a groom’s speech thanks the guests for being there, brings out some romantic sentiment, and then it’s job done; after all,  the best man is in charge of the funnies .

But just as the father of the bride can also have a laugh , who says the groom can’t crack a few jokes too?

Here are some great groom jokes guaranteed to gets a few laughs during your time in the spotlight:

“A wedding speech is one of those rare occasions when you get the opportunity to publicly say how you feel about the people you really care about. So I’m going to devote the next couple of minutes paying tribute to some very special people indeed. Starting with the bar staff.” “Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments’ silence in memory of the countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.” “All those among you who know my new wife/husband will know that they are a wonderful and caring person. They deserve a good husband. Thank God they married me before they found one.” “I feel very fortunate to have married [wife/husband’s name]. None of you will know this, but I’ve actually been congratulated already. ‘Son,’ my father said to me, ‘Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you’ve ever done.’ Fitting words, I thought, as I set off for my stag night.” “Now I know what you’re all thinking: ‘doesn’t he look great in his suit?’ This is actually down to a fitness regime which includes me doing at least 50 push-ups a day for the last three months. But I should mention that none of them have actually been intentional – I’ve just been collapsing a lot from all the nerves and stress.”

“I’ve been feeling quite nervous about giving this speech for some time. But I’m pleased to say last night I slept like a baby – I woke up every two hours, crying my eyes out.”

“For those of you without the internet I’ll update you on my new wife/husband’s Facebook account, which they’ve secretly been using under the table as I speak. Their status has been changed to ‘married’, their parents immediately ‘disliked’ this, and 32 people in this room have already ‘poked’ them.”

“Before I begin, please can we ensure that all the aisles and fire exits are kept clear throughout the reception. There’s a medical team waiting outside the building and I’d like them to have a clear run when my in-laws are presented with the final bill.”

“Twenty years ago, I was told by a doctor that I would never dance normally again. When the band starts, you’ll see exactly what that specialist was talking about.”

“The buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…”

“When it comes to talking about my wife/husband’s good points, where do I start? They’re intelligent, generous, hard working, popular – and a brilliant judge of character.”

“I was in a pub when I proposed. It was actually very romantic – I got up on one knee.”

“I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I‘d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.” “I suppose you’ll be expecting a few laughs in this speech. But I know I need to tread carefully. I don’t want to upset my in-laws and hear my wife/husband going around and introducing me to everyone as their ‘first husband’.” “Firstly I’d just like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact, this must be the third time today that I have stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.” “I don’t know if you noticed earlier, but when [wife/husband’s name]’s father toasted ‘Absent Friends’, the best man stood up and took a bow.” “It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.” “I will shortly be handing over to the best man. But unlike many best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, he has promised me that if there is anything slightly risqué, he will whip it out immediately.” “When I asked [Bride/husband’s name]’s father if I could marry them, he immediately wanted to know if I would be able to support a family. The answer was no. I was only planning to support them. The rest of them would have to look after themselves.”

“For those of you who don’t know me, my full name is actually ‘[name]-would-you-like-a-drink’. For anyone who I chat to later, if you could use my full name in the bar area please.”

“I did ask for a microphone but was told there weren’t any available. So if you can’t hear me at the back, the silence at the front should assure you that you’re not missing out on anything.”

“I just want to say, in front of our families and dearest friends, that I love you and hope that every day will be as happy as today – just not as expensive.”

“To start this speech, I Googled ‘the perfect groom speech’. But you had to pay to read the examples, and I didn’t think it was worth it, so I’m just going to wing it.”

“On our first date I promised them a seven course meal. They were a tad disappointed when it turned out to be a burger and a six pack.”

“I’m not used to public speaking. I only found out today that a toastmaster isn’t actually a kitchen appliance.”

“I have no problem admitting to you all that I’m extremely nervous right now. And as the people sitting near the front of the room can attest, it is actually possible to smell fear.”

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36 Funny Wedding Toasts and Speeches That'll Get the Whole Room Laughing

Plus, tips on writing and delivering a humorous speech that won't come off as a roast.

Photo by Abby Jiu Photography

In This Article

Have you been asked to give a wedding toast ? First and foremost, congratulations! It’s clear that you mean a great deal to the marrying couple and that they trust you to speak on their behalf in front of everyone that has ever been important to them. It's a tremendous honor, but we understand that you might be feeling a bit nervous about your new role as reception orator. Where should you begin?

The most important thing to know about wedding speeches is that the best ones are both heartfelt and humorous—and, most importantly, well under five minutes. While you’ll want to dive deep into your own memories of and feelings about the couple for the heartfelt bits, zingers don’t necessarily come naturally to all of us. To help you out in the laughs department, we’ve rounded up some of our favorite funny wedding toasts and marriage quotes below. Feel free to borrow with abandon and mix them up as needed—whatever it takes to make your speech really shine! 

Photo by Twah Dougherty Photography

Funny Wedding Toast Ideas 

These one-liners and well-wishes are sure to garner some chuckles.

• "What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding!"
• "May your children be blessed with rich parents." 
• "Here's to you and here's to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here's to me, and to hell with you."
• "Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor, and a short memory."
• "May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom." 
• "Remember: In life, there are only two tools anyone really needs in their toolbox—duct tape and WD40. Duct tape keeps things from moving when they shouldn’t, and WD40 gets things moving when they’re stuck."
• "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."
• "May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. And if you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds!"
• "We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall."
• "As Bill and Ted once said: 'Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'"
• "Saying 'I do' at your wedding is like clicking the 'I accept' box any time a new piece of software on your computer or phone asks you to read its terms and conditions: You do it despite having no idea what will come next. Congratulations on your marriage!"
• "Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers!"
• "Now, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. I actually like both of you—do you have any idea how rare that is?"
• "May the most you wish for be the least you get." 
• "May your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided."

While quotes are great, keeping your wedding toasts personal or even providing quotes you remember from the couple getting married is always a good choice.

Photo by Jose Villa

Funny Quotes for Your Wedding Toast 

Use these humorous bits to offer the newlyweds wisdom and advice with a wink in your toast.

• "The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg 
• "We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love." — Dr. Seuss 
• "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
• "Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash." — Dr. Joyce Brothers
• "Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener." — Pauline Thomason  
• "A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it." — Unknown
• "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt." — Charles Schulz
• "Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy." — Henry Kissinger
• "To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." — Ogden Nash
• "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
• "If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married." — Unknown
• "Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy." — Unknown
• "If at first you don’t succeed...try doing it the way your wife told you." — Unknown  
• "Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you." — Megan Mullally 
• "The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret." — Henny Youngman
• "The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with." — Mac MacGuff in Juno 
• "You’ll know you’ve mastered marriage when you ask your spouse to hand you 'that thingy' over there and they know exactly what you mean.” — @sixfootcandy on Twitter
• "Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there." — George Burns
• "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person." — Mignon McLaughlin
• "If your husband tells you you're being too dramatic, don't forget to bow when you thank him." — @3sunzzz on Twitter
• "Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to Ikea on a Saturday with an empty stomach is not." — @maryfairybobrry on Twitter

Photo by Les Loups

Tips for Writing and Delivering a Funny Wedding Toast

A funny wedding toast is a great way to keep everyone engaged; guests (especially after a few drinks at cocktail hour) don't always have the best attention spans for long, emotional speeches. A toast that's light, short, and appropriately funny is the recipe for one attendees will remember—and for all the right reasons. Just be sure to follow a few important tips for writing, practicing, and delivering a funny wedding toast.

Avoid too many inside jokes.

Have you ever been out with a group of friends and experienced everyone laughing about something that makes absolutely no sense to you? If so, you know that there's no worse feeling than being on the outside of an inside joke. While it's perfectly fine to include a few lines that make sense to just a few people in attendance, it's important to ensure that the vast majority of your toast resonates with everyone on the guest list.

Don't poke fun at the happy couple.

Remember that this is a toast, not a roast. It's best to be humorous but not mean-spirited or cruel. You want guests to laugh with you instead of at the happy couple, so avoid anything that feels as though you're mocking the newlyweds. Sharing funny stories and musings is a better course of action than retelling every embarrassing story you know about the bride or groom.

Be sure to strike the right balance between funny and serious.

While you don't have to pair every funny line with something more sentimental, it is nice to ensure there's a good mix of content in your speech. Balance all that (tasteful) humor with more serious sentiments—how much you love the couple, what their bond has taught you about happy relationships, and your hopes and dreams for their long, happy future together—and you've got a guaranteed hit.

Have someone else vet it.

Who can forget that scene in Wedding Crashers where Rachel McAdams thinks she's written the world's funniest speech and Owen Wilson kindly tells her to speak from the heart instead? While you might think you've penned a winner, it's best to let someone you trust weigh in before you take it to the crowd. Be open-minded about their feedback and willing to adjust if they note any major red flags.

Practice, practice, practice.

Your speech might be rock solid, but if you're tripping over every word or rushing through what you've written, guests will never know how great it is. Though definitely don't have to memorize it, you should practice it a few times through to make sure there are no clunky phrases or tough to pronounce words. Nail your timing and make sure you give your jokes a little breathing room for laughs, too.

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Groom speech jokes - 101 winners

Displaying 1 to 10 of 101 classic groom speech jokes

I have been told that this is usually one of the only times in a married man’s life when he can be in the company of his wife and mother in-law and not be interrupted … I may be here sometime.

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Displaying 1 of 30 examples »

Thank you for all your wonderful gifts. I can’t tell you how much they mean to us – but I should have a better idea after the honeymoon, once eBay’s has worked its magic.

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - A wedding speech is one of those rare occasions when you get the opportunity to publicly say how you feel about the people you really care about. So I’m going to devote the next couple of minutes paying tribute to some very special people indeed. Starting with the bar staff …

Displaying 1 of 53 examples »

I’d like to thank you all for coming. You’re all looking wonderful tonight. I’ve realised for the first time that I actually have some well-dressed, good-looking family and friends. Oh, no, wait, those ones are Linda’s family and friends.

First of all, I’d like to explain to some of the younger guests that just because the bride left the church with a different man to the one she arrived with, it doesn’t mean she changed her mind.

Displaying 1 of 5 examples »

Linda wanted everything to look just perfect today, and if you think I seem a little different to normal, you’d be right. I am in fact a 25-year-old model playing the part of Linda’s husband.

Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married … I’ve been told to read this one instead.

Displaying 1 of 80 examples »

Before we proceed I must make a very sad announcement which I hope doesn’t taint these celebrations. I’m sorry to say that Linda and I are no longer engaged.

I feel very fortunate to have married Linda. None of you will know this, but I've actually been congratulated already. 'Paul,' my father said to me, 'Well done! You will always look back on today as the happiest and best thing you've ever done.' Fitting words, I thought, as I set off for my stag night.

Displaying 1 of 18 examples »

Right, I’d just like to start by laying down a couple of rules. Firstly, this is my day, so no heckling please – this includes the wife. And secondly, if you do have a mobile phone…please, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. I think if you keep your spirits high and your expectations low, everyone will be happy.

I’ve been feeling quite nervous about giving this speech for some time. But I’m pleased to say last night I slept like a baby – I woke up every two hours, crying my eyes out.

Displaying 1 of 14 examples »

By now, Linda knows me quite well. I use 'quite' advisedly because if she knew me 'well' we may not be here today.

Now I know I’m not the first bridegroom to be a little anxious on his wedding day, but actually since it started I’ve felt pretty relaxed, because Linda’s so organised she’s thought of everything. She arranged for the car to take me to the church, collected my suit from the hire shop and worked all hours of last night to write my speech. Darling – can I have it now, please?

Displaying 1 of 20 examples »

Since Linda and I have been together, a lot of guys ask how I could woo such a beautiful, intelligent woman. It’s very simple: spoil them rotten, let them know you’ll give them the finer things in life, and make sure you’re as witty and as cultured as your surroundings. On our very first date I took Linda to a flashy restaurant. I won't tell you where, as it's a special place for us, but I will tell you that Linda first melted into my arms with the line, ‘If you were on the menu here, you would be a McGorgeous!’

Before I begin, please can we ensure that all the aisles and fire exits are kept clear throughout the reception. There’s a medical team waiting outside the building and I’d like them to have a clear run when my father in-law is presented with the final bill.

Displaying 1 of 22 examples »

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to start by thanking everyone here for sharing our wedding day with us. I’d also like to thank those few that couldn’t be here today, because you've saved us a fortune.

When it comes to talking about my bride's good points, where do I start? She’s intelligent, generous, hard working, popular and a brilliant judge of character.

Displaying 1 of 15 examples »

Linda’s been good for me. Since meeting her I’ve been motivated to change career, to lose weight, to drink less. And she supported me through all those failures.

Today is rightly the happiest day of my life, and it will continue to be a date that I will cherish and celebrate as each year passes. And to ensure that I always remember this date as my special anniversary… just once, I shall forget it.

Displaying 1 of 17 examples »

Good evening everyone. The wife and I are delighted that you were able to come to our wedding. I can’t imagine a happier way to start married life than in this wonderful venue with our family and friends around us. OK, so I can, but it would have to be an exceptionally big Jacuzzi.

Welcome to Poetic Wedding Creations! We are here to help you create the perfect words for your special day.

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25 funny opening lines for wedding speeches.

W edd ing speeches are an important part of any wedding celebration . They provide an opportunity for the couple to thank their family and friends and express their love for one another . But , it can be difficult to come up with the perfect opening line for your speech .

Never fear ! We ’ ve compiled a list of 25 funny opening lines for wedding speeches that are sure to get your guests laughing . From classic one - liners to pun s and jokes , these lines will give you the perfect start to your speech .

1 . “ Good evening everyone , I have a few words to say , so I ’ m going to make like a tree and leave . ”

2 . “ I wanted to start my speech with a joke , but I couldn ’ t find one that was appropriate for a wedding . So , I ’ ll just say congratulations ! ”

3 . “ If I had a dollar for every time I ’ ve heard a wedding speech , I ’ d be rich . ”

4 . “ I ’ ve been told I have to give a speech , so here goes nothing . ”

#5 . “ I ’ m not here to give a speech , I ’ m here to give a toast ! ”

6 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me eventually . ”

7 . “ I ’ m not sure how to start this speech , so I ’ ll just say congratulations to the happy couple ! ”

8 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that I ’ m not a comedian . So , congratulations ! ”

9 . “ I ’ ve been asked to give a speech and I have no idea what to say , so I ’ m just going to wing it . ”

10 . “ I was about to give a speech , but then I remembered I don ’ t actually have anything to say . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

11 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me in a moment . So , in the meantime , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

12 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , so I ’ m just going to start off by saying congratulations ! ”

13 . “ I didn ’ t plan on giving a speech , but here I am . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

14 . “ I ’ m not sure what to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me … eventually . ”

15 . “ I don ’ t know what to say , so I ’ m just going to say “ che ers ” to the happy couple ! ”

16 . “ I ’ m not sure what to say , so I ’ m just going to say “ cong ratulations ” to the happy couple ! ”

17 . “ I was trying to think of something to say , but then I realized that I don ’ t have to say anything . So , cheers to the happy couple ! ”

18 . “ I was going to say something funny , but then I realized that this is a wedding and not a comedy show . So , congratulations ! ”

19 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized that I don ’ t actually know any jokes . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

20 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that this is a wedding and not a comedy club . So , congratulations ! ”

21 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered this isn ’ t a roast . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

22 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized I don ’ t actually know any jokes . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

23 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that this is a wedding and not a stand - up comedy show . So , congratulations ! ”

24 . need 24 and 25 24 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized I don ’ t have any jokes that are appropriate for a wedding . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

25 . “ I was looking for the perfect joke to start my speech with , but then I realized that nothing I could say could measure up to the happiness of this day . So , congratulations ! ”

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15 Wedding Jokes To Make Your Speech The Toast Of The Evening!

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Being a Best Man or maid-of-honour is such a privilege. But with such privilege comes a lot of responsibility and stress to make sure your loved ones most special day go off without a hitch. Pun intended. But your job is not done once the vows are said and the rings are on the bride and grooms fingers, oh no. You still have to give a speech in front of potentially hundreds of people. We’ll don’t stress, we have compiled a list fo 20 zingers that will have everyone in stitches.

15 Wedding Jokes for Speeches

In this article, we’ve broken down our list of hilarious wedding jokes into the following three categories:

• Jokes For The Best Man
• Jokes For The Maid-of-honour

General Wedding Jokes

Wedding jokes for the best man.

As the best man, you are expected to take the micky out of the groom, just a little bit. Here are 5 ideas to get some laughs.

Lastly, he decided to call up his most intelligent friend. Finally, I told him “This is the third time you have called me! If you stop calling I’ll be your best man”.”

• “There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Good luck to the bride!”

“Wait, I’m sorry, *insert grooms name* I can’t read your writing”

• “I did some research online about best man speeches and it said that you should make your best man speech mainly about the groom. So like *the groom* this speech is going to be short and disappointing.”
• “I spoke with the groom’s parents earlier and they told me to cut some inappropriate stories out, so nothing about ex’s… (drop an index card)…. alcohol… (drop another index card) …. the police…. (drop another index card)…”

Wedding Jokes For The Maid-of-Honor

Maid-of-honor speeches are often very sentimental. But there is no reason why you can’t sneak some cute and funny jokes in there as well.

• “I have known *insert the brides name* since highschool. So you could pretty much call us high school sweethearts.”
• “*Insert brides name*, please put your hand on the table next to your husband. *Insert grooms name*, place your hand on top of hers. Now that you are married, this will be the last time that you will have the upper hand, *insert grooms name*.”
• “I’d like to give you and the groom relationship advice, but what do I know? I’m single and have a cat.”
• *Insert grooms name*, now that you are married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always get the last two words in: “Yes, dear”
• “All those among you who know the Bride will know that she is a wonderful and caring person. She deserves a good husband. Thank God *insert grooms name* married her before she found one.”

If you are looking for some jokes that be used as the MC, Maid-of-honour or, the Best Man, here are 5 jokes that you can use to get an extra couple of laughs.

• “I’d like everyone to stand for a toast. There are some really important people whom I’m sure you will all meet throughout the evening. Without them, none of this would be possible. Everyone, raise a glass for the bartenders!”

When writing the speech, make sure to include some personal stories about the couples, share some fun moments you had together and let them know how much they mean to you. While it’s great to get a laugh, what is most important is to make sure the bride and groom know how much they mean to you.

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The 50 Best Jokes For Your Best Man Speech

As the best man, you’re tasked with giving the toast—maybe the most famous one of the evening. For the big speech, it’s important to have some jokes scattered throughout. The couple gets to be sentimental. Her father gets to be sad and nostalgic. You need to bring the funny like it’s showtime at the Apollo. That’s no easy task, either. Luckily, there are dozens of jokes that have already been written that you can plug your buddy’s name into and carry on. We compiled some of our favorites for you here. Good luck!

Good evening everyone. I’m so happy to preside over the only five minutes that the bride didn’t plan. Of course, I’m only kidding. We went over the speech 40 minutes ago in the hall.

It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.

We’ve reached the moment in the evening where we get to watch the groom figet and worry in anticipation. Yes, everyone, I’ve been asked by the staff to give him the bill.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I just want to apologize for not being an experienced public speaker. I’m probably going to spend most of the time looking at this piece of paper in my hands. Oh, it’s not my notes – it’s a picture of the triple Jameson I’m going to down as soon as this is over.

I just heard there was a lucrative pool on the length of the Best Man’s speech. I put my money on 40 minutes, so settle in…

Before I begin my speech, there’s just one order of business I’ve been asked to take care of. *Hold up pair of trousers with padlock on them* These are Jack’s Chastity Pants. I know he’s given keys out to various ladies over the years, but since he is now a married man, he’d like to get those copies back, so Jill is the only one with access. *Wait for the keys you strategically handed out to wedding guests to be brought up*

My name is Peter and I am the Best Man. Many of you would beg to differ, but shut up – I know your secrets.

Just a couple of rules before we begin. If you have a mobile phone – leave it switched on, entertain yourselves. And if anyone texts you any good jokes, kindly pass them up to the front.”

I’ve been told I won’t get away with a few thank yous and a quick toast. Apparently, as Best Man, I’m supposed to sing the Groom’s praises and talk about his good qualities. Unfortunately, I can’t sing and I won’t lie.

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt.  Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen – Before I came here today one of my good friends gave me some advice on giving this speech. He said think of it like walking through a nudist camp, it’s only hard for the first minute.

Now he’s getting a bit older he’s turning his attention more and more to gadgets, constantly buying stuff from ebay, amazon and I want one of those dot com. I swear he didn’t have an interest in women until he overheard someone say the secret to women was knowing what buttons to press.

I read somewhere the perfect best man speech should last as long as it takes for the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass to the happy couple!

Sally is a bright, charming, wonderful woman, who deserves a good husband. It’s such a shame Harry swooped in before she could find one.

I think the main reason we’ve lasted as friends all these years is because you’re geographically convenient…and you had a trampoline.

Jack is the kindest friend anyone could ask for; a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. ‘Generosity’ should be his middle name. He would do anything for me; like helping write a section of the best man speech because you forgot about it until late last night at the bar!

Jack was in a pub when he proposed. No, really, it was actually very romantic – he got up on one knee.

It’s strange to be giving a speech like this one, because my parents always told me that if I had nothing good to say about someone, I should just be quiet.

Seeing the happy couple walking down the aisle earlier today, I’m sure we all agree that the bride looked simply stunning. The groom, on the other hand, simply looked stunned.

So I’m the best man, although I think I was picked by default since the groom doesn’t really have any other friends.

I can only say in my defense that Mike and I share a common sense of humor so if this speech is in anyway unfunny please “Feel Free to Blame Mike.”

I’d also like to congratulate Keith on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.

John did tell me that the vicar was firmly against sex before marriage. However, Jane did assure him it would only take a couple of minutes.

Rest assured though, unlike most traditional best man speeches, which are full of sexual innuendo, I’ve promised Dan and Anne that if there is anything slightly risqué, I’ll whip it out immediately …”

Although Ria did actually tell me Paul has always brightened up her life. Well, she actually said he never turned the lights off but it amounts to the same thing pretty much.

I’ll try to keep my speech short, because every extra minute I speak is an extra minute’s delay in witnessing how the Groom’s dance lessons worked out.

I do have to say though how lucky you are Dave, you’re leaving with a beautiful wife whom you love. And you, Miranda, you get to go home with such a nice new dress and beautiful bouquet of flowers, it’s great.

Jill, you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. And I promise you I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong here.

Being asked to be the best man is about five minutes of glowing pride, followed by an eternity of panic and misery. Linda, I expect you had a similar experience when Paul asked you to be his wife.

I spoke to both Sally and Paul before the Wedding and I asked Paul what he was looking for in Marriage – he said “Love, happiness and a long life together.” When I asked Sally the same question – she replied – A coffee percolator!

Speaking of Jane, I would like to say how beautiful she looks today in that fantastic dress …Dan likes it too, as he told me in the church it will blend in just nicely well with the rest of the kitchen.

Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!”

When I saw Linda heading up the aisle with her father, I thought “At last she’s seen sense, and got herself a man with looks and money.”

Before proposing, Paul went to ask Linda’s father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing Paul took the hand that had spent 20 years fishing into his wallet!

I recognize my place here; being best man at a wedding is like being the dead body at a funeral. You’re expected to be there, but if you say too much people start freaking out.

If you can’t hear me in the back, let the silence in the front assure you that you’re not really missing out on anything.

A Best Man is like a dog. You love him, care about him, and he’s only thrown up and ruined your upholstery twice.

I would like to start by saying what a pleasure it is to be Best Man at Jack and Jill’s wedding. Jack made me compete for this honor today, but I was able to beat Mark the Bartender over there in rock-paper-scissors, so here I am!

I found the speech length really difficult to settle on. At one point, it ran to almost 70 minutes, so I cut it down to a five-minute speech but I just felt like too many important things were being left out. So I came to a compromise – I’m going to read the five-minute speech. Then straight afterwards, I’ll do 70-minute one and you guys can tell me which speech I should use.

What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings and is now rising to the top of his industry based solely on his intelligence, grit and willpower? A man whose charisma knows no bounds and who has already distinguished himself amongst his peers? Because I’m trying to write my Tinder profile and I’m having trouble summarizing myself.

When I sat down to write this speech I Googled “perfect best man speech”, but you had to pay to read the examples and I didn’t think it was worth it, so I’m gonna wing it.

I admit, I’m extremely nervous right now. As the people sitting near to me at the table can testify, it really is possible to smell fear.”

I must admit, I’m not used to speaking in public. Until now I thought a toastmaster was a kitchen appliance.

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

You know, it’s been said that being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to Camilla Parker Bowles.. It’s a great honor but you don’t really want to do it!

I’ve been anxious about giving this speech for a while now. Fortunately last night I slept like a baby. Waking up every two hours and bawling my eyes out. Ten minutes ago, I had to ask a complete stranger to burp me.

Dave was telling me that the amazing meal this evening was charged on a cost-per-head basis, so, on the bride and groom’s behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming…

What’s the difference between in-laws and out-laws? Outlaws are wanted.”

Leading up to today John and Jane were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here & who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there. So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of Jane and John thank‐you very much for the teaspoons.

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155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech

We welcome you to one of the funniest collections of wedding jokes. A great comedy culminates in marriage, and a happy marriage is full of comedy. ‎

If you’re the bride or groom, a best man or maid of honor, or merely a friend or family who can’t pass up the opportunity to express your heart and soul, the finest present you can offer to any wedding ceremony is a well-rehearsed marriage speech that is lighthearted, joyful, and cheerful. ‎

Leave the lame puns about bossy wives or disloyal husbands at the gate and focus your thoughts on the one type of humor that all wedding guests can enjoy: wedding jokes.

Below are some of the finest marriage jokes that are sure to make even Grandma’s giggle.

You May Also Be Interested In:

• romance jokes
• husband and wife jokes

Table of Contents

Best Wedding Jokes

So you’ve been invited to make a wedding toast. First and foremost, congratulations! It’s evident that you mean a lot to the couple, and that they trust you to speak on their behalf in front of all who has ever mattered to them.

But you are going to need some amazing marriage jokes to incorporate into your speech. Here are some of the best wedding jokes for you.

If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married. In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then, weddings have been held there. Times haven’t changed at all! Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” And the husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.” They married for better or for worse. He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse! When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Well, what can I tell you about the groom? I’ve known him for about 10 years, he’s handsome, intelligent, witty, charismatic. Sorry, wrong wedding. Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other. Marriage is like a bar of soap. It smells delicious until you take a bite out of it! All marriages are mixed marriages. Q: Why was that man twisting the wedding ring on his finger? A: He was trying to figure out the combination. There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again? Arguing with your wife/husband is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end, you just give up and go ‘I agree.’ By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.  If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Funny Wedding Jokes

This list of funny wedding jokes has it all, from wedding jokes to share with a groom on his big day to delightfully accurate sayings about matrimony that all ladies will understand to the perfect marriage jokes for a wedding speech or toast. ‎

I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother. “Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t.” Marriage is like going to a restaurant. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that. Men are like buses. They have spare tires and smell funny. My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did, I asked him why he was ignoring me. Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages. Need I say more Wife: “Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?” Husband: “How can I? I don’t even know her.” Why can’t a vampire see his bride on the wedding day? Because an open casket ceremony costs more. The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. The secret to having your husband come home from work on time? Tell him sex starts at 6 P.M. sharp—whether he’s there or not. At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets. Marriage is like a video game. Starts off easy, then gets harder, and eventually you go online and find a way to cheat. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. The very next day he received hundreds of letters that all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’ Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific. If I have to choose between a husband and shoes, I choose shoes. They tend to last longer and are easier to replace. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.” Husband: “Why do you keep reading our marriage license?” Wife: “I’m looking for a loophole.” Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure, what are my choices? Wife: Yes and no. My wife keeps telling everyone that she can read their minds, but she never can. She’s telepathetic. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Clever Wedding Jokes

Let us now go through some clever wedding jokes. While these lighthearted marriage quips and jokes may make a mockery of your marriage status, they are merely meant to be amusing—while also trying to make light of how difficult married life may be at times. ‎

It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either. What’s the difference between a prostitute and a wife? A wife accepts credit cards. Any husband who says, ‘My wife and I are completely equal partners’, is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. (Giving a wedding speech) “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who finish what they start…” (walks off) What’s the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks. Of course, the groom has always been incredibly image conscious, but this morning was particularly bad – he spent three hours in the bathroom! To get an idea of what that’s like, why not agree to make a wedding speech? Why did Comic Sans break up with Times New Roman? He just wasn’t her type. My husband cooks for me like I’m a god—by placing burnt offerings before me every night. Whenever my wife packs me a salad for lunch all I wanna know is what I did wrong. The Groom has informed me that the buffet this evening is charged on a cost-per-head basis. So, on his behalf, I’d like to thank the following people for not coming… Husband: “Just once I wish you’d admit I’m right! Wife: “Just once, I wish you’d admit you’re wrong! Husband: “Fine! I’m wrong!” Wife: “Finally, something you’re right about!” The groom is a very talented man. Very talented indeed … He’s a gifted inventor, a shrewd businessman, a deep thinker and a noted connoisseur of the arts. He’s so talented he can fake all of that. Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just didn’t have that spark.

One Liner Wedding Jokes

It never hurts to start your wedding speech with some of the one liner wedding jokes, whether you’re the best man, maid of honor, or master of ceremonies. Select from our best-ever wedding jokes one-liners to thrash the happy couple before toasting them! ‎

May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin? As Bill and Ted once said: ‘Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.’ My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment. Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash. Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes. How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free. It’s true that all men are born free and equal – but some of them get married. A good marriage is like a casserole: only those responsible for it really know what goes into it. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Marriage is something that puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under a man’s eyes. They’ve been together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus! Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web. If at first you don’t succeed…try doing it the way your wife told you. The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.

Short Wedding Jokes

The most essential thing to remember about marriage speeches is that the finest ones are both sincere and humorous—and, most significantly, they last less than five minutes. So make use of these short wedding jokes in your speech.

May your children be blessed with rich parents. A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job. What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. My wife says I’m too competitive. I told her I already knew that. If I could just say a few words, I’d be a better public speaker! Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence…a life sentence! Get a new car for your spouse – it’ll be a great trade! My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9. May the most you wish for be the least you get. Just listen up while I tell you about this couple, and I’ll make it seem like the shortest 45 minutes of your life Wife renewed me for another season. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent. Marriage is like deleting all the apps on your phone except one. A wise man once said, “I don’t know… ask my wife.” Girlfriend: “Honey, will you give me a ring on our wedding day?” Boyfriend: “Sure, what’s your number?” May all of your ups and downs be only in the bedroom. Why doesn’t our society let a man marry two wives? Because our laws protect us from cruel and unusual punishment.

Clean Wedding Jokes

To help you chuckle, we’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite clean wedding jokes below. Feel free to steal freely and mix and match these jokes as required to make your speech truly sparkle! ‎

May your household multiply, and may your hearts never be divided. Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to Ikea on a Saturday with an empty stomach is not. This couple was married for 67 years. I asked them that if, in all those years, had they ever thought of divorce. “Heavens no,” she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.” Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors and don’t work half the time! To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job. He still ends up with the same boss. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. If your husband tells you you’re being too dramatic, don’t forget to bow when you thank him. For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!” Stewardess: “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, but we left your wife behind in London.” Mr. Smith: “Thank goodness! I thought I was going deaf!” Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come! Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you. Marriage is full of surprises but it’s mostly just asking each other, “Do you have to do that right now?” Every man and woman should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. I’d now like to focus on the groom for a moment. Enjoy it, mate. After today, this is the last time you’ll ever be the center of attention. Just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings. You’ll know you’ve mastered marriage when you ask your spouse to hand you ‘that thingy’ over there and they know exactly what you mean. The groom is the kind of guy you don’t have to worry about introducing your parents to. That’s why (Bride) didn’t worry about introducing (Groom) to hers until today.

Dirty Wedding Jokes

No need to fret if you aren’t the most comic person in the world; here are some dirty wedding jokes that may be used in the best man or chief maid of honor speech. ‎

As I performed a simple medical procedure on my patient, I warned her, “After this, you can’t have sex for at least three days.” “Did you hear that?” she asked her husband. “No sex for three days.” “I heard,” he said. “But she was speaking to you.” How is a wife like bacon? They both look, smell, and taste amazing. They also both slowly kill you. Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next!” How is a wife like a freezer? It takes hours of defrosting to get either really wet. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her. What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Find a woman who can cook and clean. A woman who’s an animal in bed. A woman with lots of money. Make sure these three women never meet. Wife: “I love you.” Husband: “Is that you or the wine talking?” Wife: “It’s me. Talking to the wine.” What does every heterosexual man realize ten years into marriage? Why “gay” also means happy. What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be? A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day. How does a man really satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa.

Wedding Jokes for MC

While random jokes are fun, making your wedding toasts personalized or even presenting wedding jokes for MC you know from the couple being married is usually a smart idea. Here are a few of them for you. ‎

Marriage is becoming more and more progressive. I hear two scoutmasters decided to tie the knot. You can end your toast by saying: “Bob, take Susie’s hand and place your hand over her’s. Now, remember and cherish this very moment… because this is the last time you are ever going to have the upper hand!” This couple was married for 67 years. The husband/wife was asked if in all those years had they ever thought of divorce. “Heavens no,” he/she replied. “Murder, yes. But never divorce.” Self Defence They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one. Grooms, once you marry, please remember that whenever you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember these two last words: “Yes dear” My wife says I never listen, or something like that. Marriage Is an Institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters. Two cannon balls got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs. 10 Years When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.  But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb? He promised, “I’ll never part with it!” Incomplete Man A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married. The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing. Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.

Wedding Jokes for Speech

While you’ll want to go deeply into your own recollections and sentiments for the pair for the poignant portions, zingers aren’t always easy to come by. You are going to need some wedding jokes for speech. Here are some wedding speech jokes that you may find amusing.

What do late nights, wild parties, and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those things from now on. But congratulations on your wedding! It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers. Ladies and Gentlemen: you are all about to witness a unique event in history. The very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, you’re either me (because I am) or you just married (groom’s name). Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree, But if, perchance, we ever do, Then here’s to me, and to hell with you. IN LOVING MEMORY… Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 200 chickens, countless carnations, delphiniums, lilies and roses who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible. Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!” For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering! Let’s raise our glasses to the two secrets of a long-lasting marriage: a good sense of humor, and a short memory. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are “I apologize” and “You are right.” I’m not a yes man to my wife – when she says no, I say no. It’s not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets. May you never lie, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. And if you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds! We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall. She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vows – she said “What’s all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?” Now, let’s raise our glasses to the happy couple. I actually like both of you—do you have any idea how rare that is? Two florists recently got married. It was an arranged marriage. We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone, whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. They married for better or for worse – He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse! Darling, tonight you will sink into my arms and tomorrow your arms will be in my sink. Marriages are made in heaven. Then again, so are thunder, lightning, tornadoes, and hail.

Wedding Jokes for Best Man

One of the finest methods to deliver a wedding speech is to tell jokes and stories. If you have the honor of giving a speech, you can add some fun and spice to it with best man speech jokes. The more witty your wedding speech, the more memorable it will be. So here are some best man jokes for you.

Never laugh at your spouse’s choices. Remember: they also chose you. Cheers! The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it. Being asked to be someone’s best man is like being called up for jury duty. Overheard at my garden-club meeting: “I never knew what compost was until I met my husband.” I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take. The husband gives and the wife takes. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Final Thoughts on Wedding Jokes

Getting married is a super important, but it’s also a moment to have fun and laugh at the absurdity of it all. It’s called an “establishment” for a reason, after all.

If you’re sick of hearing about love and marriage, you’ll appreciate the funniest wedding jokes we’ve shared with you. ‎ Getting married is exciting, but it’s also likely the biggest party you’ll ever throw.

Weddings are lovely, but they wouldn’t be possible without a little elbow grease, hard labor, and one or two catastrophes. So, if you’re getting married soon, these marriage jokes will undoubtedly help you de-stress. ‎

Wedding jokes are simply smart and amusing statements about marriage and relationships. There should be some genuineness in what you say, especially when offering advice, congratulations, and good wishes to the newlyweds.

In any event, including these wedding speech jokes is a terrific approach to engage the audience and make this portion of the ceremony unforgettable.

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The Ultimate Guide to Groom Wedding Speeches: 25+ Examples,Jokes and quotes for Inspiration

Of all the speeches given at a wedding, the groom's speech is arguably the most anticipated. It's a chance for the groom to express his love and gratitude to his new spouse, as well as thank those who made the day possible. But crafting a memorable groom wedding speech can be a daunting task. That's why we've created this complete guide to help you through the process. In this post, we'll provide you with expert tips, ideas, and real-life examples to inspire your own speech. Whether you're a seasoned public speaker or this is your first time addressing a crowd, this guide will help you deliver a heartfelt and memorable groom wedding speech. So, let's get started!

Preparing for the Groom Wedding Speech

Structure of a groom wedding speech, dos and don'ts of a groom wedding speech, best examples of groom wedding speech, groom speech jokes, groom speech quotes.

Preparing for a groom wedding speech involves three key steps: brainstorming, writing the speech, and practicing the speech.

• Brainstorming. The first step is to brainstorm some ideas. Think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Consider your relationship with your bride, your family and friends, and the wedding day itself. Jot down some notes and ideas that come to mind.
• Writing the Speech. Once you have some ideas, it's time to write the speech. Begin by creating an outline that includes the key points you want to cover. Use the outline to structure your speech and ensure that you cover everything you want to say. Remember to keep it concise, heartfelt, and engaging.
• Practicing the Speech. The final step is to practice the speech. Practice in front of a mirror, or better yet, in front of a trusted friend or family member. This will help you become more comfortable and confident with the speech. Also, pay attention to your timing and delivery. Practice speaking slowly and clearly, and make sure your speech doesn't drag on too long.

Now let's take a closer look at the structure of a groom wedding speech. Here are the key elements that you should include in your speech:

• Opening Lines.  Start with a warm welcome to all the guests and thank them for joining you on this special day. This will set the tone for your speech and make the guests feel appreciated.
• Thanking the Guests.  Next, express your gratitude to the guests for being a part of your wedding day. This can be a simple but heartfelt thank you for their presence and support.
• Thanking the Family.  Thank your family members for their love and support. This is a good opportunity to acknowledge your parents and any siblings or other family members who played a significant role in your life.
• Acknowledging the Bride.  Acknowledge your new bride and express your love and appreciation for her. This is the most important part of your speech and should be the main focus. Share a personal story or a special memory that you have shared together. This will show the guests the depth of your love and affection for your bride.
• Sharing Personal Stories.  Share some personal stories about your relationship with your bride. This can be funny or touching, but make sure it is appropriate for the occasion. This will help to make your speech more memorable and engaging for the guests.
• Expressing Gratitude.  Express gratitude to anyone who played a role in making the wedding day special. This can include the wedding planner, caterer, florist, or anyone else who helped to make the day a success.
• Closing Lines.  Finally, close your speech by thanking the guests once again and expressing your excitement for the future. This is a good opportunity to toast to your new life together as a married couple.

There are some dos and don'ts that you should keep in mind when preparing for your groom wedding speech. Here are some key points to consider:

• Be sincere and speak from the heart.
• Make eye contact with the guests to help connect with them.
• Use appropriate humor to make your speech engaging and enjoyable.
• Keep your speech concise and to the point.
• Drink too much before your speech as it may lead to slurred words or inappropriate behavior.
• Use offensive language or jokes that may offend some guests.
• Share embarrassing stories that may embarrass your bride or anyone else.
• Make your speech too long as guests may lose interest.

1. "Dear friends and family, it is an honor to stand before you today as the luckiest man in the world. I want to take a moment to thank all of you for being here to celebrate with us. Your love, support, and presence mean the world to us, and we are so grateful to have you in our lives. And speaking of special, let me tell you a little bit about my bride. [Bride's name], you are the love of my life, my best friend, and my partner in all of life's adventures. From the moment I met you, I knew you were the one for me. You light up my world, and I am forever grateful for the day you walked into my life.I remember the first time I saw you, [Bride's name], it was like time stood still. Your beauty, grace, and kind heart left me speechless. And as we got to know each other, I fell more deeply in love with you with each passing day. From our first date to our first kiss, from our travels around the world to the quiet moments we share at home, every moment with you is a treasure.Today marks the beginning of our new journey together, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds. Thank you all for being here to celebrate with us. Cheers to love, happiness, and a lifetime of unforgettable memories." 2. "Ladies and gentlemen, today is the happiest day of my life. I am standing here as the luckiest man in the world, grateful for the opportunity to marry my soulmate, [Bride's name]. This is a day we will cherish forever, and I want to express my gratitude to everyone who has made it possible.To our family and friends, thank you for your love, support, and presence. Your kindness and generosity mean the world to us, and we are so grateful to have you in our lives. Today is not just about us, it's about all of us, coming together to celebrate love, happiness, and unity. And speaking of love, let me tell you a little bit about my bride. [Bride's name], you are my soulmate, my best friend, and my partner in all things. I cannot imagine my life without you, and I am grateful every day for the love you bring into my world. You inspire me to be a better person, and I am honored to stand here today as your husband.I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. I was drawn to your beauty and your infectious smile. As we got to know each other, I realized that there was so much more to you than just your looks. You are kind, smart, and funny, and I am grateful every day that I get to call you mine. From the first time we said 'I love you' to the moment I proposed, every moment with you has been a blessing.Today marks the beginning of our new journey together, and I vow to love, honor, and cherish her for all eternity. Thank you all for being here to celebrate with us. Let's raise a glass to love, happiness, and a lifetime of unforgettable memories." 3. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I want to start by thanking you all for being here today to celebrate with us. And let me just say, [Bride's name], you look absolutely stunning. Seriously though, thank you all for coming today. We couldn't have done this without you. And to our parents, thank you for all the love, support, and guidance you've given us throughout our lives. You've helped shape us into the people we are today, and we're so grateful for everything you've done.Now, let's talk about the real star of the show - my amazing bride, [Bride's name]. You make me laugh, you make me smile, and you make me happier than I ever thought possible. I'm pretty sure you're the reason why they invented the word 'awesome'. You are my rock, my soulmate, and my everything.We've had some incredible adventures together, from hiking through the mountains to exploring new cities. But some of my favorite memories are the small moments we share at home, like cuddling up on the couch to watch our favorite shows or cooking dinner together. I'm grateful for every moment we spend together, and I'm excited to spend the rest of my life making more memories with you.I just want to say how grateful I am to be marrying [Bride's name]. She is the love of my life, my partner in crime, and my best friend. Together, we're going to conquer the world. So let's raise a glass to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Cheers!" 4. "Dear friends and family, I stand before you today with a heart full of love and gratitude. Today is a special day.I want to take a moment to thank our families for their unwavering support and love. Mom and Dad, thank you for raising me to be the man I am today, and for always being there for me. [Bride's parents], thank you for welcoming me into your family and for raising such an amazing daughter. And to our friends and loved ones, thank you for being here today to celebrate with us. Your love and support mean the world to us. And as I look at my beautiful bride, I know that I've found my forever. [Bride's name], you are the most amazing person I've ever met, and I feel so lucky to call you my wife. You make me a better person every single day, and I promise to love and cherish you for the rest of my life.As we start this new chapter of our lives together, I vow to always be there for you, to support you, and to love you with all my heart. You are my best friend, my soulmate, and my everything. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. Thank you all for being here to celebrate with us. Let's raise a glass to love, happiness, and forever. Cheers." 5. "Dear family and friends, I feel incredibly lucky to be standing here today as a married man. It's a surreal feeling, knowing that I have found my soulmate and partner for life. Thank you all for joining us in this celebration.I would like to take a moment to thank our parents for their endless love and support. We would not be the people we are today without you. To our friends and family, thank you for traveling from near and far to be here with us. Your presence means the world to us.To my beautiful bride, I can't even put into words how much you mean to me. You are my best friend, my partner, my confidante, and my soulmate. I love you more than words can express, and I'm grateful every day to wake up next to you. You make me a better man, and I promise to spend the rest of my life making you happy.As we start this new chapter in our lives together, I promise to always love, cherish, and support you. I'm excited to see what the future holds for us, and I can't wait to grow old with you. Thank you again to everyone who came out to celebrate with us today. Let's raise a glass to love, laughter, and happily ever after."

• "I'm honored to be here today as the groom. And just between us, I'm pretty sure I won the 'best looking' contest between the bride and I. (pause for laughter)
• "I've heard that a good marriage is like a casserole. It takes both ingredients to make it work, and sometimes it's a little messy, but it's always worth it in the end."
• "As I was writing this speech, I asked my wife what she wanted me to say. She replied, 'just make sure you say I'm always right.' So, there you have it, folks. My wife is always right."
• "I've learned that the key to a successful marriage is to always be honest with your partner. For example, when my wife asks if she looks fat in a dress, I always say, 'of course not, honey, you look beautiful.' (pause for laughter)
• "I never believed in love at first sight, until I met my wife. Of course, she thought I was the waiter when we first met, but that's a story for another time."
• "I want to thank my in-laws for accepting me into their family. I promise to always treat your daughter with love and respect, and to never borrow money from you."
• "I used to think that marriage was like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. But now I realize that marriage is more like a pizza. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good." (pause for laughter)
• "I've been told that marriage is a lot like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. But by the end, you're hoping for a club and a spade." (pause for laughter)
• "I never thought I'd be standing here as a married man. I always assumed I'd be the one in the back of the room, catching the bouquet."
• "I want to thank my groomsmen for their support and friendship over the years. You guys are like the brothers I never wanted, but now can't live without."
• "I was a little nervous about giving this speech, but then I remembered that my wife promised not to correct my grammar in public anymore. So, I'm pretty much invincible up here."
• "In closing, I just want to say how grateful I am to have found my soulmate in [bride's name]. She's beautiful, intelligent, and always keeps me on my toes. And now that we're married, I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her, and annoying her in all the best ways possible."
• "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
• "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short."
• "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds."
• "Marriage is a journey that begins in forever and ends in never."
• "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
• "I choose you. And I'll choose you over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I'll keep choosing you."
• "Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction."
• 8. "Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it's about finding the person you can't live without."
• "A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers."
• "A marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's the way you love your partner every day."
• "Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner."
• "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

Your groom wedding speech is an important part of your wedding day. It's a chance for you to express your love and appreciation for your partner, and to thank your family and friends for being a part of your special day. With the help of this complete guide to groom wedding speeches, you should now have all the information you need to prepare and deliver an amazing speech.

Remember to take your time when preparing your speech, and to practice it as much as possible. Try to incorporate personal stories and anecdotes to make your speech more meaningful and memorable. And don't forget to include some jokes and quotes to lighten the mood and show your personality.

Lastly, remember that your wedding day is a celebration of your love and commitment to each other. Don't stress too much about your speech – just speak from the heart and enjoy the moment. Congratulations on your wedding day, and good luck with your speech!

If you're in need of more examples of wedding speeches, the following content may be helpful to you.

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The Anatomy of a Good Wedding Speech Joke: Here’s How to Make It Funny

Someone dear to your heart is getting married soon, and you’ve been asked to give a speech on their wedding day. We know that can be terrifying if you’re not used to public speaking—just finding the right words can be a struggle, let alone actually saying them. So you might be feeling a bit nervous about how to craft the perfect wedding speech .

Those of you with a strong sense of humor may be considering a few jokes for your wedding speech. Wedding speech jokes can help create an unforgettable, enjoyable toast, but you have to be careful not to offend .

That said, here are some tips on how to make your wedding speech funny—in the right way. Read this, and you’ll be delivering your wedding speech like a pro in no time.

Our Top 12 Tips for a Good Wedding Speech Joke

When it comes to a wedding speech, it is vital that you are yourself. You don’t have to imitate Dave Chappelle or Adam Sandler—in fact, that would probably be kind of awkward. Instead, give yourself permission to be you . Doing so will help make you feel relaxed and comfortable during the speech. It might even help you have some fun.

Be Prepared

Sure, you could just get up and wing it, throwing any jokes you can come up with on the fly at the guests. But we’re sure you’ll agree that that could turn disastrous pretty quickly. So we suggest preparing for your speech, and here are a few ways to do it.

Your preparation should include:

• Do research: One great way to prepare yourself for delivering a funny wedding speech is to ask family and friends for funny stories. These can be the best wedding speech jokes because they’re true, making them likely to resonate with the guests.
• Make notes: You can keep notes on cue cards while delivering a wedding speech—in fact, we recommend it. Wedding speeches are usually concise, only about 2 to 3 minutes, but getting off track can be easy. So, you should at least write down the key points you want to address.
• Rehearse: Don’t give your speech for the first time in front of the assembled guests. First, rehearse and practice your wedding speech in front of the mirror or in front of friends and family. Then, ask for suggestions on the content, pace, and ways to make it more unique and funny.

Have a Focus

If your goal is to provide a captivating and funny wedding speech, remember to have an angle. What do we mean by that? Well, for starters, you might want to think about your role in the wedding party. For example:

• The bride’s father might want to focus on cute and funny things that happened when the bride was young. Maybe there was a hilarious event when she tried to take her puppy to school in her backpack!
• The groom might have had an embarrassing first encounter with the bride that he can use to frame his speech. If he’s brave, he might even make fun of his bride by bringing up one of her funny habits, the first time he met her dad, or something silly that happened to them as a couple. Just make sure not to embarrass anyone if you do this!
• The best man will probably want to use the angle of his shared history with the groom. For example, he might decide to talk about a time when the groom was anxious to talk to girls in high school.

Make the Guest Participate

Audience participation is one easy way to make a speech more fun. Unfortunately, most speakers make the mistake of delivering a monologue instead. This kind of speech runs the risk of being tedious and less entertaining, which is the opposite of a funny wedding speech!

Instead, try to make the other guests participate by asking witty questions. For example, if you are the best man, you might ask the bride something like, “what annoys you the most about the love of your life?” If you can make the bride giggle at her own wedding, the guests are more likely to start laughing too.

Ask the “Right” Questions

Getting the audience to participate is one thing. Asking awkward and inappropriate questions is another. So make sure to choose your questions carefully.

Above all, avoid questions that trigger trauma, bring up controversial subjects, or otherwise make people feel uneasy. Questions about ex-lovers, dreadful events, embarrassing stories, and drunken nights probably aren’t good either. These kinds of questions can turn a glamorous wedding into a gloomy one real quick.

Don’t Go Overboard

If you must take alcohol to ease your nerves, keep the drinking minimal until after your funny wedding speech. Alcohol affects your impulses, and that can make you go overboard with your questions or ramble on uncontrollably.

If you decide to tease the couple, keep it light, harmless, and brief. Jokes about their taste in music or food are normally okay. Choose something relatable that can easily cheer up the crowd and get them laughing.

Make References

Being relatable can be tricky if you don’t know a lot of the guests, but it works like magic when you get it right. You might want to reference a scene or character from a popular movie, TV series, or book that others are likely to know. Another strategy is to bring up a funny event in the news that everyone remembers.

Just make sure to find out a bit about the guests ahead of time if you want this to work. Doing a bit of research will help you come up with a reference they can relate to.

Poke Fun at Yourself

We all love self-deprecating jokes, don’t we? Especially when they walk us down memory lane. Besides, making a joke at your own expense can be a way to make the bride or groom look good, and everyone at a wedding loves that.

For example, if you are the best man , you might want to talk about a time when the groom beat you at chess effortlessly. Just make sure to maintain a funny and casual tone so that no one thinks you’re still holding a grudge!

Use a Picture Prop

It is no secret that pictures can play a significant role in telling stories, so having a video presentation can add to your hilarious wedding speech. In addition, having a collection of old photos from childhood, high school, or when the couple started dating can help get your points across.

But if you want to wow the guests and create an absolutely hysterical wedding speech, check out this example of a great speech on YouTube. It’s genuine, unique, and relatable because it focuses on an experience the groom and best man shared. This guy totally killed it!

Don’t Be Afraid to Show a Little Vulnerability

If this is your first time delivering a wedding speech, you might slip up. You might stumble over your words or utter something ridiculous. But that is okay. Chances are, the things you said might end up being funny to the wedding guests.

Also, don’t be afraid to show a side of you that few people have seen before. Maybe you have a hidden talent, or perhaps you’ve been told that you dance funny. Often, the things that feel embarrassing to you will cheer up the crowd and entertain them.

Remember: it might feel scary, but you’re doing this for people you love. Your unique personality might be the best wedding gift you can give.

Consider Doing an Impression

Mimicking the groom and the bride can be a little risky, but it’s also potentially very funny.

You might want to wait until they have a reaction to something else in your speech, then playfully poke fun at their mannerisms.

Remember not to be rude—for example, don’t make fun of tics or their physical appearance. But when done right, this is a surefire way to make a wedding speech funny.

End On a Good Note

Once you’ve made it through most of your speech, the last thing to do is end on a good note. If you’re the father of the bride , you might complete your speech with something cute and sweet, like saying that even though your baby girl is now a married woman, she will always be your baby. If you are the best man, you might make a toast to the couples.

With these tips, we believe you can develop a funny and memorable wedding speech that the couple will be proud of and the guests will love. While there are no ironclad recipes for a funny wedding speech, it’s not that difficult at the end of the day. Just infuse some creativity into your wedding speech, be personable and authentic, and don’t embarrass anyone.

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In This Article

How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech

Funny speeches writing tips.

• Best Man Funny Wedding Speeches
• Maid Of Honor Wedding Speeches
• Funny Groom Wedding Speeches
• Funny Bride Wedding Speeches
• Funny Wedding Speeches For All Guests
• Wedding Party & Reception

Best Funny Wedding Speeches Examples You Can Use

videostudiorobertomarchionne via Instagram

Funny wedding speeches – are the best way to keep the guests engaged and everyone relaxed and happy. “While you might face some challenges in writing the perfect variant, they are always worth it in the end. First, a funny wedding speech seems shorter than it actually is. Time flies by when the audience is having fun. Second, it’s more memorable. Think of the wedding speeches you can remember and it’s most likely going to be the one that had everyone laughing (or theone that lasted what seemed like for ever with no jokes).” , – Marc Blakewill , an experienced speech writer.

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Give your listeners a laugh or two with these hilarious and witty wedding speech samples, and the tips you need to make your own.

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It can seem daunting, but it’s worth spending the time and effort to make your wedding speech both heartfelt and funny. With the professional guidance of Marc Blakewill , an expert in crafting wedding speeches, you can navigate this with ease. Follow Marc’s detailed instructions, and you’ll confidently deliver a speech that resonates with sincerity and humor.

So, how best to write a funny wedding speech?

Tone and style

• Mix the heartfelt and comedic – even if you want a speech that is funny from top to bottom, do include the sincere and heartfelt. Think of it like setting off the colour of a precious stone in a ring. With a bit of sentiment, you get more comedic dazzle.
• Match it to your personality – if you’re not a natural joke-teller, don’t feel the need to have lots of one-liners in your speech. Focus more on light-hearted stories. Something that sounds like you will be more memorable and valued by the guests. It’s also easier to be “you”!
• Keep it as original as you can – avoid the temptation to use old jokes from the internet. They tend to stick out like sore thumbs. If you’re not confident in writing one of your own, using one near the top as an icebreaker is fine. Any more than that and you’re in danger of becoming a cliché-delivery system.

It’s time to treat the blank screen or piece of paper as your friend. It’s your speech and you have the freedom to craft it how you want. How wonderful is that! So, here are some pointers on how to generate funny wedding speech ideas.

• The location or venue – is there a joke about how far people have had to travel or how much difficulty they had finding the venue? Is the venue so posh and glamourous you thought you’d be refused entry?
• Topical – has there just been a national celebration or sporting triumph that this wedding totally eclipses? Even if it’s a small gathering, don’t be afraid to praise the occasion to the skies. Everyone loves to feel part of something special.
• How you met – was it at work, at college, in a bar? Bring this to life. What were your first impressions and have they been confirmed? If you’re Father of the Bride, you could talk about the day of your daughter’s birth. How you bravely dealt with all the pain and stress!
• How long have you known each other – if it’s a long time, why not draw a parallel with something historical? Has your friendship or relationship outlasted the terms of several presidents?
• Link the past to the present – did the bride or groom do something as a child or teenager that might explain their current career or lifestyle? Did the accident-prone kid become a nurse or doctor? Did the wannabe popstar end up as an accountant?
• Everyday things – does the groom or bride have any weird hobbies you could mention? Or maybe a funny turn-of-phrase? Do they insist on checking the front door is locked three.times before leaving their home? You don’t need outlandish stories. Their everyday life and everyday behaviour can be a great source of humour.
• Spoof marriage advice – if you’re the Best Man or Father of the Bride, you could give a few pieces of quick, silly advice. Personalise it to the couple and you’ll get instant recognition and laughs. Fun areas could include: too much time on the golf course; shopping like there’s no tomorrow and there’s no credit card bill; forgiving each other’s faults – the ones they can reveal now they’re married!
• The simpler the better – your speech really can be as simple as beginning, middle and end. Warm everyone up with some opening fun remarks or jokes, make a few thanks and welcomes (not needed if you’re the Best Man), tell your main stories then finish with some more sentimental moments and a toast.
• Link your stories – a speech that flows is more likely to get laughs. So, ensure your stories come in a natural order. This could be in time order or linked by theme e.g. group the groom’s silly little ways together, the bride’s changing childhood ambitions, etc.

Polishing it

• Writing is rewriting – the illusion of a great speech is that it came fully formed from the writer’s head. It didn’t. It was written then re-written. So, put your first draft away and come back to it at least one or two more times. You’ll spot the stuff that doesn’t work in a heartbeat.
• If you’re not sure of a line, lose it – be strict here. if you’re doubtful when reading it in the comfort of your living room, imagine how you’ll feel in front of an audience. The best speeches are the ones that have had dodgy lines surgically removed.
• Read it out loud – this is the best way to find out how your speech flows. Did it feel awkward jumping from one section to another? Tweak it. Did a line leave your breathless as you struggled to the end? Shorten it. Did a joke make your smile as you read it? Keep it! Your voice is a free resource, so use it.

What To Joke About In Wedding Speech?

cassievalentephoto via Instagram

It can be quite tricky giving your wedding speech and knowing what to say and when. With funny wedding speeches, it is also important to know where to draw the line with jokes. Below you will find a few helpful tips.

• Select your target and build your premise around them. Funny wedding speeches may center on the strict dad, sweet daughter or straight-faced groom. The point is to keep the humor affectionate and leave heartwarming tributes towards the end.
• Put down everything that comes to mind when you think about your target in writing. It may be their taste in music, best foods, stand out qualities, weird dress sense or obsession.
• Turn these qualities into comedic characters. Is the groom obsessed with keeping tidy while the bride can’t account for one leg of her shoes? Will the groom do a double-take to the prices at flea markets while the bride spends like a Kardashian? Work with their contrasts.
• Tell the guests something they don’t already know about the couple. Did the groom win a ballet competition as a teenager? Did the bride do street rap in college? Genuinely amazing yet unlikely skills for such a sophisticated couple to make funny jokes.
• Exaggerate these happenings a little. If the couple is great or bad at a thing, then exaggerate a bit. For instance, if the groom is great at soccer, say something like, “his left leg has more coordination than New York’s traffic.”
• Involve the guests. You could start with a comical question that includes them or mention something funny about the bride or groom.
• Don’t forget the toast. You could insert a funny wedding quote here, would be all the better.

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If your role involves you giving a speech at a wedding, use these tips as a general guideline.

• Acknowledge the crowd: It is important to recognize your audience, make them a part of your speech.
• Backstories: While introducing yourself, you could chip in how you know the couple, if there’s a comical story there, you could add that too.
• Get the guests involved: Whether you’re giving funny wedding speeches as the best man or maid of honor, involving the guests is always a good idea. You could ask them a funny question that loosens them up.
• Take a walk down memory lane: Say something about the groom or even the couple. It might have been a double date or your first meeting, but anecdotes make the best jokes when they are pulled from the truth.
• Make fun of yourself: Be self-deprecating. If you are able to laugh at yourself, others will too.
• Poke fun at the couple: Tease the couple, but lightly. Be careful not to cross any lines, such as talking about any of their exes or anything that could be embarrassing.
• Make it quick: Try to keep your speech under seven minutes. Short is best, but not too short that you barely say a thing.
• End on a high note: Get the audience on their feet as you raise a toast to the couple.

Best Man Funny Wedding Speeches Examples

If you are the best man, chances are that you share a stronger bond with the husband than the wife. Hence, the funny wedding speeches best man gives are what we call the “guys talk”, which is more concentrated on the groom. He surely has more to say about the groom than the bride, but a good speech creates a balance. He must take notice and acknowledge the bride, letting her know how sweet her groom is.

“Afford me the grace to welcome everyone here today for coming all the way to celebrate Emerald and James. It’s an honor to stand in for my brother today as his best man, and my name is Joshua. My dad is quite fascinated with the letter “J”. Our other two brothers are Julius and Jefferson (shakes head). Before I start, I want to acknowledge that my brother can be quite a stunner when he cleans up. Just.look.at.him… And the bride? Who has seen a vision more beautiful? Okay, I have a bragging right, and that’s the fact that I brought this couple together. I think I deserve an extra flute of wine. It happened on one of our many adventures at fishing, we met this beauty, my new sister. My brother was so shy he pushed me to talk to her. I think he was fascinated that a lady fishes with such expertise. Well, we chatted, and I pulled my brother into the chat. We realized that she’s blunt, sweet, smart, and funny. For a laid-back brother, I knew she is the one that can bring him out of his shell. I told him there and then to go see her father. But I think I lost my brother in the process. He never called me to fish anymore, he went with her instead (sad face). Yet, I’m the happiest today (grins). She brings out the light in his eyes. From fishing to grape picking, and many months later, you’re permanently locked together. My brother, the calm level headed genius, selfless and serious, sweet and generous, finds a wife. Who would have thought? James never had time for these things, but see! I’d die a happy man. Both of you are meant for each other, and I pray the love that binds you never breaks. Be each other’s solace always, and no mountain will be too high. I love you, brother, and I adore you, my sister. Happy married life!”

Funny Quotes For Wedding Speeches From Maid Of Honor

The maid of honor and the bride share a great relationship that’s why she snagged the MOH spot. So, we are in for one of the most hilarious wedding speeches because there’s a lot to tell. From growing up to going through life and all the escapades, the maid of honor speech is a funny yet emotional one.

The maid of honor uses every information and public worthy stories at her disposal to pay tribute to the bride. She also goes ahead to mention the groom to understand his luck, even as she makes the guests laugh. See the perfect example below.

“It’s my sincere pleasure to welcome everyone here today. In case you don’t know me, I’m Mackenzie, the maid of honor and bride’s best friend. But I know practically everyone here today. So, I and my friend, the bride (Emerald) made a pact many years ago that we’d be each other’s maid of honor. She said even if we were pregnant and ready to pop, we’d still fill that slot for each other (smiles). Well, here I am today, after many years fulfilling that duty, because that sweet man swept her off her feet. In truth, I don’t know how I and Emerald remain, friends since we met in college. Our meeting is a story for another day. On many occasions, she has left me at the market to go back home, because she simply hates the market. Then I get back home stressed after doing a good deed of handling both our shopping. But she burns my hands with a spoon because I want to pick one slice of beef as she cooks… So much for appreciation. Well, she’s the cook between the two of us anyway. But she compensates with some sweetness. She doesn’t ever want to see me sad, she’d give me a million slices of beef instead. All the fun times we’ve shared as we comfort each other by visiting our favorite snack spot. Times we’ve shared heartfelt talks amidst laughter while munching chips as we watch that your program into the night. I don’t know how I survived to watch that stuff. Yet, you’re everything Emerald, everything and more. Like your name, you’re loyal, peaceful, faithful, balance and love unconditionally. That I am resilient, selfless, upright and emphatic is because of you. I hope you take these qualities even as you forge on in life. I’m sure that you’ll have a successful love life and domestic bliss like your name symbolizes. I love you bestie, you don’t know how much. James (groom), you’ve found a treasure in her, I tell you. Kindly make sure you wipe the kitchen work table clean after use because if she sees it dirty, you don’t want to find out… Remember, for better or worse doesn’t mean you should hurt each other. It means you’ll hold on to each other no matter what life throws at you. Hold steadfast unto each other. Today, I wish you life’s best, and I send you forth with all my Love.”

Funny Grooms Wedding Speeches

Pass around the tissue box guys, because a well thought out groom speech will get you teary. How so? A lot of men don’t do the emotional thing, because they come across as hardcore. But watching a man look at his bride with so much love in his eyes, saying such sweet things about them… Ah!

He talks about his search, possibly many disappointments, love at first sight, or unlikely circumstances to meeting her. Then he injects humor in his speech. Maybe their first date, things they do together, etc. Everyone smiles through their tears. See an amazing template example.

“Let me start by welcoming everyone to this blissful occasion of my wedding. If you’re wondering why I’m nervous… Well, I’m the groom, and the bills for one makes me nervous. We just love you all so much and wish you shared in our day, that we made a long guest list. That’s some bill we raked. Again, Emerald says I don’t listen, so I’m being very careful with what I say right now. I don’t want to spend my first day of married life in the dog house. But you see, I have a beautiful bride, so it’s enough to calm me. Talking about beauty, Emerald is beautiful, both in and out. And I’d say I’m the luckiest and most blessed man on the planet. I mean, who’d spill his drink on a siren, without getting a slap? I did as I was busy looking at this vision in red on the 15th of November 2010. She just smiled and said she gets that all the time, and that’s how we met. She’s also very smart, I can’t get one over her. Her brain has a timer or something because she never forgets. If I tell her to wake me in 20 minutes, I get woken at exactly that time, even if she also went to sleep. Those are the times I want to cry because can’t she just forget?! Yet, that’s one quality that makes her a force to reckon. She pushes me to be better, obsessed with time management that my life has seen a drastic change. My friends are even shocked that I made it early to my wedding — the emerald effect. How I love this woman, she complements me perfectly. I want to thank her for bringing more light into my life. I also want to thank my parent’s in-law for breeding such queen. Yes, she’s regal. They did perfect! And my parents, thank you for helping me spot gold and treasuring it. You remain idols. To everyone else, thank you for making today great and unforgettable.”

Funny Wedding Speeches From The Bride

We are halfway through the tissue box at this time because the bride is all blush and giggles — with starry eyes as she gives her speech. As a bride, your speech will be an emotional one, so a lot of humor is quite needed for a perfect balance.

You’ll talk about you and your journey to being Mrs. You’d touch on what makes you tick and the qualities that make your groom the perfect one. From these qualities, you’d make funny wedding speeches that will get your guests laughing. For some help with bride speech, we’ve given an example below.

“It is common knowledge that I find it hard to keep quiet. Well, today is my day and it won’t be an exception. So, first, let me welcome everyone that has come to share in I and James’s special day. I hope you feel as much love as I’m feeling now. Also, I would have treasured the presence of my grandma today, but I know she’s proud of me. Gran, I know you can see me from up there, I’m a big girl now (teary smile). So, permit me, but can you see my man? Call me conceited, but he’s such a hunk! I’ve had the blessing of being with this man for 5 years, and today I can call him husband (blushes). I want to thank him for being who he is. Sweet, loving, smart, meticulous and selfless. James loves me right and honors me always, except when he’s getting orange seedlings stuck in the blender. And pray to tell why he’d always fall asleep when we are watching my favorite show? But you see, that’s one of the things I love about him. Talk about support, even when it’s inconvenient for him. Babe, you challenge me and push me to be better with your lifestyle. I love you anyhow, warts and all. James has made my life fun and meaningful. I also want to thank persons who have made today a success. From my parent’s in-law that raised such fine young man, to my parents, the dream of all children. I also want to appreciate everyone that helped put today together. May you experience love so true and so pure. I love you all.”

Funny Wedding Speeches Examples For All Guests

It is within etiquette that a wedding speech must focus on the couple while talking great about them. Funny wedding speeches even do much better, because infusing jokes in your speech gets more attention. Weddings are already emotional as it is, so we’d consider these kinds of speeches as the icebreakers.

The jokes you throw on the couple depends on the relationship you share. It also depends on how much you know them, and what they can take. Great funny wedding speech brings on laughter without it going south. If you need inspiration, see some funny wedding speeches examples below.

By Chris Haywood

“Can I start my speech by welcoming the guests? Today, we are quite surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some have traveled thousands of miles, just to be here today. On behalf of Owen, Patrick and Bonney, Hazel and I – We welcome you all and thank you sincerely for sharing this special day with us. As about half of you will know, this is my second father-of-the-bride speech in less than a year. To misquote Oscar Wilde from “The Importance of Being Ernest” – to lose one daughter may be well considered unlucky. To lose two is careless! Well, I guess that’s OK – because my being careless is how they came to be here in the first place. Making the father of the bride’s speech, I feel a bit like a Sheik walking into his harem for the first time. I know what I’ve got to do, I just don’t know where to start. You will all be quite pleased to learn that my speech will be every bit as good as last time. In fact, my side of the family will probably remember great chunks of it! Not really, although I am following the same format. This means it will probably start badly, sag in the middle with long silences, and then trail off into a lot of incoherent rambling. To be honest, I did try to memorize this speech – but forgive me if I resort to my notes every 5 seconds. I asked for an autocue to be set up in front of me. Apparently, the wedding budget doesn’t stretch that far… and neither does my eyesight. Patrick, we are quite delighted to welcome you into the family. By now, you must be wondering what on earth you have let yourself in for. I want you to know that Hazel and I took it to you instantly. You are a kind and considerate man who deserves a good wife. Thank goodness you married Bonney before you found one! I am only kidding, of course. There is nothing in the world to match the thrill of seeing your first child born. Bonney was a beautiful baby. She still is beautiful – in every sense of the word – and she has continued to fill our lives with happiness and pride. Everyone knows that Bon is a rolling stone – and couldn’t wait to leave home and find new adventures at University. Since then she has made many firm friends, some of whom are decidedly odd – but I’ll say no more about that because most of the odd ones seem to be here today. Now, where was I? Patrick… I expect you may have noticed Pat’s getting on a bit – a few grey hairs already – so it’s taken him some time to find his Miss Right. In fact, his best man tells me he once sent his picture off to a Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back, with a note saying they weren’t that lonely! Patrick is a rugby player – or so I am told. I took the time to ask some of his mates how good he was, where his best position was. To cut a long story short, he seems to be terrible in every position! I’m sure there’s a joke there somewhere… but never mind. I have to say that Bonney and Patrick are extremely well suited, aren’t they? They’re happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together. It has been well said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Whoever said that knows nothing about women and even less about fractions. I asked Pat recently what he was looking for in marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually a family. I asked Bon the same question. She replied “A coffee percolator.” She said a “perky copulator” but I knew what she meant… As you all know, fathers of the bride get to make the first speech. To be honest with you, it’s a bit like being invited to sleep with the Queen Mother. It’s a great honor – but you don’t want to do it! And what about the bridesmaids? Didn’t they look lovely, in the church? Having seen all the Ushers, I thought for a minute I’d accidentally wandered onto the set of “Seven Brides for seven brothers”. I started planning this speech a month ago. And you must feel like I’ve been delivering it equally as long. And I haven’t quite finished yet. Because my next toast is to the bride and groom. This reminds me of the wedding I once went to where the two of the guests were a minister and a priest. When the priest was offered a drink for the toast he said: “I’ll have a large whiskey please”. When the minister was also offered the same, he said “No thanks. I’d rather go with a scarlet woman than touch the demon alcohol”. The priest promptly put his whiskey back on the tray and said: “I didn’t know there was a choice!” Now I don’t want to offend anybody, so if there’s a priest or a minister present, I apologize. And if there’s a scarlet woman here, I’ll meet you in the bar in 10 minutes! Thank you for your indulgence. Without further delay, I’ll ask you to join me in a toast to my beautiful daughter, the bride, and her handsome husband, the groom.”

By John Gallagher

“Good evening everyone, for those of you that don’t know me, my name is John and I’m Katie’s dad. I am delighted to welcome you here tonight to celebrate the Marriage of Katie and Simon. I know that many of you have traveled many thousands of Kilometers to be here in Umea Umio, Sweden, with us today. On behalf of Pippa, Inga, Borje, and myself; I would like to welcome you all here today to help celebrate the marriage of Katie and Simon. I apologize if the accent is difficult for any of you but translators throughout the audience will help and the speech will be posted at the rear of the room later with copies on the internet tomorrow!! Also, I would like to thank the Priest, Inga, for the lovely service in the most beautiful church. Thank you to her boss for the good weather! I’d like to offer my sincere thanks and appreciation to all those who have worked so hard and long to help put this day together, a day which, I am sure, Katie and Simon will cherish for the remainder of their lives together. Standing here tonight reminded me of a joke. Two TV aerials met on a roof, they fell in love and eventually married. The wedding was pretty average but the reception was brilliant. OK, no more jokes!! Katie this is that point in time that every daughter fears…..what is Daddy going to talk about….is he going to tell about the time when…??!! I’m not going to tell of any of those times, but rather, I’m going to say & quote, thank you & quote! You see the one thought I’ve always been able to picture was that of today when you and I shared our little glance at one another as we were ready to start our walk down the aisle. As it was with my daughter Lucy and as it will be with my daughter Gemma, it has always been with me and always will be. I feel extremely lucky and humble in being able to say I have five great children and one special grandchild and to have them all here together gives me a sense of pride. Simon, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you into the family, but I’m sure you know that you have been welcome since that first day I met you at my house. Every Father hopes his daughter will find a smart, reliable, sensible, and considerate young man so I have to say, I’m a contented father, as I am delighted to see my daughter looking so happy and well today. It is a real pleasure Simon, to welcome you into our family. Many things go into making a marriage happy: Love, fidelity, trust, someone who will listen, persistence and patience, tolerance and forbearance, tenacity and stamina, forgiveness or failing that, a defective memory. It also helps if the husband is always prepared to take the blame! I’d just like to offer a few words of advice: Katie – If you want something from Simon, just ask for it. Don’t forget he’s a man and hints don’t work. Lastly, always remember, as a great philosopher once said, a man who gives in when he is wrong is wise. Whilst a man who gives in when he is right is married.”

Don’t hesitate to write the funny wedding speeches you need for that special day. Your nerves won’t get the best of you if you know what to say. Follow this well prepared guideline and are sure to be in comical wedding speech heaven in no time.

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45 Short, Funny Wedding Toasts & One Liners

There won't be a dry eye in the room from all that belly laughing once you start landing a few of these hilarious wedding toasts

Tash Busta Photography

Got funny bones and need to brighten up the end of a wedding speech? F unny wedding toasts are the perfect way to get a giggle at the end of a speech or reading, and we've got all the best ideas here for you. 

Whether you're giving a best man speech , a groom's speech or you're a parent of one of the newlyweds, most people who give a wedding speech will end with some form of toast - so why not make it a funny one? You're going to need some pretty hilarious one liners to guarantee belly laughs, and that's where we come in. 

Parents and friends of the couple will generally toast to the happy couple - and brides or grooms giving toasts will often toast to their partner. Whether you’re giving a speech on your own wedding day or the happy couple have asked you to say a few words, you’ll want to round things off with some wedding toast humour. 

45 Funny Toasts & Toast Jokes for Your wedding Speech

No matter what role you're playing in the wedding party (if any!), as these short funny wedding toasts are all easily adaptable and will all get a good laugh from the guests. Read on for the best funny wedding toasts and and toast jokes to add to the end of your speech.

In a hurry? Skip to the section you need and find the perfect funny wedding toast below. 

• Funny Wedding Toasts and One Liners
• Funny Marriage Toast Examples

Short, Funny Wedding Toasts to End a Speech

Funny Wedding Toasts and One Liners

To ensure your funny wedding toast packs a punch, you want to keep it short, snappy and most importantly...funny!

1. "Before you marry a person, you should first watch them use a computer with slow internet - that'll show you who they  really are."

2. "All you need is love...but a takeaway now and then doesn't hurt!"

3. "My advice? Don't ever laugh at your partner's choices, because you were one of them!"

4. "You were married by a judge - you should have asked for a jury."

5. "Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight."

6. "Marry an archaeologist - the older you get, the more interested they become in you."

7. "There's only one way to have a happy marriage...and as soon as I learn it, I'll get married again."

8. "As Dr Seuss once said, 'We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love'."

9. "Saying 'I do' at your wedding is like clicking the 'Accept' button any time something pops up on your computer screen. You just do it despite having no clue what it  actually means."

10. "You know you're killing it at the whole marriage malarkey when you ask your partner to pass you 'the thingymajig' and they know exactly what you mean."

11. "We're gathered here today to honour something that is so truly magical, special and wonderful. Of course I am talking about  that cake !"

12. "True love does not come from finding the perfect person, luckily for you guys."

13. "I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

14. "May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom."

15. "Congratulations on the termination of your isolation, and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population."

16. "Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree. But if, perchance, we ever do, then here’s to me, to hell with you."

17. "May our children be blessed with rich parents, and my looks!"

Hitched Tip:  When ending with a one-liner, you want to make sure the delivery is sharp and the comedic timing is spot on. Ensure it's the last thing you say in your wedding toast to ensure you end on a hilarious high. 

Funny Marriage Advice for Wedding Toasts

What's a funny wedding toast without some funny marriage advice for the newlyweds, hey? These marriage toast examples are perfect to be used by friends or family of the newlyweds, offering a bit of loving advice from you, to them. 

18. "I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame."

19. "To the happy couple. May you share everything in life, especially the housework."

20. "May neither of you ever lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. If you must cheat, cheat death, and if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds!"

21. "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

22. "The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret."

23. "Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting  really tough."

24. "Marriage is a wonderful thing entered by two people. One who can't sleep with the window shut, and the other who can't sleep with it open."

25. "Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park"

26. "Marriage is not just an emotional connection, it's also about remembering to take the bins out."

27. "To keep a marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong, admit it, and when you are right, shut up!"

28. "[Insert name] was incomplete before he/she got married. Now they're married, they're finished."

29. "Love is blind, but marriage, marriage is the eye opener."

30. "Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays."

31. "In the words of the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf."

32. "And now for my final words of advice, if at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way [insert partner's name] told you to do it."

33. "Love is like toothache - it doesn't show up on an X-Ray, but you know it's definitely there..."

Hitched Tip:  To make these marriage toast examples more personal, try adding in something relevant to the couple. For example, the Sundays in Ikea toast could be made more bespoke by replacing the word 'Ikea' with their favourite shop - maybe they're Home Bargains fans or love a bit of Lidl? 

If you're wondering how to end a speech, these funny wedding toasts and one liners are bound to help. Remember to introduce the next person as well if someone is speaking after you!

34. "Time to raise our glasses to the happy couple because I like  both   of you - do you have any idea how rare that is?"

35. "Before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!"

36. "Now let's toast to the two secrets to a happy marriage. Humour and short-term memory."

37. "Before we raise a glass to the newlyweds, I’d like to share a Pauline Thomason quote with you: ‘Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.’ To the happy couple!"

38. "To marriage - the only war where, once a month, you sleep with the enemy."

39. "For one more time, I’m going to ask everyone to charge their glasses and – for those who still can – stand, and raise a glass to the newlyweds."

40. "Raise your glasses and join me in congratulating you the happy couple on the huge mound of debt they've just acquired from throwing this wedding!"

41. "May you raise your glasses to marriage and the sacred bond between two people, and let me be clear…I said ‘sacred’, not ‘scared’."

42. "To love, laughter, happily ever after - and to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!"

43. "So finally, a toast to the happy couple. Thank you for buying us all dinner today, so kind of you."

44. "I'll end this toast with my best advice - never go to bed mad. Instead, stay up and fight it out." 

45. "Raise a glass to the happy couple. May your marriage be as strong as the drinks in your hand. Cheers!"

Hitched Tip:  Remember to introduce the next person as well if someone is speaking after you! Give the guests enough time to giggle at your toast joke and then introduce whoever is following you, unless you're the last to go. 

If you like these funny quotes, you’ll love our favourite funny wedding readings and these totally inappropriate (but hilarious) wedding songs .

Related Hitched articles

Donald Trump jokes ‘nobody’ who marries at Mar-a-Lago ‘gets divorced’ as he attends pals’ lavish wedding

D onald Trump joked about divorce while attending his friends’ lavish Mar-a-Lago wedding celebration, a source tells Page Six exclusively.

The former president attended Jarod and Alexa Malnik’s rehearsal dinner at his ritzy Palm Beach, Fla., estate last Friday.

“This is a great couple,” Trump, 77, told guests at the wedding weekend kickoff event. “Nobody gets divorced ever when they get married at Mar-a-Lago. People, 20 years later, say it’s the greatest marriage ever.”

The embattled businessman — who notably married his wife, Melania Trump, at Mar-a-Lago in 2005 — then posed for photos with the newlyweds and attended their afterparty.

We’re told guests chanted Trump’s name with glee after he made his speech.

The next day, the bride and groom tied the knot at the sprawling property in front of music executive Russell Simmons, boxing promoter Don King, actor Gianni Russo and Haute Living CEO Kamal Hotchandani, among others.

We’re told the couple, who met while studying at the University of Miami, worked with renowned wedding planner Carrie Zack to plan the black-tie reception featuring white florals, crystal decor and gold accents.

Alexa walked down the aisle in a custom Maria Farbinni strapless gown with a matching overskirt and lace gloves from Miami’s LBR Bridal store as well as white crystal and satin Rene Caovilla shoes ($1,660).

She also wore a special family heirloom necklace passed on to her by her mother-in-law, Nancy Malnick, the previous evening. The diamond-encrusted pendant had been gifted to Nancy by her husband, Al, on one of their wedding anniversaries.

Meanwhile, Jarod said “I do” in a dark navy suit made from Marzoni Italian fabric that was custom-tailored by clothier Chris Garabedian.

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We’re told the pair’s dogs walked down the aisle as their “flower girls.”

Following the ceremony, the newlyweds celebrated their nuptials with a grand reception, during which DJ Slim of Rock With U spun tunes and attendees dined on beef Wellington and other delicacies.

Alexa made an outfit change for the wedding afterparty, swapping her gown for a J’Aton Couture dress from Chernaya Bridal House.

On Sunday, the Malnik family concluded the three-day affair by hosting a farewell brunch for their friends and family.

Simmons, 66, shared several snapshots from the extravagant wedding to his Instagram along with a sweet message for the just-married pair.

“To the bride and groom thank you for including me …to the groom i knew and loved your mother and father before u were born …if u can love and take care of your family as they did you will be amazing all love,” the Def Jam Recordings founder wrote. “TO THE LEGACY OF THE MALNIKS last note …jews get married like blacks ./.WITH SOUL #maralagopalmbeach.”

We hear Jarod and Alexa will have a mini-moon at Mar-a-Lago before embarking on their real honeymoon in May, during which they will stay at the Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur, Calif., before heading to Napa.

From there, they will travel to Yellowstone National Park and vacation at the opulent Amangiri Resort in Utah, where Kourtney Kardashian once stayed .

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Entertainment And News

Bride Reveals The 'Red Flag' She Noticed About New Husband During Speech He Delivered At Their Wedding

His wedding speech wasn't quite what she expected it to be..

By Mary-Faith Martinez Written on Mar 25, 2024

Weddings are happy occasions — well, they’re supposed to be. Unfortunately, there are often cases in which something happens to make the wedding less than you hoped it would be.

That’s certainly what happened to one bride whose husband gave an off-color wedding speech.

A groom gave a wedding speech that had a glaring ‘red flag.’

An anonymous bride posted on Reddit asking for advice after what she felt was a strange speech at her wedding from her husband. 

“So, I recently got married to my husband,” she said. “He is a very sweet and kind person.”

However, some things about the speech he gave at the wedding weren’t so sweet and kind.

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“He gave a speech during our wedding reception ,” she explained. “It was really sweet and emotional, but then he said something like, ‘And when we were dating, I knew I have to marry you, as nobody can tolerate you better than me, and I love tolerating you.’”

While the comment might give some pause, the bride said that it went over well in the moment as a joke. “Everybody laughed and I did as well, as it was supposed to be a fun banter, and I didn’t think much of it,” she said.

She also explained that she can understand why her husband might feel that way. “Well, I do get giddy and too excited if I am happy and would talk a lot, while my husband is very calm and patient and always listens, but I can see that it could be annoying for others,” she stated.

Unfortunately, the bride has not been able to stop thinking about what her husband said in his speech. It’s so bad that she is still pondering it after their honeymoon .

“We had a great time and recently came from our honeymoon, but just wondering, do other guys also joke about their spouse like that?” she asked.

Fellow Reddit users had mixed reactions to the speech.

People who commented on the bride’s post were split in how they felt about the speech. Some wondered if the groom was perhaps making a pop culture reference , as both "Friends" and "The Big Band Theory" feature speeches with similar wording.

“Maybe not the best time for your husband to make that comment, but hopefully the intent was good,” one person who pointed to "Friends" said.

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Others noted that it may have simply been an awkward moment for the groom. “Unfortunately, some people are just awkward at public speaking events, too,” they said. “For some of them, their wedding is their first time giving speeches to a crowd.”

However, others weren’t so forgiving. “Ugh, I hate jokes like that,” someone said. “You see it all the time at weddings how men are becoming ‘trapped’ by marrying their wives … For some reason, these types of jokes always crop up, where men don’t like their wives, and I just find them disrespectful.”

There was a consensus that the bride should tell her husband how she felt.

One thing Reddit commenters could agree on, regardless of their opinion on the speech, was that the bride should share her feelings with her husband. “I would mention to him that it made you uncomfortable, but I don’t think it’s worth fighting about,” one person said.

According to a clinically reviewed article from Marriage.com , it's important to “express your feelings clearly” and “talk to the other person in the relationship” when your feelings are hurt by your partner. “Remember, others might not even realize they hurt us,” the outlet noted. “However, creating a safe place for communication will help you understand each other better.”

It’s important to be honest about how something made you feel so resentment doesn’t grow and fester over time . It’s also important to be mindful of your words and how they affect others. Hurting those who are closest to you is never a good thing.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.